Years gone by
by kizza15
Summary: 13 year old L becomes an orphan when his parents are murdered. At wammys house he is bullied and becomes depressed, until a new face at the orphanage brings him back to life. Warning: self-harm, depression ect.. (based on both the anime and the tv drama.) this is my first fanfic, please be nice :)
1. Chapter 1

**L**

Rain hammers heavily onto my tear streaked face as I stare upwards to the clouded sky. The icy water runs down my back and I shiver as my bare feet are turning blue. Watari will notice soon that im gone and start searching for me, I should go back inside… but my legs are stiff and won't let me move. My soft Black hair drapes lazily across my jawline as my past flashes before my eyes. I wish it would stop, it was painful enough the first time-the screams, my parents yelling my name and telling me to run as they were brutally murdered right in front of me.

Suddenly I can't feel my legs. I fall down to the cold, muddy ground and rest my forehead to it. Sobbing loudly, gut-wrenching sounds of my anguish fill the air, even over the battering rain it can be heard. Im aware im doing it again… my body feels as if it's being hurtled back in time. I see it all again. The chainsaw, my mother and father, and the cloaked man who's hacking them to pieces. I scream their names, and I can't stop screaming... They scream back.

"RUN L! RUN!" they cry out, but in reality it's only my voice ringing in the air. I do run, towards the killer to punch him, I hit his arm. Someone help me, im thinking, instead of thinking about the warm blood seeping out of the gaping wound on my arm….

 **Watari**

Sitting in my small office, deep in thought, I can barely hear myself think over the rain. Im so exhausted as I recall the previous night. L had screamed all night, almost in agony at the terrors in his dreams. I sigh sympathetically, he's been through an awful lot for a 13 year old boy. The rain pummels the rooftop, making the sound of bullets against the slabs that can be heard even from down here. Deciding to check on the kid, I walk out into a long hallway, and address a child dawdling at one end of it.

"B, have you seen L?" I ask the boy urgently.

"He said he was going outside for a while, to get fresh air. He has a headache apparently."

Pulling on a long coat and some hardy boots I step out into the garden. It's so large that it has its own forest and a river somewhere within its grounds. It could take forever to find L. But I hear him before I can see soon as I leave the house I can hear a distant screaming from somewhere at the end of the garden. It sounds as if he is in physical pain. I hurry in the direction of the sound and finally I come into a clearing in the trees. A small white and blue figure is collapsed into the mud clutching his head and crying desperately for help. He's always been pale, but I notice his flesh is white as paper.

Im trying to stay calm and not get emotional as I kneel in the mud beside him and place my hand gently on his shaking shoulders. He looks at me with large, greyish-black eyes.

"L, what's wrong!" I say calmly. L doesn't answer, he just keeps crying, becoming rapidly weaker and paler. Pulling him carefully into my arms he rests his head on my shoulder.

"Im sorry…" L sulks quietly.

"Shh, don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?" I reply startled.

"I…I…I couldn't save them Watari. I hit him on the arm but he didn't stop...ahh…!" he stops and jolts in pain, he looks down to his arm. My eyes follow his, and I gasp, shocked as he is at the deep gash on his upper arm, oozing with dark red blood. At the sight of the blood, Ls eyes start to roll back into his head, and he loses consciousness. Without hesitation, I scoop the injured boy up in my arms (without difficulty, he is extremely underweight) and run back the way I came. If I don't get him help soon, he'll die of blood loss…

 **L**

I wake with a sharp intake of breath, clutching my heart as I rapidly sit up, or at least I try to, but im handcuffed into my bed... Great... They think im mad. I prop myself up on the pillows and rub my eyes tiredly, with my one free hand, but I feel a stabbing pain in my arm as I raise it. My arm is bound in a bandage and underneath I have stiches. It's a good thing Watari is good at that sort of thing. I heard him and roger (the other guy who runs this place) talking. They said I wouldn't have made it to the hospital in time, it's too far away. But they stopped the bleeding. I can't remember how I even got the cut… wait. I do, I must have attacked myself while I was hallucinating, thinking I was hurting my parents killer, but my yells had been genuine pain escaping from me that I didn't even register as my own. I could have killed myself. But would that be so bad? It's not like my life actually has any meaning, and im haunted constantly. Im just a creep in the eyes of everyone else because I sit on my heels or hugging my knees, and im developing very dark under eye circles from the lack of sleep. In fact ive barely slept in the 2 months since my parents died. I'd say im officially an insomniac… death could help me sleep…

"Oh L, your awake" Watari remarks as he enters the room, carrying a glass of water which he sets on my bedside table, and takes a seat on the end of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" I sigh and glance to my hand in the handcuff. "Better. Just tired..." I lie. I feel no better, im just getting used to hiding it. If he does think im mad then it won't help my case to keep ranting on. But he doesn't look convinced.

"You don't have to lie to me L," his face is soft with sympathy, "don't worry, im not going to cart you off to an asylum or anything like that." He smiles, and I manage a small smile back.

"But you should know that you're not well at the moment and it's been decided you should be restrained for your own safety, until we are absolutely sure that you aren't going to injure yourself or one of the others." I can't help but chuckle a little at that. Pulling my knee up and draping my arm over it I look watari in the eyes and smile.

"It's not as if I _could_ hurt the others, even if I wanted to. Most of them could kill me with one hand behind their back." _And it's not as if you can stop me hurting myself with one hand cuff,_ I wanted to add, but thought against it. I laugh, im not sure why but the thought makes me. I drop my head down onto my knee and tilt my head to the side look at watari again. He's silent, and searching my eyes. He looks worried. "Even so, we should take the necessary precautions. After all Lawliett, you caused serious damage to yourself the second you were let out of sight. This can't happen again, we may not be able to help quickly enough next time." I lift up my head and smooth my hair down with my free hand. I sigh.

"I understand…" I mumble quietly. And watari gives me one last smile, but it seems a bit forced. He is obviously thinking about what would have happened if he'd found me any later, and he leaves the room, without another word, gently closing the door behind him.

 ** _3 weeks later_** **Watari**

"Watari, im fine, stop worrying so much. It's not like im going to kill everyone in their sleep. I not completely psychotic you know" L jokes as I unlock the handcuffs and they fall, dangling by the bars of the bed with a clang .

"I know, but you're not completely normal by any means" he rolls his eyes.

"Seriously, im feeling better now" he insists, but I know he is lying-I can almost sense his hidden depression when im near him. I don't think it's safe for him to be free yet but Roger insists that we can't keep him confined anymore, and I have to agree. He's very stubborn. "If you say so..." I shrug.

I look at him and take in his features. He's so pale, skinny and frail looking, as if he will break if anyone so much as bumps him in the hallway. Despite the sleeping tablets we've been giving him, he hasn't slept more than a couple of hours every two nights or so-now he has night black circles under his eyes that are becoming heavy with thought. He can feel me mentally scanning him. I break my gaze and leave the room. I can't understand it, but out of all the kids who've ever lived here, I've never had a connection to one as I do with L. It's as if I were his father, or godfather. The thought of anything happening to him makes me feel defensive and I know that I would do anything to help him, if he needed it. Which I know he does, even if he can't admit it. It's normal for a 13 year old boy to be hesitant to ask for help. But after what he went through? He will never have to be alone again…


	2. Chapter 2

**L**

Watari leaves the room, and the door slams behind him. Im left standing in the middle of the room. Yawning, I stretch my dead arm and leave the tiny bedroom, to finally face the others, who by now, believe they will be murdered in their beds by the crazy kid who now lives among them…

As I walk into the living room, all eyes turn towards me. I try very hard to ignore them as I move to an empty seat and climb up onto it, perching back on my heels. I flash them an annoyed glance, and they turn away quickly. They're watching the news. The reporters are reporting on a police case, investigating a couple of brutal murders. My attention is automatically fixed on it. " _The police are saying that the two victims were a couple living in an isolated cottage with their 13 year old son, Lawliett, who disappeared after the murders, but there is a some evidence to suggest that he was present during the murders, and left afterwards."_ I don't show any reaction to this, but they are of course, talking about me. None of the other kids know that my name is Lawliett, so as long as they don't describe me, they can't use this against me anyway… " _When we first started investigating these murders, obviously we thought that the boy had murdered his parents and then ran away, but the evidence we found, including adult footprints and finger prints that didn't match Lawliet's on the scene, also the fact the victims were killed with a knife, and the father at least was a very able police officer himself, with training for situations like that. We don't believe the kid was strong enough to overpower his parents. After speaking with his classmates and teachers, he is described as a very skinny, and sort of sickly looking child, definitely not the sort to hurt anyone. Anyway, as he has gone missing, we are concerned that he may have been kidnapped by the killer or he may even be dead. We ask the public to look out for him, and if you see him, please report it right away. Something strange about this case, is that after searching the house, not a single photo of the child was found. The only evidence he lives there is his small bedroom. He is however described as thin, middle height, very pale complexion, with longish black hair and black circles under his eyes. He was last seen wearing a plain white top and blue trousers. His eyes are almost black. And Lawliett, if you are out there watching, come back home. You may be able to give a good enough description of the killer to catch him. That's it for the news today, thank you and goodnight."_ And they had to describe me didn't they. Everyone slowly turns around again and I shift under their searching eyes. A girl spits accusingly.

"you sure do look a lot like that… don't you _L?"_

"Huh? He does. How'd you end up in this orphanage L?" another chimes in. I sigh a little. None of these kids are stupid, otherwise they wouldn't be here (it's an orphanage for gifted children) they won't believe me if I lie, no matter how good at it I am.

"My parents were murdered…" I confessed. "And they told me to run so I did, but watari found me before the authorities did. It was pure chance" they don't say anything for a while, but they carry on staring. Someone shouts

"were they just as strange as you? Might explain why someone would want them gone." Everyone laughs.

"Yeah you look bloody weird",

"you sure you didn't kill them?",

"did they die from looking at your face? They probably thought their son was the devil."

The room erupts into laughter at the cruel, and rather unnecessary jokes. I just get up and leave, not looking back at them, they'd probably just carry on, and make fun of me for the tears crawling down my face, and after all, showing emotion is a crime that deserves to be punished…

I spend the majority of my time, sitting alone in my room, rocking myself, back and forth, staring at a blank space on the wall. Whenever I leave, the torment continues. It's usually just verbal, but as the months go on, some of them start being aggressive. Im tripped up in the hallways, punched, kicked and they sometimes lock me in the small cupboard under the stairs, where I stay until either roger or watari find me, which can take a while. Much of the time, they are accusing me of murdering my parents, and other times they just make fun of my strange appearance. As I walk to the kitchen one day to grab some cake, a boy comes up behind me. I turn to see who it is. His names Randy, and he's the ringleader, If you like, of the group of kids who torment me the most. He shoves me purposely as he walks past. "Hehe" he snorts as he does so. I clench my fists and restrain myself from punching him in his stupid little face.

"Oh helloo L. didn't realise you were there." He grins maliciously. "Yeah, obviously. You wouldn't purposely be a twat would you?" I retort. He swivels angrily to face me.

"Don't get sarcastic with me, you worthless little runt. I laugh, and duck as he tries to thwack me in the face with **_his_** clenched fist.

"Im stronger than I look you know…" I mutter as I swing my foot towards his face in a roundhouse kick. I don't miss, and he falls backwards into the kitchen worktop. At that moment, roger comes in to see what the noise is.

"What's going on in here? He demands. Randy obviously doesn't want everyone to know that he'd been losing a fight with me, so he backs down.

"Nothing." He grumbles, and gives me an angry sideways glance as he leaves the kitchen… I realise that he won't actually let this go.

Over the next few weeks, the teasing gets worse. And so does the violence. Im been given a black eye and various large bruises up and down my body, but they threatened me into telling watari and Roger that id got them falling down the stairs (which I did when they pushed me).

But one day, they decide that's not enough to put me in my place. As I walk down the narrow hallway from the bathroom to my room, I hear footsteps behind me. I spin around, and im smashed against the wall. My head hits a wall mounted candleholder, and blood runs down my face and colours my quivering lips. Standing around me are 3 boys, so much larger than me, and they're holding baseball bats. Randy is the one holding me by the throat against the wall.

"What's up _L?_ You going to cry to your mummy?" they all laugh violently, "oh wait, she's _dead_ isn't she? Ha-ha, sorry!" I wanted to point out, that their parents were all dead too, but I was struggling to breathe.

"What have I ever done to you?!" I cry. _Well, apart from kicking you in the face_.

"Your weird, and you always beat us at _everything. You're_ nothing but a skinny, insomniac know it all and we think you need to learn your place. You've had this coming for months. Your constant crying and complaining about us, when all we've done is make a few jokes! And I didn't appreciate the kick either." he pulls my hair up off my face and pulls my head tight against the wall, then he swings the bat at my knees, and lets go. I crumple to the floor, and scream in agony. Blood still trailing down my pale skin, turning it red. The other boys step forwards and swing they're baseball bats at me, one hitting me in the shoulder, and one on my throat. They're Psychotic! I choke and spit blood. Im near enough unconscious, but they don't stop.

"Come on guys, we need to take this outside. If he bleeds anymore on the carpet, someone will notice." The ringleader grabs my arm, and twists it, incredibly hard, I hear my shoulder pop, and then everything goes black.

 **Watari**

Walking down the hallway towards Ls room, I notice a bloody handprint on the wall, smeared along it, and a little blood on the floor. I run to Ls room and hastily open the door, without knocking. He isn't here? I check everywhere, but he's not here. I panic and run to the office.

"Roger! Ls gone! And there's blood on the walls and floor outside his room. I think someone's attacked him!" Roger looks alarmed but is on his feet and out the door with me immediately.

"EVERYONE IN THE LIVING ROOM NOW!" roger yells, and quickly, everyone obliges. Whoever's missing must be with L. three boys are missing.

"Where are the others? I know somebody knows!" B pipes up.

"Outside. Beating L up." He's so calm about it, it's disgusting. I race out to find them. And I hear filthy laughter behind some trees. Suddenly, the three boys emerge, holding baseball bats and they all have bloody hands.

"ROGER! CALL THE POLICE!" I yell and he does. The boys don't even look worried.

"Inside now!" I order, and they obey. I scramble in the direction they came from, and im horrified by what I see. Lying with his knees tucked up to his chest and bound with wire that's across his back and cutting into his bare flesh is L. They've removed his shirt and beaten him with sticks, stones, and the baseball bats... His arm is twisted in an unusual angle, dislocated, and his knees are red with blood. He also has a crimson line running from his mouth. At first glance, I think he's dead, but then I see him breathing, ever so slightly, his chest rises and falls unsteadily. I use a sharp stone to release him from the bindings. I know I can't move him too much, he might damage a bone even more. I pull out my phone and ring the ambulance… which arrives half an hour later.

 **L**

Im worthless, im a coward, and they should let me die. These thoughts just swirl around inside my head as I lie there in Watari's arms, semi-conscious, in excruciating pain, physically and mentally. The attackers are all arrested and confess to the assault, so they're all being sentenced to time in jail. But that doesn't really fix what they did to me. Waiting for the ambulance, I wake up, suffering so much from the pain that Im convinced I will die, and im still hoping I will... Watari holds me gently, and stays calm for me. He wants to distract me from the pain Im feeling, so he mumbles comfortingly,

"L, listen to the bells. Concentrate on them!" he's referring of course to the ringing bells in the orphanages bell tower. It's a simple thing, but it helps me, to just listen to them almost takes my mind off the pain completely. He knows just what to say. His aim is to keep me awake, but in a calm state. I realise that at least one person in the world still cares enough to comfort me there. I whisper to him,

"One day, I will become a detective, so that I can solve crimes, like the murder of my parents, and attacks." He smiles at me and nods. The bells… are ringing so loudly today…

Despite his efforts, I pass out, as the ambulance can be heard just around the corner…

 **Watari**

"Ok L, grit your teeth, this will hurt a bit" the doctor chimes as she prepares to fix Ls dislocated shoulder.

"I'll be fine..." he frowns, and bites his lip.

"Right. Three, two, one..."

His shoulder makes a hideous CRACK as she pushes his arm back into place, he grimaces, but compared to the beating that damaged his arm in the first place the pain is minimal. He just sits and looks at his feet. Obviously, he's irritated he cannot sit in his usual manner while the doctors check him over because it will make their jobs hard, and beside, with his injured knee caps it would be difficult for him to do anyway.

"You alright?" she asks him and he just nods slightly, and doesn't say a word.

"Ok, I just have to go and speak with your guardian for a moment, wait here, we'll be back." I leave the room with her, and I give L a worried glance as I close the door. He won't be alright really for a very long time.

"The cartilage in his left knee is damaged. He will need an operation to fix it. His right wrist is broken and he's had to have stiches on some of the cuts on his back. He may also suffer from coughing fits and sore throat from being whacked in the throat. And I think you may have noticed that the damage is a bit more than just physical. He will probably need some therapy after this, but I will leave it up to you to talk to him about this." She says regrettably.

"I understand, I'll talk to him about it. Thank you." I breathe wearily. She picks up on my tone.

"And are you ok? Maybe you should rest too. There's no use worrying about it, it won't help him recover any faster." Her voice and facial expression are soft and sympathetic.

"No, its fine. I won't be able to relax until I know he's ok. I should have picked up on the bullying and this would never of happened."

I guiltily sigh. She smiles a little and reply's with

"it wasn't your fault. Children fight and bully and sometimes it gets out of hand. That's just the way they are. And the kids in your care didn't have the best start in life, and so they take out they're problems on others to an even greater extent. It is **_not_** your fault" her voice is gentle, yet firm. She smiles again, and walks down the corridor with clipboard under arm, to alert the surgeons that they are needed as soon as possible.

I let out a tired and heavy breath, and return to Ls room to find him standing, with difficulty, staring out of the window, with an emotionless expression frozen in place. He does not react as I enter the room, nor when I try to talk to him. He just stands there, not even trying to hide his depression anymore. He is broken, filled to bursting with terror and demons lurking within him. I place my hand tentatively on his shoulder, the uninjured one, but he flinches away as if it has been hit with a bullet, and im sticking a needle into the wound. "L, it will be time for the surgery soon..." I venture. "Ok" he barely whispers. I glance to his hand in the cast to fix his broken wrist, and to his back where I know stitches hold together the raw and cut flesh caused by the stones, the bats and the sticks. And as more evidence of his emotional pain I realise how he is standing with his shoulders hunched up defensively, and as he turns and walks to sit down on the bed, he walks slowly, with a limp, and as if he has a hunched back. Making himself as small as possible. This is all my fault…

 **L**

The surgery will lasts 2 hours approximately, im told as I start to drift off. The anaesthetic drags me down into an unwilling sleep. Im horribly vulnerable, as I see the light turn to a blur and in the faces of these stranger, entrusted with me while im asleep, I see randy and the others, beating me, kicking and punching, and slicing me up piece by piece with stones and laughing. Binding me with wire way too tight, so that it cuts into the flesh on my back already raw from being dragged around and cut. I struggle to stay awake, but the drug takes me over, and I feel like im falling into icy nothingness. A dreamless sleep as the faces disappear completely…

Every step I take hurts, every breath I take hurts, and I regret each second my heart beats. My back is covered in scars and although my knee is almost healed and my wrist has long ago recovered, im far from fixed... When I leave the hospital, everyone at the orphanage stare as I pass them, they laugh as I walk hunched and worriedly defensive because im terrified that I will turn to be smashed against the wall and beaten black and blue once again. Every time someone walks towards me, I crumple myself against the wall, or I twitch if they so much as accidently nudge me. The only person who still tries to talk to me is Watari, but I have nothing to say to him. "You _need_ a therapist L. they will help you…" he argues but I refuse. I know it won't help me. Nothing can. Im too far gone now.

The only thing that hasn't really been affected by the attack is my school work. I continuously score better than everyone else in tests, and my levels in all subjects are leaps and bounds above everyone's. I do actually triumph at this fact, because in a way it proves that I am better than everyone else at least academically. But still, the bulling continues, and my self-confidence disappears completely. And as children come and go from the orphanage, they are dragged into the spiral of hate by the others and take up the task of ruining my life that the previous kids left behind. Nothing changes. Nothing ever will here…

 **2 years later.** **Watari**

"Watari it's been 2 years since we tried to get him help, and he wasn't having any of it. You need to just let it go, or confine him somewhere..." roger reasons. "Where can he go?! He has no family, and no other orphanages want to take kids like him, they can't handle it." Seeing Rogers face I add "And we are not sending him to a crazy hospital." He isn't crazy, he's morbidly depressed. The situation worsened greatly after Randy and his minions almost beat him to death. On various different occasions I caught kids bigger than him holding him against walls or pinning him to the floor. Each kid caught is sent away to live elsewhere but new kids take their places and continue. He almost never leaves his room now, and that's where he does school work, and that's where he sits up at night in the corner of his room rocking backward and forwards, crying or staring at a random space on the wall. He did indeed take an interest in solving crimes, and proved to the police that he had extremely superior deductive skills than any of them, and worked with them, from his room, through a computer and has now helped to solve over 25 crimes on public record, yet the police still do not know his name, face or age. We usually just leave him be, but one day, I find something in his room while Im looking for him that causes me to realise the severity of his condition. Despite Ls scruffy dress sense and the rest of his appearance, he's abnormally tidy for a 15 year old boy, and as he never sleeps, his bed is always very neat, and his pillows are always straight. So it strikes me as odd that his pillows are out of line, he'd obviously moved them. I move toward the bed, I lift the pillows up to straighten them. Under the pillows L had hidden

A small bloodied blade and tissue, and the blood was fresh…

 **L**

I clutch my arm with the tissue, not even bothering to be gentle. I want it to hurt. I deserve it. Looking into the mirror I see just what the last 2 years have done to me. My night-black hair is ruffled and my face is sunken from undereating. My eyes bulge slightly and the bags under my eyes are so dark now that at first glance, it looks like eyeliner. I look skeletal almost. My arm spots the tissue with a dark maroon colour. Well I've heard that this helps some people, I can't really understand how but, I deserve the pain. When the bleeding stops, I wrap the bandage back up my arm, and pull my sleeve down over it. Despite the fact I don't really eat, I've grown considerably taller now, but I tend to walk with my shoulders and back slightly hunched. I suppose I developed it because of paranoia that I will be attacked again, and it never went away.

As I tred slowly back to my bedroom, I notice that the door is ajar. Pushing it open further, I see Watari, standing by the bed. He doesn't look at me when I come in, but he knows im there. In his hand is the blade that id hidden there not five minutes ago, and when he does turn to look at me, he wears a distraught look on his face. "How long have you been doing this?" he whimpers. Im at a loss. "I…Um... Three months." I choke.

I look at my feet, unable to make eye contact. "Why would you do this? Why? This is getting ridiculous Lawliett! You have to stop!" when I don't respond, he launches forwards suddenly and grabs my wrist and pulls me forwards. He promptly rolls up my sleeve. And I don't resist him. There's no point. He sees the bandage which has thin red lines of blood seeping through. "L. L _look at me!"_ He grips both of my wrists a little too tight and I wince as he's pressing on a cut. But I don't say anything, and I don't look up. "L Lawliett! _Snap out of it!_ Please let me help you. Say something! What would your parents think if they were here?" I raise my eyes to his slowly and I lower my eyebrows angrily. I yank my arms backwards. "YOU CAN'T HELP ME! CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? My parents are gone, if they were here I wouldn't be like this. _But they were taken from me and you can't help! Just leave it alone!"_ I rage at the top of my lungs. A deep anger spreads through me and I can't hold it back. Watari doesn't deserve this but I can't stop. His face is shocked and deeply concerned, but also a little angry, but not at me. I can tell that he is angry with himself. And I notice im annoyed at myself too. I break down. I sprint from the room, slamming the door on Watari yelling after me. I nearly knock people over in the hallways, but I ignore their disgruntled shouts and leave the building, without putting on shoes or a coat, despite the heavy snowfall due to it being the middle of winter. I run through the woodland area to be alone, and I fall carelessly onto my knees. I hang my head low, and hold my head in my hands, as I did two years ago when I hallucinated out here, alone. I breathe in and out, in shaky, and heavy breaths. I back against a tree and curl my knees up to my chest. My wrist aches and my lungs burn from the cold, but im ashamed that Watari found out about the self-harm. What if he tries to send me away? I tremble with worry and the cold. He's right though. My parents would be so disappointed with me. But I can't bring myself to care that much, about anything.

 **Watari**

What should I do?! He's _cutting?_ I never thought it would come to this. I've failed. I promised when I met him that no one would ever hurt him again, and since then he's been hurt to the point of no return, and now it's himself doing the damage. I don't think it's the actual bulling now that's upsetting him, he's just so broken. It's such a waste of his intelligence for him to be reduced to this. I stare at the blade in my hand. L, im so sorry…

I drag my feet as I leave the room and I debate following him. But I think he needs time to think alone for a while. I decide instead to talk to roger about it. "Roger, about L..." I begin as I creak open the office door. "What about him this time?" "He's started…harming himself" I answer hesitantly. "Oh." He responds. "Well what do you want to do about it?" "I honestly don't know what we can do..." I rub my eyes tiredly. "I just thought you should know. We will have to keep a better eye on him from now on and confiscate anything he could hurt himself on. Like sharpeners and razors" "Understood Watari" "thank you roger. I must go and look for him now."

 **L**

I have no idea how long I sit there before I hear footsteps crunching in the snow towards me. At first I think its watari but I make eye contact with their owner. Walking towards me in a girl with long wavy, blonde/ginger hair and striking green eyes. She has rosy cheeks and almost elfin features on her face. For a second my mind begins to wander. She has a kind, worried expression on her face. I've never spoken to her, but she's a new resident of the orphanage and she is the only one here that doesn't bully me or sneer when im nearby. She, in fact, always smiles at me kindly and I've even heard her argue with the other kids because she disproves of the way im treated. I know her name is Elsie. She knows my name is L.

"Hey L" she says in a slightly sing-song voice. "Are you ok?" she cautiously asks. "Oh hi Elsie. Yeah, Im fine thanks." I reply politely but with a slightly depressing tone. "Hmm, are you sure? NOPE you look like shit. I think I better sit here with you for a while." She babbles jokingly, plonking herself down right next to me in the snow. I laugh a little at her sarcasm. "Ok, thanks I guess?" "Your welcome. So what are you doing out here on your own? I saw you run out so I followed you. OMG IM SUCH A STALKER! Aha!" she giggles. "Im not sure you want to know, it's a bit of a downer." I bet. But she chirps "yes I do, I think you have something to get off your chest and im a good listener. Now spill..." so I tell her everything, starting from my parent's deaths, the fight in the kitchen with randy, the beating in the hallway and the bells. I tell her of everything that happened before she arrived. As I speak her eyes are opened wide with shock and sadness for me. Her smiling mouth is in a sympathetic frown. I come to what happened in my room before I left the house and I hesitate, but she urges me to continue. "I cut myself... and Watari found the evidence… now I can't bring myself to face him because he might think there's something wrong with me, and send me away, but I have nowhere to go and no one who cares about me here, except Watari.." she puts a delicate finger to my lips. "From now on, you'll have me." She asserts firmly "im your friend now. I understand you, and you're such a sweet person. I can sense it. But you've been broken here. I want to help you heal." She beams. She's so beautiful when she smiles… I smile back, a genuine smile that I haven't used for a long time.

"First, let's get you eating! "She orders. Pushing herself off the ground and grabbing my hands to pull me up with her. She drags me in the direction of the house. "What are we doing?!" I exclaim. "Hehe, a kitchen raid..."

We steal all the ice-cream in the fridge, every bit of candy in the kitchen, and the majority of sugar in the cupboards. We run to my room with our stash. We sit and talk for hours. She tells me about her family dying in a car crash while she was in the back seat. She was the only survivor, as her younger sister was also killed although she has a younger brother who wasn't in the car at the time. She tells how she went from orphanage to orphanage but always felt out of place because she was considerably smarter than all the other kids, and got teased because of her hair- though she adds she reckons they were all jealous of her smarts and fiery hair. She insists that I eat at least half of the tub of ice-cream and some of the candy, which I do, and I hang onto every word she says. "How old are you?" I ask, realising I didn't know this simple fact about her yet. "Im Fifteen "she answers. "You? "She asks. "Fifteen" "mmm. If Watari knows you've got a girl in our room this late, you're in trouble!" she chuckles. "No, he'd be glad im talking to someone my age." I retort, squeezing my eyes together as a result of an extreme brain freeze. "I suppose so." She grins.

Over the course of the next hour, we know everything about each other. Backgrounds, secrets, favourite songs even foot sizes came up somewhere. By the time she sneaks back to her room its 3 in the morning, and Im feeling happy enough to maybe get some sleep tonight. I lie my head down to the pillow and smile up at the ceiling. Slowly, I drift into a calm, content sleep, and I don't wake up until mid-afternoon the next day…

 **Watari** **4 months later**

I hear a loud noise coming from the Living room so I decide to investigate. It's a girl's voice, but I can't make out what she's saying. My first thought is that someone is fighting, but upon entering the room, im surprised to see Elsie and L sitting together. He's sitting back on his heels arms draped casually over his knees, and she's turned to the side, leaning against his legs. And they're both laughing. It's such an odd and beautiful sight to see him laughing. "Seriously? He did that?" she asks, still laughing. "Oh yeah, he did. My cousin never was very bright." He grins. "Hello you two." I chime in. "what's so funny?" I question. "L was telling me about the time his cousin set fire to his t-shirt by accident, then jumped into a lake to put it out..." Elsie pipes up. "oh is that so?" I smile. So how long have these two been friends then? I wonder. I had noticed a slight change in Ls attitude recently. It was so sudden, I was caught completely off guard. "Well, I will leave you two alone then..." I sneer at L, and wink at him. He reads it how I want him to. _Get in there L._ He lowers his brow at me and rolls his eyes. I reverse out of the room. It nice for the both of them to have someone to talk to… Elsie hasn't had a great life either…


	3. Chapter 3

**Elsie**

I've been close friends with L for only four months. But we are inseparable now. That night when I followed L out into the garden, my heart broke for him as he told me his story, and I knew instantly what a genuinely amazing person he would have been had he not been treated so terribly since his parents were killed. He kept apologizing for crying and he felt as if he was burdening me by talking. I knew he needed a friend, and so did I, so it kicked off. But that's only the part I tell people when they ask why I wanted to be his friend. The whole truth is that, and more. When I first spoke with L I realised how much we have in common. We both suffer from depression and have lost our family, we like the same things. But, what I should say to those who ask, is _Do you believe in love at first sight?_

I twist in my sleep as I see a truck pull out quickly as the car drives past. "DAD LOOK OUT!" I scream. But it's too late. The truck smashes against the car. It flips onto a layby and explodes, as im thrown from the vehicle by the force. Before I hit the concrete, im pulled from my sleep. I can hear a voice, saying my name. Someone's shaking me awake, trying to be gentle. "Elsie! Wake up! Are you ok? You were screaming in your sleep..." my eyes snap open and I focus on the voice, the face… "L?" I ask. "Yeah I guess we both just fell asleep earlier… what's wrong? You're crying..." he questions urgently. "I..I." I try to speak but I can't get any words out. I break down into silent sobs. L stares with worried eyes. But he stops and pulls me towards him carefully and holds me tight, my head resting on his chest, one hand on the back of my head, holding me close and the other wrapped around me. I loop my arms around him and cry into his shirt while he gently rocks me. I curl my legs up. "Shh, don't worry Elsie. Im here..." he coaxes. We sit there in almost complete silence, until I finally stop crying, and then he says quietly, "do you want to tell me what's wrong?" I take a deep breath, and I turn my face away from his chest. "I dreamed about the car crash… I thought it wouldn't bother me after a while but I guess things like that never really leave you..." I sulk. L considers this for a moment, and sighs. "When my parents died, I was exactly the same. I used to wake up screaming and thrashing about until watari came to see what was wrong. Then I stopped sleeping altogether. Then I started hallucinating and there was that incident in the woods. They died almost 3 years ago and I still wake up in cold sweats. So I don't tend to sleep anymore. Hence the eyeliner look" he jokes, gesturing at his face with one hand before putting it back on my head. "I wouldn't say it's unusual to feel this way after your parent's death. Anyway, at least you have me. I didn't have anyone but Watari, and it's not really the same." "Thank you L.." I murmur. "Elsie?" "Hmm?" "Try to get back to sleep..." He whispers, moving the both of us down so we are propped half against the pillows. "You won't go will you?" I beg. "Never..." he swears. After a few moments of silence. L breathes in heavily. He speaks again softly. "I think I love you Elsie." The misery is swept from my mind instantly. I look up at L, and he looks down at me with his beautiful black eyes. Waiting for a reaction. "Well I _know_ I love you Lawliett" We both fall asleep, arms wrapped firmly around each other, Ls head now rests on the top of mine…

 **L**

I can't believe that she feels the same about me as I do her. When she answered my confession with her own, it was the happiest moment of my life. I stir awake and take in my surroundings. Elsie is still lying, arms clasped around me and head now on my shoulder, but im aware that we are now lying down fully, rather than sitting propped up against the headboard, it's a lot comfier anyway. I look intently upon her sleeping face. Taking in every millimetre of it. Every single part of it is beautiful. A lock of her hair is over her nose and lips. I gently tuck it back behind her ear and I smile. I pull her closer again, and fall back to sleep, my breathing matching hers…

"Come on L, wake up!" Elsie is hovering inches from my face when I wake up, I jump a little, but she just laughs. "Come on… its nearly midday!" I sit up and rub my eyes. "Fine..."

As we leave the room, she slips her hand into mine and squeezes it in reassurance… she's been trying to get me to spend more time around the other kids, but she still has to force me a bit sometimes. She half pulls me towards the living room and pushes open the door. Four boys and a couple of girls are sitting playing a game of cards. Im aware that although the other kids are irritated with Elsie for being my friend, she's rather popular with the other boys. So they all look up as she walks in, and glance to our hands, that are still entwined together. They sit there, mouths hanging open. It's pretty comical actually. She grins and pulls me towards an armchair. I know instantly what she's thinking. I climb up onto the chair first, but I sit cross-legged, rather than my usual manner, and she sits sideways on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. She kisses me. At first im not sure what to do, but then I know. I kiss her back. We can feel eyes on us, but we don't care.

We ignore them completely. When we finally pull away, we smile from ear to ear and stare into each other's eyes. She tears her eyes away from mine and turns to see the kids still staring at us. We both burst out laughing. "Hey guys!" Elsie beams at them. "How're you lot doing?" they break their eye contact and one of the boys say "umm, we're good. Err you?" "Yeah, im actually great thanks!" she reply's, sounding a little out of breath from laughing so hard. They turn their attention to me, and to my surprise they actually talk to me. "You good L?" "Oh? Yeah thanks..." Elsie looks up at me again and giggles. "What's so funny?" I ponder out loud. "Your blushing…"she carries on giggling. "I am? I guess it's because that was my first kiss…" I confess. I can feel my face burning. "Wow really? Well don't worry, I wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me, you're a great kisser!" "Thanks I guess. They always say seconds the best though.." I lean down and kiss her first this time. "Soo, how long have you two been together then?" one of the girls ask curiously. "well officially since last night.." I reply. They seem impressed by the fact I've spoken up for once. These aren't the kids who bully me, they are just the ones who follow along so that they don't start getting bullied for being L sympathisers. "Awesome! To be honest, I never thought you'd manage to get a girlfriend L!" a boy joked. I shrug and smile at him. "Neither did I..." everyone laughs. "So, where's everyone else?" Elsie asks when the laughter dies down. "Only we don't really want to be around them, they'll spoil our good moods..." "Don't worry, I think they've all gone into town so they won't be back for a while." I feel myself relax slightly at this answer. "Hey do you two want to play cards with us?" a girl queries. "Yeah, sure thanks" Elsie returns, jumping down from the armchair and grabbing my hand. She pulls me off, and I perch up on my heels in a circle with the others…

 **ELSIE**

I convince L to come and eat dinner with everyone else today, after all, Watari will be there, so nothing will happen. But im still set on getting him to interact with people more. He seemed more relaxed when we played cards with the others, but he was worried the whole time that the other kids would get back. We sit next to each other at the table, and both extend out a hand beneath it linking our fingers together. L Doesn't eat much, and doesn't say anything. He's sitting with his shoulders hunched up, and his knees tucked up to his chest as usual. He's hanging his head low. He looks really miserable. While everyone else is talking, I turn to face him. "What's wrong L?" He looks up to meet my eyes, but his eyes dart around the room first to make sure no one was looking. "I just feel uncomfortable around everyone… and I had another dream last night. I'll tell you about it later." I open my mouth to say something, but someone else cuts in first. "Why are you talking to that moron Elsie? You should hang with _us._ He's a loser, did you miss the memo?" the voice is coming from a boy called Ross. He's the new leader in the "lets ruin Ls life club." He's also been trying to get me to go out with him since I got here. "I think I can decide for myself who I hang out with, who's really a loser, and who the real morons are." I snap back. "Ooh feisty!" he jeers. "I can be very feisty! Just leave us alone..." he pauses for a moment. "Us? What do you mean us?" L raises his head and stares at Ross with cold, angry eyes. "She means we're together, so you need to back off!" we both stand and link hands. We walk out of the dining room as Watari enters with a puzzled look on his face. "What's going on in here?" he quizzes. "Oh, nothing Watari..." I answer. As we go to the back door and I slip on shoes and a coat. But L doesn't bother. Im pretty sure he's against shoes for some reason.

"What was your dream about then L? you seem rather depressed about it." I say as we stroll by the river in the orphanages huge garden. "I just dreamt about my life, in a nutshell. And it was depressing. It depresses me to know my life is depressing. You know?" he stutters slightly. "I think so… L?" "Elsie?" He replies. "I know this is a really personal question, but…" "Go for it..." "Have you stopped cutting yet?" he's silent for a long moment before simply shaking his head and looking at the ground. I sigh. We stop walking and stand to face each other. "Will you? For me? Pretty please…" I beg, I give him puppy dog eyes. "I suppose I can try…" "Thankyou. When we get back inside later, you will give me all the blades?" I half ask, half order. He nods his head. We walk on a little more, before finding a tree next to the river with large roots growing over the top of the soil, creating nests almost. Perfect for two sixteen year olds to sit and watch the sunset in. we settle with our backs against the tree, arms wrapped around each other and my head on his shoulder with his resting on mine. Over trees and between a couple of rolling green hills, we see the sun, glowing its warm amber colour, sinking behind the horizon, slowly but surely plunging the landscape into night once again. And it's peaceful. L is at his best here, alone with me. We stay there for at least an hour and a half, before even L is beaten by the cold, and we traipse back through the garden and back into the house, where by now, all the other kids have returned to their rooms. "So we going in your room or mine tonight?" I smile. "I think we'll go to mine. The heating's better." He chuckles lightly. When we get to his room, he hands be five small blades and opens up his laptop on the bed. "I have a case that im working on for the police." He answers, before I even ask what he's doing, which he knew I was going to. He's good at reading faces. "Ok. What is it?" "A woman was murdered in broad daylight and they pretty much know the killer is one of two men. They want me to decide which one it is. I've worked it out. I just have to message them my findings." He finishes. I hug him from behind. "you're so smart!" I remark. "Don't sound so surprised Elsie!" he laughs.

 **L**

I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stretch my arms upwards as Elsie and I simultaneously wake up, and drag ourselves out of each other's arms. She just lies there with a pillow over her head, groaning for a moment. I lie back down, facing her, and slowly lift the pillow up so I can see her face. I smile gently at her. "im just going to go have quick shower ok?" I whisper. She nods her head in understanding, and I take off down the hall for the bathroom. I shiver as I step into the shower, and I promptly realise that there are leaves matted into my black hair, from my head resting on the tree. I brush them out with my fingertips. When I finish washing my hair, I look down to my arms, and shudder with regret. The entire inside of my forearm is covered in both faded and fresh scars and cuts. The new ones suddenly burn under the hot water, but I completely ignore the pain. I lift the other arm, and see the self-inflicted wound on that one too, though none of these are painful. My thin thighs also have some scars stretching across them. My hand instinctively moves around my body, to touch the deep scars on my back. I trace over them with my fingers and sigh. I turn off the water and quickly, I dry myself with a towel, and redress, before heading back to my room. Elsie's up and has changed her clothes already, into a teal skater skirt and a plain white top, and fixed her hair in a messy bun. I grin to myself while processing how ridiculously cute she looks. "Do I look ok?" she asks nervously. Im not sure why girls are that bothered about what everyone else thinks but oh well. "You look beautiful, as usual Elsie." I beam at her. And she returns the expression. "Thank you, and as do you L" she grins. I just roll my eyes at her and we make our way downstairs. We briefly make an appearance at breakfast, but we didn't talk to anyone and it only takes us 5 minutes to finish eating what little we could be bothered to. Then we leave the house to go for another walk as currently it is unusually warm outside. We find a small meadow somewhere behind the woodland area, and lie down in the grass, looking up to the sky. Listening to the birds and the steady humming of bees and other insects. We talk about random things that cross our minds. Like how Elsie's mother used to make her daisy crowns, and like how my father built me a tree house when I was younger. We lay there for a lengthy amount of time, wishing we could stay there forever, but unfortunately, there's no kettle out here, and I _really_ need a cup of tea. So we slowly retrace our steps to get back to the house, where I make us both some tea. I put a "normal" amount of sugar in hers, but mine is more sugar than tea. I've always liked it that way and my parents used to be pretty annoyed when all the sugar would disappear after id only had a couple of drinks. I smile at the memory. Sitting across from Elsie at the breakfast bar, we slowly sip our tea. The breakfast bar is the worktop I kicked randy into that time when I couldn't control my annoyance at him anymore, so the memory comes back to me, but I shake it off. I often think about randy, amongst other things. And I always wonder why he was like how he was. I do not simple believe that someone can just be that cruel, cold and uncaring without having a reason for it. I wonder momentarily what had happened to Randy's parents. I mean he was in the orphanage so obviously they're dead. But something traumatic could have caused him to become that person. Maybe he felt like I do. Then Elsie's voice snaps me awake. "You're zoning out L..." "I am? Its fine, im just tired." Elsie looks sceptical, but doesn't ask any questions. As we sit in silence, I hear the door of the kitchen open, but I don't need to turn around to realise who it is, I can tell just by the face Elsie is making, staring at the boy behind me. "Hey Elsie..." Ross jeers as he strides in, with two boys trailing in behind him, "how's it going?" he continues. "It was considerably better before you came in." she scoffs, taking another sip of tea. "Now now Elsie, no need to be so rude. Our problems not with you, but rather with your pathetic boyfriend. "what have I done now?!" I quiz them calmly. Not raising my voice, and actually sounding quite bored. "Nothing in particular, we just don't particularly like you, and you stole my girlfriend…" Ross starts, but I cut him off. "I honestly couldn't care less whether you like me or not. But my deductive skills have led me to conclude that you long ago lost your brain cells, perhaps in an accident?" I spin around on my chair to face him, and I chew my thumb nail as I speak. Im going into detective mode. "So you are making yourself appear unintelligent. I also think it's important for you to realise that you are delusional. Elsie never was, and never will be your girlfriend, as im not sure that brainless, rude and downright morons are her type, so again, Ross, I think you should consider backing off. Because if Elsie ever has a problem with you, I will track you down and break your nose, so that you can no longer stick it where it doesn't belong." By the time I finish speaking, I am standing in front of Ross, close to him, looking down on him. He chuckles nervously and takes a few steps back. "If you say so L, don't worry, im not gonna give you a reason to do that. But I still stand by what I said." He lowers his voice so only I can hear him, "you did steal my potential girlfriend. And you need to watch yourself. You're becoming a little too cocky for your own good. See you two around." He laughs, turning and leaving me and Elsie alone again. I face her. "If he causes you any problems, tell me." I order quietly, and I sit back in front of her. She rubs my hand comfortingly across the table to ease away my anger. "Ok…" she replies. And we sit in a comfortable silence again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Elsie**

We sit in my room, on the floor, back to back, and L has his arm over a guitar and his fingers nimbly plucking at the strings. I recognise the song. "Hey L? can you sing?" I ask suddenly, tipping my head back so it's resting on his shoulder, he looks down at me with smiling eyes. "I don't really know. Why?" he replies, looking back down at the guitar. I roll over so that im kneeling, and I shift over to sit in front of him. I ignore his question. "If you sing I will." I suggest. He laughs and rolls his eyes. "You girls are so soppy. Fine." He laughs. He starts the song over, and plays the intro. We come in at the same time. " _Well I won't back down, well I won't back down. You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down."_ We are both laughing a little to start with, but soon we get right into it. And we actually harmonise. Ls a really good singer! (Surprisingly) The chorus starts. _"Heyy, baby, there aint no easy way out. Heyy I, will stand my ground, and I won't back down_. "We sing the whole song and when it's over, I look at him "so your super smart, a comical genius, and you can sing? Show off." I scoff. He returns the comment with, "And you're amazing in literally every way, including your voice, it would seem… I love you Elsie." My heart melts a little whenever I hear him say that. "I love you too Lawliet."

 **L**

It's cold, and dark. We're in a basement. My arms are shackled to the walls. My legs in irons. The metal is cold against my skin. I shiver. I can't see anything in front of me, it's all eerie blackness. Seemingly out of nowhere, a spotlight appearing in the middle of the room. Standing within its light, is Elsie. Three men emerge from the shadows, behind her. My eyes adjust to see their faces. Standing there, clutching sharp, jagged knives, are Ross, Randy and a cloaked man. I look from the cloaked man to Elsie, in terror. I know who he is. I scream. "ELSIE! LOOK OUT!" the cloaked man remains behind Elsie, and the other two move towards me. One either side. They force my head to look straight forwards, as the cloaked man raises the knife to her throat. He starts to cut, and she screams my name begging for help, I scream back. I can't move. Im useless. In one smooth movement, the knife is ripped across her throat. I yell. And kick and scream. I close my eyes tight.

"L! wake up!" I sit up abruptly, screaming, I see a face in front of me and shift backwards, close to the wall. Elsie, inches forwards and wraps her arms around me timidly. Once I realise it's her, Im silent, apart from shaky, heavy breaths. "Another nightmare?" another voice says. Also sitting beside me is Watari, frowning with worry. I don't say anything, but I return Elsie's embrace and try to get control of my breathing. Elsie answers for me. "It's every time he falls asleep now." "That's a problem" he regards. About a month ago Roger found out about the two of us sharing a bed, and said we mustn't anymore for legal reasons. Watari protested that it did no harm. But roger is stubborn. Ever since then the nightmares started again more regularly. But Elsie's room is directly opposite mine, so she often hears my screaming and comes in to deal with it. "I cannot let you two share again of course, it's the rules. However, if you were to after I have left, I don't think roger or I would notice." He winks and leaves the room. Elsie and i don't get to sleep that night. Instead, we stay up, talking in hushed voices, hugging and kissing- a lot and lying in each other's arms in complete silence. I don't mention it to Elsie, but I have an uneasy feeling, that someone is watching my every move…

 **Elsie**

While L is in the shower, I make the decision to go for a walk on my own for a while. I tell him this and leave the house. I take a path down in the woodland area. I stick my hands in my pockets and stare at my feet as I walk. Thinking about L, as usual. Out of worry, and love. But also thinking about the feeling I have at the moment. As if im being watched. I hear leaves crunching and I turn towards the noise. Standing behind me is Ross. He's on his own, which is unusual, I ignore him. But he runs in front of me and blocks my way. "Hey Elsie, where's your Loser of a boyfriend?" I push past him and walk on. "go away ross." I snap. "oh come now Elsie, you know you don't really want me to go away." He grabs me by the arm and pushes me against a tree. He holds my arms by the wrists against the tree. I can smell the strong stench of alcohol on his breath. He has older friends in town who buy it for him. "Ross! Let go of me!" I yell, suddenly afraid. He sneers at me. "And why would I do that? We both know you really like me." I struggle under his grip, but he's too strong. He shoves me to the ground, and again pins my hands down. Then he kisses me. He's so vile, that I nearly choke. I scream at the top of my lungs- very aware of what he's planning to do next. "will you shut up?" he bellows. I cry. As he starts to move his hands down, I hear footsteps running towards us. Standing is L and one of the boys we played cards with. Ls face contorts into a disgusted and furious scowl as he runs towards Ross and kicks him, very hard in the face, knocking him off of me. Im too stunned to move, but the other boy swiftly moves towards me and pulls me to my feet, supporting me, and we back away from Ross and L. The boy looks at me with a concerned face. "Oh my god, are you ok Elsie!" his round grey eyes are opened wide. The boy actually looks a little like L, but with white hair and more grey eyes than black. " yeah im.." I start, but I look back over at the boys. L is sitting on Ross's stomach to keep him from moving, and is punching him in the face, screaming angrily. Both of them have blood running from their noses, so Ross must have got a few hits in. "stay here." The little white haired boy commands, and hurries towards L and Ross, dragging L off Ross calmly and pulling him to his feet. "L! Calm down! Ok? You got the asshole, that's enough." L looks down at Ross, and kicks him in the ribs in annoyance before walking back towards me with the boy. "Elsie! Are you ok? Did he? You know..." the words tumble from his mouth. "Im fine, you two stopped him before..." I can't finish the sentence. "He embraces me for a long time. "L! your face!" I cry suddenly. "Oh... yeah." He wipes the blood from his nose. "Elsie, please go back inside. We ll get this piece of shit back." He gestures to the dazed Ross, still lying on the floor. I turn and run in the direction of the house. Looking back to see the younger boy and l half carrying Ross with them. I shout to the boy. "Hey! What's your name again?" "Coby Rivers" he replies. And I carry on running.

 **L**

"Elsie, could you please tell us what exactly happened before the

boys came to your aid?" The police woman questions Elsie, as me and

Coby sit with her in the living room. She's clearly uncomfortable

thinking about it, but she bravely answers. "Ross stalked me out into

the woods and then held me against a tree. Then he pushed me to the

ground and he kissed me," she shudders. "Then, he tried to… well you

know that part. L stopped him, and Coby helped me up." The Cop

makes notes and shakes her head in sadness. "And were you hurt?"

she continues. "I hit my head on a tree root when he pushed me, but

im okay." The woman nods and turns to me and Coby. "What is your

version of events? Please explain how you stopped Ross as well." I

stop, and recall exactly what happened.

I had gotten out of the shower and was walking down the stairs, when I noticed through a window, that Ross was walking into the woods, following another set of footprints. I knew that Elsie probably would have gone in that direction on her walk. I went into the kitchen, where Coby was sitting and I asked him if he had seen where Elsie had gone. He said she had gone into the woods, and that he had seen Ross following her out. Then we both heard the screams. We both ran instantly down that woodland path and found Ross and Elsie. I tell the Police woman this, and pause a little before continuing. "Then I kicked him in the face and punched him quite a bit. I broke his nose. But he did manage to hit me enough to give me a nosebleed. Then me and Coby bought him back to the house and reported the incident to Watari." Coby confirms my story, and the police woman leaves, after telling us that Ross will be convicted of assault. I hug Elsie, to help her relax a little, which she does, and I give Coby a smile over her shoulder.

Ross is instantly removed from the orphanage, and it's found that he had been carrying a knife in his pocket at the time of the assault. As he's nearly 18 anyway, he's sentenced as an adult, and charged with intent to kill and assault. Even though he is gone, Elsie behaves much the way that I did when I was attacked, flinching away from people, and opting out to being around anyone but Coby and I. Coby decides to separate himself from his other friends because they won't stop bullying me, and he becomes a close friend to both Elsie and me. He rarely leaves our side, but we don't have any objections to it. Pretty much the only time Elsie and I are alone is at night. As Elsie and I did when we first met, we sat down with Coby one day to just chat, and we found out more about him. "Do you have any brother or sisters?" Elsie asks him. "Yeah I've got a little brother." "What's his name?" she continues. "Nate, but he prefers to be called Near, for some reason. He's only four so he's living… well somewhere else, but he'll move here when he's older. Okay, now I get to ask two questions." He thinks for a moment. "What's your second name Elsie, and have you got any brothers or sisters." "My second name is Keehl and I have a younger brother called Miheal, who's six, but prefers to be called Mello. He also has an interest in detectives He'll probably move here when he's 8." Huh, not even I knew that. As Elsie mentions her brother's nickname, a look of surprise flashes onto Coby's face, only for a second, and then its gone. But only I pick up on it. "Ok, its my turn" I start thinking. "What are your favourite sweets?" they both laugh. "I don't really like sweets, but I could live off chocolate." Elsie replies. "I don't really like sweets, or food for that matter" Coby answers. Elsie and I give him a disgusted look. "What?" he says defensively. I turn to Elsie. "I think Coby's sick…" we all laugh. "NO, but in all seriousness, go get help." Elsie continues, trying to keep a straight face. At that moment, Watari walks into the room. "Elsie, Mello is here with his foster mother. They wanted to drop by to see you." Elsie is up off her feet in seconds. She pulls both Coby and I off our seats. "Really!" she squeals excitedly. Watari nods. "Come with me guys! I want you to meet him." we don't have a chance to answer before she pulls us from the room.

Sitting at the breakfast bar, there is a tall, serious looking woman, with a child sitting next to her. The child has blonde/ginger hair just like Elsie, but his sits neatly above shoulder length. I can just about see his icy blue eyes, but his long fringe almost hide them. When he sees Elsie, his mouth curves into a gleeful smile as he hops down from his chair and runs at her. She smiles and scoops him up to hug him tightly. "Hey Mello!" she beams. "I missed you! Wow, you've grown!" I realise that Elsie hasn't seen her brother since her parents and sister died. "You've gotten taller" Mello remarks as Elsie sets him down again. "Nice observation" she laughs. "Hello Miss Maki." She addresses the stern faced woman, who only nods curtly in reply. "Mello, this is my friend Coby, and this, is my boyfriend L." she smiles at the young boy. Mello, is apparently very mature for a six year old, and shakes Coby's hand and then mine. Then he raises an eyebrow in realisation. "L? You mean like that mysterious detective?" he starts excitedly. Elsie looks up at me, to tell me to answer that one. "Actually yes. I say, kneeling down. I lower my voice. "What if I was to tell you I am L?" his face lights up. "Really?" he whispers. I reply with a yup and place a finger to my lips. "Shh, keep it a secret yeah?" Mello nods frantically. "Wait! So _he_ is your _boyfriend!_ " the boy exclaimed to Elsie. "Well what can I say mello. Im just too fabulous to attract anyone less than awesome." We all laugh, including Coby. But he looks solemn for some reason. "I think Coby and I better leave you guys alone for a while. See you later." I state. "Ok, bye!" Elsie and Mello say at the same time. I give Coby a little nudge towards the door, and we walk up to his room.

The whole room is a blinding white, like a hospital room. It matches the white clothes that Coby always wears. I close the door behind me. "You miss Near don't you?" he just sighs and nods his head, leaning against the window sill with his arms crossed over his stomach. "Just seeing Elsie with her little brother… reminded me of him." he breathes quietly. "Why don't you ask to see him then?" I say, puzzled. "Well, Nears a little… complicated…" he gives me a look. As if telling me not to ask again right now. "Ok. Do you want to go out for a while? It's pretty nice out?" I change the subject. "Good idea." He replies, smiling. I wonder what he means by Nears complicated. But I don't ask. We shortly leave the house and walk into town…

 **Coby-** **A few months previous**

Nate clings onto me, and buries his tiny pale head in my shirt, as we desperately wish that he won't find us. We huddle together in the wardrobe located in our late sister's bedroom. I hear crashing and drunken yelling from downstairs as our father throws things and smashes things against the walls. Nate, being only 3, is terrified, and sobbing miserably in my arms. "Shh. It'll be okay near, don't worry. I've got you." He looks up at me with big, round eyes that shimmer with their misty grey colour and tears. "Why is daddy so angry?" he pleads. I don't know how to answer that in a way a normal child will understand. But Near has always been eerily clever, despite his young age. "Unfortunately, he's just like this sometimes. Daddy doesn't have a very nice personality." Near considers this before speaking again. "Is he angry because Anna died?" his comment makes my heart ache. Only I know what actually happened that day. Dad told everyone our sister, Anna, had killed herself. But I was there. And that's not what happened. "No near, that's not it. Keep quiet now ok?" near nods, and we huddle closer together. Hardly daring to breathe as we hear the door of the bedroom kicked open.

Our father sways in the doorway for a second before advancing further into the room. "WHERE ARE YOU?" Worthless wastes of air the both of you. I know you're in the wardrobe. COBY! If you don't come out, im gonna kill both of you!" he screams furiously. _Like you did to Anna? You gonna throw us across the room and kick us unconscious, then choke us till we stop twitching? Is that it?_ I only meant to think these words, but I ended up actually screaming them out, momentarily forgetting Near, not even a centimetre away from me. I ply my brothers arms off of me and climb out of the Wardrobe. He will not hurt my brother. "Hehe, so you remember that do you? I thought I'd hit you hard enough to make you forget about that." Im suddenly aware again of my aching jaw, which is painted with a dark purple bruise. "No. And im not a child anymore. I am 16. You will not control us like this anymore." "Oh is that so?" Father smirks and as I look into his eyes, I feel like im staring at a demon. "And your brother? You can't defend him, and I will kill him if it means proving my point. I can control you all I want. I am your _god_!" he takes a step towards the wardrobe, pulling out a knife slowly. I launch myself at him as he pulls open the wardrobe. "NO!" I scream as I grab his arm. I twist it behind his back harshly, and he screeches in pain. I drag him away from the wardrobe, where Near sits staring, trembling. As im distracted by nears pleading face, my father pulls away, pushing me against the wall by my throat. He punches my stomach hard and my breath leaves my body. Blood trickles from my mouth. I remember something at that moment. I use every ounce of energy I have left to reach for something tucked under my shirt behind me. I suddenly pull my knee up and catch him in the groin. He staggers back and trys to come at me again but stops as I press the cold metal pistol against his sweating forehead…

"HOW DARE YOU!" my father screams in fury. "FINE! HAVE IT YOUR WAY" before I can do anything, my father turns back towards Near and pulls him harshly towards him by the wrist, and pushes him in front of him, with the knife against his throat. Near squeals and tears pour down his face. "COBY!" Near screams. "LET HIM GO!" I shout. But he shakes his head. "First put the gun down, or I will kill him." and he meant it. I have no choice as I lay the gun on the floor. He removes the knife from Nears neck, and I foolishly believe he will just let him go. But he kicks near in the stomach so that he collapses and advances back on me. "NEAR!" I cry. I can hear him gasping for air, just like Anna did, but I can't see him, as my father towers over me. I back against the wall and close my eyes, knowing there is nothing more I can do. I know what's coming. I feel cold, strong hands tighten around my neck, and they don't let go no matter how much I struggle. Black spots my vision. As I start to lose consciousness I hear a loud BANG! That echoes around the room, rattling every grimy window and door, and the murderous monster choking me falls to the ground with a loud thud. The last thing I see before I close my eyes is Near standing with the gun still pointed at our already dead father, face emotionless, and breathing heavily, his eyes glinting dangerously…

 **Elsie**

"L, I think there's something wrong with Coby..." I worry in a hushed tone as L and I lay in bed. "He's been zoning out a lot lately and staring off into the distance..." L faces me. "Yeah, I know… he just misses his brother..." he sighs sadly. "Why doesn't he go and see him then?" I puzzle. "He says that Nears complicated… but I don't know what he means by that." He idly traces his fingers over the cuts on his bare arms as he speaks. "But still, he could go and see him, unless he's insane or something…" We lie there in silence until we finally drift into sleep.

"I thought about what you said L, and im going to go and see Near later." Coby declares over breakfast, which we eat in my room to avoid being in contact with people. "Really? That's great… it's about time, you've been sulking for weeks…" L grumbles tiredly. "Aha, yes Lawliet, you're so ridiculously funny!" Coby rolls his eyes sarcastically before continuing. "Anyway, I was hoping you too could come with me. I love my brother but in all honesty he scares me a little..." he confesses, nervously wringing his fingers. "Why would you be scared of a four year old?" L asks curiously. "You'll see if you come with me... so will you?" he asks again. "Ok." We say simultaneously. After we finish all our schoolwork, we make our way to the sleek black car parked outside the orphanages gates, waiting to take us to wherever this kid lives. During the journey, me and L don't say a word, but we exchange nervous glances at each other and hold hands tightly, neither of us knowing what to expect. Coby shifts around uncomfortably the whole time. We drive for about half an hour before we pull out in front of a large building, that looked like it was once painted white, but now looked a dirty grey colour. A sign situated above the glass door entrance reads, " _Children's hospital"_ but it seems like more of an asylum. The driver leads us into the building and up into a hallway with a sign saying " _Mentally damaged patients."_ Coby sees our concerned faces, and speaks before we can. "Don't worry, it's fine…" this doesn't seem like a normal children's hospital. We are then directed towards a large metal door with a sign marked only with a name. Nate River. Coby takes in a deep breath and pushes open the heavy door…


	5. Chapter 5

**L**

Any belief that I have that this is a real children's hospital is instantly gone as we enter the cold, concrete walled room. The room barely Has enough light to see anything at first, and it's not until Coby switches on the small hanging ceiling light that we get a better look at the room. We stand in the small, square room and observe the lack of furniture at first. But the floor is littered with many plastic toys such as Lego and toy soldiers, robots and an extremely creepy doll sitting in the corner of the room. The only other furniture in room is a metal framed bed, with faded sheets, neatly made up, with a tiny white figure sitting beside it on the floor. It takes me a minute to realise that the figure is actually a child. "Hey Near," Coby walks slowly over to the boy, and they hug when he finally manages to get past all the toys. Coby sits down next to him on the floor.

Near looks very much like Coby, with round grey eyes and white hair. Only his is about the same length as mine in contrast to Coby's short, floppy hair. Near sits with one knee up against his chest and the other leg stretched out in front of him. he spins a lock of his snow white hair around his fingers as he looks up to me and Elsie, still standing near the exit. Suddenly, Nears face brightens a little as he chuckles. "I don't bite," Me and Elsie again exchange a quick glance, and we move closer.

Near looks down again and begins to stack a pile of coloured cubes into tower. "So how have you been Near? Have you been listening to the doctors?" Near hesitates before answering, not looking up from his tower. "I can't exactly say I've been great Coby, and no, I don't listen to the doctors, because there's nothing wrong with me." He glances to the creepy doll in the corner. And stands up to continue stacking the cubes, as by now, he's made the tower too tall for him to sit. "Near, you know that's not the case. If there's nothing wrong with you, why do you keep having violent outbursts and threatening to kill people?" Near laughs. Elsie grabs my hand and squeezes it, obviously pretty nervous about being around this kid.

"it's not my fault! They provoke me!" Near stops stacking and looks at me and Elsie. "Why does everyone always look at me like that? Like im about to pounce at them or something!" he's starting to get angry as he speaks, I see his eyes narrow in annoyance and he lowers is brow.

His mouth curls into an irritated frown. Coby too notices the change of facial expression and becomes visibly worried. "Near, it might be because you look at them like that." Coby sighs tentatively.

"Like what?" his expression instantly snaps back to a calm, neutral one within only a second, as if he were another person entirely, further creeping Elsie out, but intriguing me. Coby doesn't speak again for about 30 seconds, considering whether or not to ask the question in his head, but he decides that he should. "Near? Has Mello been causing you problems again?" Me and Elsie suddenly become very confused, but I catch on to what Coby is on about, as I remember the look he gave when he found out that Elsie's brother liked to be called Mello. He gave that look because he was surprised that Miheals nickname was the same name as his brothers other personality.

And my theory is confirmed, when Nears face turns into one with a dark twisted smile and his voice changes to a lower, more menacing one as he opens his mouth to speak. "Oh Coby, you know as well as I do that Near is not the problem here, he never was the sort to cause trouble." He laughs darkly.

 **Coby**

"Mello…" the name echoes around the room as I start to panic a little. The last time Mello too control of Near, a guard got black eye and some nasty, bleeding bite-marks on his arm. I have to stop myself from moving away, as that would only provoke him more.

"Mello, don't do anything stupid. You know they'll keep you here Longer if you do." My voice comes out shaky. Mello rolls his eyes and Bites the inside of his cheek in thought, looking up and turning his Head towards me and frowning. "I suppose your right, especially since were being watched through the camera that they hid inside that doll over there, but I don't think Near knows about that yet. I'll leave him alone, for now, but only because I know that by doing so, we'll be free soon." He smiles, and sits on the floor again.

And looks down. When he looks up again, his expression is again calm, and we know that Near is back. "Near, you've got to get Mello under control. Or he's going to get you in serious trouble." My voice is stern and serious. He looks over to a blank space on the wall sadly and shakes his head. "im trying, but It's not that simple." He sighs. "I prefer to not think about it. Anyway, who are your friends?" he smiles, eager to change the subject. Elsie steps forward, and extends a hand out to the boy, who takes it. "Im Elsie, nice to meet you Near." She smiles politely.

Near returns the smile. "Im Lawliet, but most people just call me L" L adds, also shaking Nears hand. "Hi, im sorry, if I creeped you guys out… I do that a lot." Near sighs. "You don't creep me out Near, I actually find you intriguing, if I may say so.." L replies.

"Really? What about me intrigues you?" Near smiles, but it's not creepy this time. Its more natural, and gentle, like a four year olds smile should be. "Your intelligence, and maturity. Also Mello as well." The white haired child chuckles lightly. "Thanks, I think. Mello intrigues me too, although, maybe that's just because he's a part of me I don't know very well, and im concerned about it. I don't think im overly smart or mature, though."

He grins, tiredly. Despite his young age, he already has light circles under his eyes from not sleeping anywhere near the amount he should. He stays awake because he's worried that Mello will take over him while he's vulnerable, but this means he's always tired and weak. It makes it hard for him to hold Mello back. "What do you mean Near, you're a genius!" I exclaim as I ruffle his hair and he laughs. "Well I suppose compared to you I am…" he grins. "Hey, don't be cheeky.." I chuckle as I reach over and hug him again. He wraps his arms around me. "I missed you Coby…" Near starts to cry a little, but he's still smiling. "I missed you more, trust me." I choke back tears. And I look him in the eye.

"Near, if you behave, they'll let you out, and you can live with us…" I remind him. "Can you do that? For me? I need you Near." He nods his head. "I promise I'll try…" "Ok. I love you Near." "I love you too Coby."

 **L**

"A split personality. That's why he's complicated?" I ask, and Coby nods in response, biting his lip. "Why didn't you just tell us?" Elsie chimes in. Coby shrugs. "I guess I was worried you might judge him before you met him. I always planned to go visit him, but there was no way I was going alone." It's a fair enough reason. We sit in silence Elsie holds onto one of my hands, and also clasps one of Coby's comfortingly, as both of us can tell that seeing Near had somewhat unnerved him. I smile a little as Elsie rests her head on my shoulder.

I rest mine on top of hers and we remain like that until we pull up outside the orphanage. I bite my lip in thought as we walk towards the front door, and Elsie sees. But doesn't say anything yet. She knows what im thinking. Coby turns to us. "Thanks for coming with me guys, if nothing else, it's good for Near to meet new people- he's kinda isolated there. Im gonna just go let Watari know were back, he told me to let him know." "Your welcome, ok, see you later." I reply, and he smiles, turns and jogs into the house and towards the office. Elsie and I entwine our hands together as we enter the house.

When we enter we sit opposite each other on her four poster double bed before either of us talk. "Split personalities are caused by severe childhood trauma, right L?" Elsie frowns, staring at me with her gleaming emerald eyes that are brimming with sadness. I nod my head solemnly.

I drop my forehead down onto my knees. "Yeah. I've read about cases where victims of abuse in childhood develop split personalities." I look back up at Elsie and raise a thumb absently to my top lip. "I think Coby knew that we'd be able to work it out for ourselves when we met near. If he has a split personality, then the likely hood that the trauma affected Coby as well is high… id give it a 95% chance that he was abused too." She nodded in understanding.

Then I realise something that should have been obvious to an up and coming detective. "Hey Elsie, I.. Think I need to go and talk to Coby alone." She just nods her head, still looking incredibly miserable. I shuffle towards her and wrap her in a tight embrace. "Don't worry about him Elsie… He's fine." I hope. But I somehow doubt that that's entirely true. "I hope so…" she sighs. I release her and kiss her before slowly leaving the room.

I make my way to Coby's room and I knock on the door. I hear a muffled come in and push it open. "Hey L…" Coby sighs tiredly, sitting on his cushioned window seat. "I suppose you put the pieces together?" I move over and perch myself across from him. "Was it your mother or father?" I ask tentatively. "My father- if you would refer to him as a father at all. I can just tell you the story if you like. I know you're curious, you do that creepy wide eyed glare thing when you're curious." The snow haired boy smirks a little as I narrow my eyes a little. "I do not." "Yeah whatever L" he laughs. "Ok, I'll tell you."

 **Coby**

"when I was 12 my mother died whilst giving birth to near - and my Father always blamed him for it, and was convinced that he was evil, he even accused him of being the devil. Near doesn't remember obviously, but when he was a new-born, I walked into the bathroom and father was holding him under the water- me and my older sister Anna stopped him, and he said that as long as we never told anyone, he wouldn't do it again.

As near got older, father got worse and progressively violent. So he started beating us, and throwing us around. We were all anorexic and bruised from head to toe, but Anna and I always took the beatings so Near wouldn't have to. When Anna was 16 she confronted him, and said she was going to tell the police everything. I was in my room with near, who was just 3 at the

time. I heard Anna scream. I told Near to hide, and I ran to Anna's room and father was standing over her, but she wasn't moving, or breathing. She was already gone. When he noticed I was there, he just grinned. He told me he'd strangled her to death. Then he punched me in the face and I fell unconscious. He thought that would make me forget. He told everyone she'd committed suicide, and I pretended to believe it.

After that I knew that Near and I could very well be killed by him, so I borrowed a pistol from a schoolmate and he didn't ask any questions. I always kept it in the waist band if my trousers. One day, Father decided he'd had enough of beating us, and wanted both of us dead. Me and near hid In Anna's room, but father came in and threatened to kill us if we didn't show ourselves.

He went for near and I pulled him away, but he got free and held me against the wall. I pulled the gun on him, he backed off and then grabbed near, and held a knife to his throat. I put the gun down and he strangled me against the wall." At this, Ls face contorts into a pained expression, remembering when that happened to him I presume. I take a deep breath and continue. " Father had kicked near before coming at me, and he was on the floor screaming and crying.

But then he suddenly stopped and it was silent. I was about to go unconscious when I heard the gun go off. my father released his grip and fell to the floor with a hole through his head. Before I passed out, I saw Near standing with the gun still pointed at Father, but his face was emotionless and I could of sworn his eyes were glinting with evil, like father had always said.

A normal 3 year old, and certainly even older people would have had a trace of emotion after that. But there was nothing. I woke up in hospital, and the doctors told me Near had called them. But they looked really concerned. I asked them what was wrong. And they just looked at each other and told me to come see for myself. They lead me to the room that near was in and told me to ask him about what happened. When I did, he looked at me blankly, and just replied with "I don't remember, one minute I was on the floor, crying, and the next, I was trapped, I was still there, but someone else was me." when I asked what he meant, his face changed, he sneered and spoke again, but it wasn't his voice.

And he wasn't talking to me. "We killed him Near, we killed him!" then he started laughing loudly. He stopped abruptly. And started crying. "No! No! We wouldn't kill anyone! Leave me alone Mello!" he continued to talk like this until he started threatening to kill me, if Near wouldn't man up, as his other side put it. so the doctors came in and sedated him, but one of them got bitten in the process.

So they said he had split personality disorder, and was unsafe to be around, so once his wounds from the beatings were healed, he was carted off to that asylum disguised as a hospital, and I was sent here." L slowly nods his head before responding. "would I be right assume that you always wear those loose pyjamas so that the old wounds wont hurt?" he queries. "yeah, ive got scars and bruises all over my body, it hurts too much if I wear anything that's not baggy. What's your excuse for wearing that?" I laugh. He smiles briefly, but hesitates before answering. "I suppose after you ve told me that much, i should tell you some stuff about me that no one else knows, not even Elsie, yet." I listen intently…

 **L- 8 years previously**

My eyes flicker open slowly, expecting at least a slither of light but finding nothing but an eerie blackness, darker than my raven hair, darker than the lowest point at sea. I feel fabric against my face, and I realise I am blindfolded. I realise my hands are chained either side of me, against what feels like a stone wall. My body starts to shake violently as I feel a sudden breeze wash over me. A light is flicked on, and I start to remember what's happening. Panic floods my brain. The last thing I remember is sitting outside my house, I heard a noise, a vehicle? I turned to see, and the barrel of a gun collided with my face. I blacked out, and now im here.

I turn my head towards the sound of footsteps, and the blindfold is removed. The sudden wave of light makes my pupils constrict painfully. What do these people want of me? An 8 year old boy? How long have I been here? Where are my parents? The questions whirl around inside my head, and I almost don't notice when a harsh, grouchy voice cuts in to the silence, I realise that there are two men standing in front of me, both of which look vaguely familiar.

"Hello Lawliet… sorry for the rude awakening, and the chains." A large, muscular man sneers, flicking his greasy blonde hair out of his eyes. The other man is slightly shorter than the blonde, with grey hair, and an unsettling look about him that makes him more menacing than his companion. I can tell that he was the mastermind behind this kidnapping. "We won't insult you and dumb down our motives, we know your intellect eclipses that of a normal eight year olds. The fact of the matter is that my son was recently murdered, by your idiot of a father, and it seemed only fitting to return that favour." What? No, this can't be happening, it's so cliché that I have to restrain the urge to roll my eyes at him. "Why would my dad kill your son?" I exclaim, pulling fruitlessly at the shackles.

"Well your fathers a cop, my son was a criminal, but he was all I had, and he took him from me." the man states calmly, shaking his head and continuing with "but don't worry, im not gonna kill you yet, lets have a little fun first, shall we?" I go to ask what he means by that,

but he gestures to a space in front of me in which there is a table, with a camera resting on it. Suddenly, the large blonde man steps towards me with an almost regretful look on his face. "Im sorry kid, if I don't do this, he'll torture me too." Before I can respond, I feel an unbearable, burning sensation on my leg, as the accomplice holds a red hot iron rod against it. I scream until I can't breathe, until I hear the grey man's voice call out, "Enough Tom, I think that's enough for now." Tom removes the rod and walks off. The smaller man sneers right into the camera lens. "Mr Lawliet, if you do not conform and give yourself up to us within 3 days, we will kill your son, slowly and painfully. Every hour until you make your choice, we will hurt him more. And even then, you have to find us on your own. Good luck." He presses the button to stop the live feed, and laughs. It's the last thing I hear before I pass out from the pain of my leg…

"Two days and he hasn't come yet… shame, isn't it?" the grey haired man sighs, ignoring my limp form supported only by the chains around my wrists.

"We may have to up the torture a bit to further motivate him.." I try to protest, but I can't find my voice. My throat is dry and scratchy, and my whole body feels heavy, covered with bruises, cuts and burns. I think my ankle is broken from when I tried to kick the blonde haired man, tom, and he'd caught my leg and jerked my foot in an odd direction. I heard the bone snap. How could he possibly make this any worse? I can't talk, but I can cry. Just. It hurts my lungs and my eyes.

"Shut the fuck up kid, you're driving me insane!" the monster moves over and forces my eyes up to his roughly, holding my head up by the hair, tightly, making me wince. I try to stop crying but I can't. The man rolls his eyes, and punches me in the face so hard that my vision blurs. I let out a squeal in terror and frustration. He lets my head hang loose again and walks away My head hangs forward, dripping dark, crimson blood onto the floor.

"Sir we have an incoming call from the kids father, shall we take it?" the large blonde man calls from the table in front of me. "Yes. I have an idea of what may motivate him a bit more..." Oh god. What's he thinking? A laptop flickers into life and my father's face appears.

"Ah, Mr Lawliet, what can we do for you?" the grey man smiles, creepily, staring into the webcam.

"Let me see my son!" he demands angrily.

"As you wish" the creature laughs, stepping away from the camera so that my father can see me. The look on his face at the sight of me gives me the feel of someone ripping open my heart from the inside out. I must look really bad, worse than usual.

"L! Are you alright?" he asks quickly, and loudly. I frown disapprovingly at him, and can't help but be sarcastic.

"What the hell do you think?!" I practically yell at him. My captors find this amusing. And I myself am surprised I managed to talk that loudly. I have a violent coughing fit, as if to prove my point, and then I force myself to look again at my father. I couldn't help but hate him a little for not finding me yet.

"Im sorry." He goes to continue, but grey man cuts in. "look Mr L, this whole charade is getting old, I know you know where we are, you just don't want to give yourself up. You selfish, useless excuse of a man." he tuts quietly.

"What? You know where we are?" I demand angrily. Fathers face turns to one of extreme guilt.

"Im so sorry Lawliet, what this man says is true." My mouth hangs open slightly, pale lips parted, but no words come out. My father could save me from this, and has chosen to save himself.

"Mr L, if this doesn't motivate you to give yourself up like a real man, then your son is better off dead than living with you as a father anyway." Tom declares, looking at the grey haired man, to be told what to do next. The smaller man just nods his head curtly, and tom rises to his feet. He walks over to me and unlocks the cuffs. I fall in a heap to the floor, but im only there for a brief moment before I am lain down on the floor. I feel a towel being held against my face, and then the ice water drenching it, and seeping into my nose and mouth. I panic, and I unwisely try to scream, just allowing more water to seep into my lungs. _No no no no! Stop!_ Black spots my vision as my body begins to beg for oxygen. I hear my father shouting at them to stop, and they do before I pass out. Im abruptly sat up, and tom helps me stand and leans me over so that the access water can drain from my nose and face. I glare at my father's image on the screen, and I choke out my thoughts as loudly as I can.

"How could you! How could you!" I break down into silent, body wracking sobs, still supported by tom.

"Ok, OK! Im coming to your location now!" he replies, and the screen goes dark.

 **COBY- present day**

"He showed up half an hour later, with 6 other police men. Tom was shot dead because he was trying to choke me to death when they entered, and the other man escaped as soon as he heard that there were numerous police sirens." Ls face is Stoney and distant, but his eyes are threatening to let tears fall. "I went to hospital, and they treated all my wounds, but in truth, part of me always hated my father, and I was really distant from him. But on the day he died, those feelings left instantly…" L traces a finger up and down his leg absentmindedly. It must be where a scar is. I hesitate before talking again.

"Was it the man who escaped who killed your family?" L nods to confirm it. And shrugs his shoulders. "He's a really messed up guy. His name is Sylas Thomas. My father had found out before he died, and it turned out the two men were ex cops, so father had worked with them before. That's why they seemed so familiar."

"Wow, and I thought my life's been bad…" I sigh sympathetically. "I mean you've been kidnapped, tortured, bullied, nearly beaten to death various times and orphaned. No wonder you're so depressed." Normal friends probably wouldn't be that blunt about it, but by this point L and I are about as close as two friends can be without literally being gay together, so he won't take offence by anything I say. "Yeah I know right? Im just a misfortune magnet. Hopefully it doesn't rub off on you and Elsie." He smiles lightly, running a hand through his hair. "Come on, let's go find some food or something, Im starving…" L continues, standing and making for the door. I roll my eyes and stand to follow.

 **ELsie**

"you know, I can play a little guitar myself," I say in a sing song voice as Ls slender fingers pluck away at the strings, creating a melodic lullaby kind of sound. "Oh yeah? Ok, here..." L replies, smiling. He stands up and picks a guitar of its stand on the wall.

"Lets play something and see if you've got the skills, what can you play?" he hands me the guitar.

"Sweet dreams?" I offer, hoping he knows that one. To my relief, he nods his head and beams at me. "I love that one..."

Sitting back to back, guitars resting in our laps, we begin to play together. Ok, so I lied, im actually really good at guitar. We play in time, and I sing first.

"Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree? I travel the world and the seven seas, every bodies, looking for something," I take a breath and L joins in singing softy, "some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused" we sing together through the rest of the song, put our guitars away, and step out into the warm, orange sun light, and walk to a small meadow behind some trees, where we lie in the grass, heads above each other's shoulders and faces turned towards each other so our noses are touching. I gaze deeply into Lawliet's eyes, his, beautiful glimmering silver orbs, that have seen too much pain and suffering for their young age, gaze back at me lovingly. He reaches his hand up and gentle tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I don't think I can ever love anything more than I love you Elsie." L whispers tenderly. "You are my everything…"I whisper, barely audible, but I know he heard me as he's bringing his lips to mine. We lie there, lips touching for whole minute, before I sit up, and scoot over so that my head is lying on his chest. We both look up at the pinks in the sky. We both know, that we will savour this moment forever…

 **** **l-Two years later**

"Coby, you bloody lightweight, you only had two drinks!" I laugh as Elsie and I carry him from the pub in town, each with one of his arms over a shoulder. Coby giggles like a little Japanese school girl. "Have I ever told you guys how much I love ya?" He slurs. Elsie rolls her eyes.

"Yes, yes you have Coby…" Coby trips, and would have fallen flat on his face if we weren't holding him up with every bit of strength we have.

"Come on dumbass, pull yourself together!" I order sternly, through gritted teeth. He continues to giggle. Elsie and I cast a glance at each

other and simultaneously decide to let go of Coby, who falls in a drunken heap to the floor, still laughing. "You know what? Im just gonna call Watari and get him to pick us up…" I sigh, grabbing my phone out of my back pocket whilst Elsie pulls Coby to his feet and helps him over to a bench. When Watari picks up the phone, I don't

have to say anything. He instantly speaks for me. "Hello L. Is Coby intoxicated again?" he says with a chuckle.

"Yeah, do you think you could pick us up?"

"Of course L." I thank him and put the phone away, dragging myself tiredly over to where Elsie and Coby are sitting. For the umpteenth time I sigh at my odd white haired friend, and sit next to Elsie. I rest my head on her shoulder. Her hand moves up through my hair gently. "I am so tired…" I mumble, closing my eyes.

"That's because you haven't slept in 48 hours L… you've been up every night for weeks now working on those cases.." Elsie grins

sleepily. "I know. Who knew being a world renowned detective would be such hard work…" I reply. Coby is oblivious to our conversation, instead choosing to focus very intently on a random leaf that had somehow become entangled in his long, snowy hair. Me and Elsie watch him intently until Watari pulls up in a black, sleek car, and takes us back to the orphanage. The three of us still live here despite all three of us being 18. Mostly because in recent years, ive gained more attention in detective work, and ive become famous for being "the world's greatest detective."

Watari decided to assign himself as my butler, and he helps me with the really difficult cases. But I also mentor the younger kids here now. Wammys started up a new program recently at my suggestion that we look for someone who could take over my work should anything happen to me.

So the smartest kids are educated separately than the others and trained to be detectives. There are currently 4 candidates. The First being Elsie's brother, Miheal, who moved into the orphanage a year ago. The second, being a boy a little younger than him, with blood red hair and sparkling green eyes that are always hidden behind a pair of peculiar orange goggles, or a video game of some sorts. His names Matt as I understand it. The third possible successor is actually a lot older than the others, being close to my age. His Name is Beyond Birthday. In truth, I've always been creeped out by B. I've known him since I first moved to the orphanage, and he was somewhat of a bully.

He never actually laid a hand on me, but he supported those who did. He has a similar appearance as me, but his black hair is a little flatter, and he's eyes sometimes seem to flash the colour of red He was added to the running for successor because after me, he was one of the most intellectual kids here. The last in the running, is Near. Having arrived just the other day, near instantly showed great potential in detective work, when he and Coby came into my room while I was working on a case, and Near pretty much solved it for me. The only problem presented was Mello. Occasionally, Near lost control and Mello would take over and start scaring the other kids quite a bit, so we keep him with us much of the time... only when he's around Coby does he completely relax.

When we get back to the orphanage, Elsie and I put Coby in his bed, and walk to our room, where the single bed has long ago been replaced with a four poster double bed. The night air is humid, and we're both overheating. Elsie changes into a thin, blue, long night top that just covers the tops of her thighs and I crawl into bed next to her wearing only a pair of tracksuit bottoms. We huddle together and fall asleep easily with my body protectively curled around hers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Coby**

Sun streams in through the curtains, stinging my eyes more than usual when I open them hesitantly. I try to sit up, but immediately flop back onto my cushions, groaning loudly. My head feels like its splitting open. I drank way to much Jack Daniels last night… I hear soft breathing next to me, and I slowly look over to find Near curled up asleep next to me. He must have snuck in again while I was sleeping. I smile a little, despite the crippling pain from my hangover. I place my hand on Nears head and fall back into a semi sleep…

About half an hour later, im woken by a steady tapping as Near sits on the floor, constructing a Plain white puzzle at incredible speeds. It was one of his favourite things to do whilst in confinement. He has a look of concentration that could rival Ls when we play chess or card games. Near notices im awake and gives me a half-hearted smile.

"I came in last night when you were sleeping… I had an odd feeling that I was being watched… it might have been Mello…" he sighs sadly, shaking his head a little. A soft white ringlet falls over his face, and he flicks it away in annoyance. I drag myself out of bed, my headaches subsided somewhat now, and I kneel on the floor next to my brother, looking at him intently, trying to read him. 6 years old, and he has a look about him which screams either "im a dangerous psychopath" or "Please help me…im so very afraid." Never once in his life has near had to be strong, because when things in his life demanded that he be strong, Mello emerged, and did it all for him. Near cannot deal with social situations, and doesn't handle being alone well either. In truth, im still a little scared of him… because I can't read him like I can other people. He hides behind a mask, and that creepy puppet he always carries with him now. Near turns to face me completely.

"Do you hate me Coby?" im taken aback by his sudden question. Why the hell would he think something like that? Have I been distancing myself from him too much?

"What? No Near! Why would you think that? Ever?" Near looks down at the puppet sadly, answering in a quiet voice.

"Mello says you hate me, and you think im a creep. Mello says nasty things all the time… and he says you hate me because you always look scared near me… and he told me to… never mind…" His voice trails off. Im pretty concerned now, if mellos telling him to do things, he'll be sent away again… "No Near. Mellos wrong. I love you. Understand me?" near looks a little sceptical, but visibly relaxes a little. I decide I need to find out what Mellos been saying to him.

"Near. What was it Mello told you to do? It's important." I ask sternly. Near hesitates, but knows I won't stop asking.

"Mello told me that you stay away from me so you can be with Elsie and L. so mello told me I should kill them, so you can be with me more… but I told him no…" Near looks so sad and worried about what my reaction may be. I smile lightly at him, and wrap him gently in a hug. He latches on instantly. He always loved it when I hugged him. It made him feel safe when every other aspect of his life was so horrible.

"Thank you for telling me Near. I won't let you hurt anyone. Don't worry…"Nears body relaxes completely as all the stress that has been building up dissipates. After a few minutes, I pull away and stand up, extending a hand to help near up.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast." And we both leave the room. No sooner than we shut the door, my headache comes back slightly, but I ignore it. Along with the strange feeling that im being watched…

 **ELSIE**

L and I sit in the kitchen at the breakfast counter, eating strawberries and cream, and arm-wrestling. Because why the hell not? Ls muscles have gotten stronger somewhat from what they were 2 years ago, so he often beats me when we do this. But I practiced with Coby the other day and came up with a technique. As L pushes my arm down, I let out a fake squeal of pain, insinuating that hes hurt me. He suddenly weakens his grip on my hand.

"Oh god Elsie are you ok?" he asks urgently, and guiltily. I dig my nails into his hand suddenly and push his arm down to the counter. Then I burst out laughing.

"I can't believe you fell for that!" I say through coughing fits of laughter. L makes a sarcastically annoyed face.

"You're such a cheating bitch Elsie…" he laughs.

"I know, but im the only one around who will put up with all your weird quirks and bad dress sense, unless you want to get with Coby." I reply, leaning over and kissing him.

"Yeah I guess so, I suppose I can put up with you then..." he chuckles when I pull away. We go back to eating strawberry's in silence until the kitchen door is pushed open and we both look up to see who it is. Standing in the doorway is a tall black haired boy with a striking resemblance to L. but he doesn't have the kind eyes like L. his are cold, and sneering. And im pretty sure I see them change to red for a split second. I shrug this off as my imagination.

"Hello Beyond." L says coldly. Beyond lifts his hand briefly and gives a quick wave, before moving into the kitchen and leaning against a worktop casually. Now I remember. This is one of Ls possible successors. The one who keeps scaring the other kids. And he's staring at me. Or rather, something just above my head, with a creepy smile fixed on his face.

"What are you staring at her for?" L demands once he too sees Beyonds strange behaviour. He chuckles quietly to himself.

"No reason L, or at least, you wouldn't believe me if I told you…" and with that, B grabs a jar of jam from the fridge and strolls out of the room, still laughing under his breath.

Later on I see Beyond again, sitting outside watching a boy of about sixteen years old with a sad face. As much as he creeps me out, im determined to find out what's wrong with him, and why he was staring at me earlier. Ls in the shower, so he won't follow me. I approach B with caution. He turns his head towards me briefly before his gaze returns to the boy.

"Hey B, what's up?" I ask casually. He smiles and turns to face me again as I sit down next to him.

"You really wouldn't believe me. There's no point in saying anything…" he insists miserably.

"Try me." I reply. B shrugs a shoulder and stares at the boy. The boy has mousy hair, and is dragging his feet slightly and hanging his head. He looks burned out, and extremely depressed.

"Ok then Elsie. You see that miserable fucker over there?" he nods his head towards the boy.

"That's A. He's literally my only friend and he…" B stops and chokes back tears. Im taken aback by B showing this emotion. It's out of place on him.

"Go on…" I urge.

"Well, he only has a little while left to live…" Seeing the look on my face he continues on quickly.

"I was born with this weird thing. You may have seen my eyes glint red sometimes? It's because I was born with eyes that can see a person's name and lifespan hovering above their heads… A over there will be dead in two days… probably suicide or an accident." He finishes. Searching my eyes for a sign of understanding. Belief or disbelief. I nod my head slowly. Not sure what to make of this. I decide to believe him on the bases that I have seen red in his eyes, and if it's true, we may be able to save A.

"I believe you… So why were you staring at me earlier?" Bs face falls into a sad smile.

"I don't think I can tell you that..."

 **Two days later- A**

I've had enough of this life. No one will ever love me, except for B, and im only dragging him down with me. I find it exhausting to even breathe anymore. My death is the only solution… goodbye world. Goodbye B.

I glance at all the cuts up and down my body that I have just sliced into my skin. I hang the rope over the beam on the ceiling, and slip my head into the pre-tied noose. Tears stream down my face.

"Im so sorry B…" I whisper, and I kick the chair away…

 **Elsie**

The four of us run frantically towards as room. Coby, L, Beyond and I. Although only B and I know exactly what's going on. Coby and L insisted on coming in case B wanted to chop me into little pieces or something. B reaches the door first and bangs his fists against it frantically, shouting.

"A! You idiot unlock the door!" when there's no answer, B panics. Coby, obviously still doesn't know what's going on, but he hastily picklocks the door and it swings open. B runs into the room, and drops to his knees, screaming angrily. No one knows what's going on, but as we enter the room one by one, we know exactly what's wrong.

"Fuck! Someone help me get him down! He's not dead! He can't be!" B cries trying to undo the noose. L sprints forward and pulls out a knife from his pocket, and begins sawing away at the rope. A falls to the floor in a heap. B scrambles forwards and pulls the necklace of rope off over his friend head, and stare above his head in horror.

"No… come back…come back…" He chokes quietly, cradling the lifeless boy. L kneels down beside B, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Im sorry B, we were too late..." he says sadly, and kindly. Showing absolute kindness to this boy, who'd been nothing but terrible to him for the past five years. B looked at L then back to A, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Elsie… could you come here for a moment please and take care of B whilst I go and get Watari?" L sighs.

"Of course…" I move towards them and kneel beside as body as L and Coby run from the room.

"it's all my fault…I should have stopped him…what kind of a friend am i.." B sulks into As shirt. Not knowing how he would react to it, I move next to Beyond, and I pull him into a hug. He freezes at first, then goes weak again and slumps against of me crying, his body shaking with each sob.

"It's not your fault B…he was really miserable…there was nothing you could have done for him." I soothe gently. B looks up at me with red eyes from crying and a devastated look on his face.

"Elsie…the other day when I said I can't tell you why I was staring… you're going to die soon! Your lifespan only has three weeks left…" He blurts out suddenly. I feel the world freeze around me. B knew A was going to die… so what he said about the eyes was true… im going to die...

 **Coby**

I sit on the window seat in my room staring out the window, daydreaming. There's not a lot to do anymore since I finished school last year. Suddenly I hear frantic knocking at my door. When I open it I see a little red-haired boy with strange orange goggles standing there.

"Hello Matt, what's up?" I ask casually. Matt looks a little anxious but answers quickly.

"Near got into a fight with Miheal. I managed to break them up, but he's acting weird..." I follow Matt out of the room quickly and he leads me to a corridor where a circle of children stand watching events unfold. In the circle are the two boys. Miheal sits against one wall with his nose dripping blood and a badly bruised jaw, whilst Near sits against the other, glaring at him, with a red line of blood running from his mouth, and his nose. He also has a deep gash above his eyebrow. He's muttering under his breath, his voice switching between his own and Mellos. I See Elsie appear at the other end of the corridor led by a small girl.

"What the hell Miheal! What happened?" Elsie cries, running towards her brother and kneeling down beside him.

"He started it!" Miheal shouts indignantly, nodding his head towards Near, who is now rocking backwards and forwards, muttering threats in his low, angry voice. I shift anxiously towards him.

"Near, snap out of it!" I whisper only loud enough for him to hear. He looks up at me, and then at Miheal with a bewildered face.

"Did I do that?" he says worriedly.

"Yes, you don't remember?" Elsie replies softly, obvious concern on her face.

"No…No...I… am I bleeding?!" he asks suddenly, raising a little white hand to his eyebrow and pulling away with a blood on his finger.

"Yes... come on, let clean you up." I lift Near up and carry him to the bathroom, sitting him on the edge of the bath and using a damp flannel to dap the blood off his face.

"What the hell happened Near? Why would Mello do something like this unprovoked?" Near doesn't answer. He sits in silence trying to think of an answer.

"Near? What did Miheal do?" I push the question, knowing that even Mello was unlikely to do something like this without being provoked somehow. Mello answers instead of Near, but he's calm, no longer angry, and perfectly willing to let me clean the blood from his face as he speaks.

"He insulted us, and called us a sheep- because of our white hair. Then he shoved us and said that we would never have any friends because were too weird…and I got angry… He can't talk! He looks like a girl and eats nothing but chocolate…And he said that our parents should have killed us when we were born…so I hit him, and we started fighting." I nod my head slowly whilst he speaks and I wait until he's finished to give my view on the matter.

"Mello. Near needs to start learning to deal with his own problems and you need to stop using violence to deal with them if you won't let him do it himself? They'll send you back to that dark, cold cell, in a strait jacket, and you'll never see the light of day again. Is that what you want?" he shakes his head solemnly and makes eye contacts with me.

"I know, but I can't help but be violent, and Near's too weak to deal with anything..." I consider this and respond quietly.

"Look Mello. Promise that you will only step in to help near and use violence if the situation means that Near or someone else might be hurt or killed should you not take any action. Anything minor is to be left to me and Near to resolve. Ok?" Mello nods his head again.

"Yeah, Ok…" And I see Mello fall away, and my brother returns.

"What happened?" He asks in a dazed voice.

"Mello attacked Miheal, but we've come up with an agreement of sorts. It shouldn't happen again." I say calmly, wringing the flannel over the sink and washing the blood from my hands. Near sighs and raises his hand up again to touch the cut in his brow.

"No, don't touch it, you'll make it worse." I stop him, placing a plaster over the small wound.


	7. Chapter 7

**Elsie**

"It's not his fault Mello, and by the sounds of it, you deserved it. Why the hell would you say those things to anyone! It was really cruel of you! Seriously Miheal did the all the anger management and counselling not teach you anything!" I find myself shouting at him as he rolls his eyes and scowls at the floor.

"Obviously not Elsie, well done, for pointing out the obvious." He snaps back. Im tempted to punch him, but I restrain myself. With everything else on my mind at the moment, like the possibility of my death, I don't really want to have to deal with my brother's pathetic behaviour.

"Im really not in the mood for you right now little brother, and if you carry on being a complete and utter twat, I will be forced to lock you in the basement without chocolate for a couple of days. How's that sound?" I retort, sneering at him. By the look on his face, I've won.

"OK! OK! Im sorry!" his words tumble over each other in worry. I laugh.

"Good, now run along small child, you are free…" I extend my arm in a dramatic gesture, and the blonde head disappears around a corner. I make my way back to L and my room and find L sitting on the bed on his computer, face deep in thought. But he looks up and relaxes when he hears the door opening.

"What was that all about?" he asks, shutting down the laptop and turning to face me as I sit cross legged next to him.

"Near and Miheal had a fight, but they're both ok. My dumbass of a brother said some pretty horrible things to him and he flipped out it would seem." I sigh inwardly, having other things on my mind. L picks up on this.

"What else I bothering you?" His eyes are widened slightly with concern, making him look unbelievably cute. Suddenly, the things in my mind are narrowed down to two, and the fight is not one of them. Deciding to cast the thought of my imminent death aside, I inch closer to L. Besides, what B said probably isn't true anyway. A's death could have been a coincidence.

"Nothing's bothering me L, it's just we've been together for three years now, and we're both 18, and there's not a lot to do…" I start, still moving closer. I think L knows what im getting at, judging by the little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Oh?" He smiles, taking my face gently in his hands, "I have an idea…" he kisses me, and pulls me close to him while the warm orange sunlight of the evening streams in through the window….

 **L**

Elsie and I had been up really late (Not that either of us are complaining) but it means that we both find it difficult to drag ourselves out of bed in the morning. When we finally get out of the room, we are met by Coby walking towards us. I glance at Elsie, and she looks at me, as we both take in how tired and untidy we both look. Elsie's wearing one of my white shirts and some shorts because for some reason, we can't find any of her clothes, and my hair is messier than usual. Normally I would make some attempt to flatten it out a bit, but I just don't have enough energy to try. Coby, raises an eyebrow at us and begins laughing.

"What's so funny?" I ask nervously.

"Come on L… It doesn't take a genius to work out… although, I am a genius sooo…"

"Yes, ok Coby, keep it down will you?" Elsie sighs rolling her eyes.

"Okayyy…" Coby replies, failing despite his best efforts to conceal his amusement. Elsie begins to walk down the hallway towards the kitchen, and Coby and I follow her. Coby wiggles his eyebrows at me suggestively. I grin and elbow him in the ribs.

He stumbles slightly and starts giggling again. He is so damn immature. Elsie talks over her shoulder.

"Shut up Coby,"

"Yes Elsie, sorry Elsie..." he stops laughing suddenly, but continues smiling. When we get to the kitchen we make tea and sit at the counter, waiting for someone to break the slightly awkward silence.

"May I talk again now?" Coby pleads. "OH fine." Elsie chuckles calmly… but something seems to be on her mind again. Though now's not the time to address it. Still, I notice and worry.

I don't have to address it though. Elsie brings it up for me.

"It's A's funeral today…" she sighs looking at me solemnly. Oh. Id actually forgotten.

"When does it start?" Coby asks.

"In a couple of hours. Everyone in the orphanage are going. We better get ready." Elsie yawns, finishing her tea and pushing back her chair. Me and Coby do the same.

"Is B going? He hasn't left his room since we found A." I ask.

"I think Watari is making him go. He doesn't trust him here on his own in case he tries to join A." With that we all drag ourselves off to our rooms to get changed.

 **B**

I look at myself in the long mirror and take in my dreadful appearance. The only other time I've worn a suit was at my father's funeral, and considering the circumstances of his death, I didn't think I should have attended. But no one else but me knows I killed my father, well A knew, but he's not going to tell anyone where he's gone. The uncomfortable black suit makes me shiver at the bad memories and I try to push them aside for A's sake. I can see my name above my head in sinister red lettering to match the current shimmer in my eyes, but I try to ignore it the best I can.

Dark circles underline my eyes, and at this moment, the only aspect of me different to L is that my black hair is naturally flatter.

Why did I ever join in with all that bullying? Why did I never care when I knew someone was hurt or possibly dead. I know why, but psychopaths never want to admit that their psychopaths.

I have no idea how Im going to make it through this funeral. Im just so tired. I sigh and leave the room for the first time in a week and I make my way downstairs. Watari is waiting for me in the kitchen, everyone else having already left, but he told me I could travel alone if I wanted to. He gives me a light smile which I try to return, but I fail miserably. Watari doesn't say anything.

When we get to the funeral I stay silent through the majority of the service, holding back violent sobs, until it's my turn to give a eulogy. Shakily, I stand and make my way over to the stand next to the beautiful mahogany coffin. Piled neatly on top of the coffin are many white roses and a photo of A as a young child. His face looks so bright and radiant. At peace. Unlike how he died, crying, distraught and alone. For the hundredth time today I force the thoughts to the back of my mind, and I begin to recite the eulogy that I've learned off by heart. I feel empty.

When I finish reading, I drag myself back over to my seat and I pull my knees up to my chest, resting my forehead on them. I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. I look to see the small white haired boy sitting next to me and looking at my sympathetically.

"Are you ok?" he asks shyly. Normally I might be irritable at the sudden physical contact, but I can't bring myself to be angry with him.

"Yeah kid im fine, thanks." I reply weakly. The kid nods and turns back to face the front. When the funeral is over and the coffin has been lowered into the ground, I stay behind and curl into a ball beside the headstone, letting the tears fall onto the freshly covered ground.

After about 10 minutes I hear footsteps behind me and I turn to see Elsie standing behind me with L.

"Are you ok B" L asks kneeling down beside me.

"Obviously Not." I answer honestly, with a slightly bitter tone. If he notices it he doesn't say anything. He analyses me with kind, sad eyes.

"Come on its going to rain soon, we have to get back home..." he sighs, standing and offering me a hand. He helps me up and we walk back towards the car. As soon as we make it home I retreat to my room. I sit in silence, letting more tears fall. Then I hear something.

 ** _Hey B, guess what?_**

I look around me in alarm, trying to find the source of the voice.

 ** _Remember how you killed your father? How you told A to kill himself in a fit of rage? What about how you convinced Randy and his friends to bully L, then nearly beat him to death, just because you were bored. And what about your sister B? Your young, innocent sister who you buried alive as a joke. You do such horrible things B. Do you want to know why?_**

"No! Leave me alone! You're not real, you're not real!" I cry fearfully.

 ** _No B. Im not, but your insanity is. I know your darkest thoughts. It's fun to kill B, you know it._**

The sinister voice reduced to a whisper.

 ** _Let's do it again B._**

 **Elsie**

L and I sit together in the quiet of our bedroom, the only sound being the steady tapping of L typing on the Laptop. Once again I think of what B said to be when we found A dead. I only have a little while left to live. But it's impossible for him to know that. The only possible way anyone could know when someone was going to die is if they were a Shinigami, but such creatures don't exist. Im snapped back into reality by Ls concerned voice.

"What's wrong Elsie? You've been staring off into space for the last two minutes, you've been doing it a lot lately." I open my mouth to speak, but I stop myself.

"You won't believe me L, or you'll get the wrong idea." I reply with an element of guilt in my voice for thinking this of L.

"I will believe anything you say Elsie, and if I get the wrong idea, you can correct me. Please tell me what's wrong." L has closed the laptop, and I have his full attention. I sigh heavily.

"I…" I begin to answer, but im cut off by a loud scream coming from downstairs. Both of us jump onto our feet.

"That's Matt isn't it?" I ask worriedly as we run from the room and down the stairs, following the sound of the screams. I see a trail of blood leading to the basement steps. We sprint down the steps, l going first. He stops abruptly as we get to the door of the dark room, that's standing open a crack.

"No…" he commands. "You stay here." I nod my head slowly.

"Ok..."

L enters the dingy room and closes the door behind him.

 **L**

"Matt! Matt where are you!" I shout out. The basement is large, piled high with clutter. Matt is no longer screaming, but I find him because of his heavy breathing and sobbing. He is sitting next to something on the floor. Near is sitting with him. Near looks up when he sees me and his face changes abruptly to extreme fear.

"It wasn't me L! I swear! We found him like this… Can you help him?" he cries shakily. Confused I inch forward to take a closer look at the object that matt is clutching. Suddenly, I smell a strong stench of iron. Blood. And realise that the object Matt is clutching is actually a body. Blood is running from its mutilated legs and what looks like a knife wound in its side. Crimson blood drips from the ends of its Blonde/ginger hair. My blood runs cold as I run forward.

Miheal.

Matt won't let go of Miheal, so Near gently ply's his arms off and surprisingly, Matt goes limp and leans against Near, who supports him. I put my ear to Miheals chest, desperate to hear a heartbeat. There's one there, but it's very faint, and in despair, I know that it will go silent soon. It's too late. Miheal slowly opens his eyes and gasps softly, struggling for breath.

"Who did this Miheal?" I ask quickly, knowing time is running out.

Miheal makes his best attempt to talk. But he can't manage it.

"Never mind, don't try to talk… Relax..." I hold back tears than realise something. Elsie.

"Near, Elsie's outside the door, get her quickly." I choke mournfully. Near runs and returns with Elsie, whose face turns a sickly pale as she sees her brother. She runs over and moves Miheals head to rest on her lap.

"Miheal! What happened? You'll be ok, you'll be fine…" she cries. Miheal looks up at her sadly with his azure eyes gleaming with tears.

"I…love…you…Elsie..." He coughs.

"I love you too." Elsie sobs. And with that, Miheals body goes limp, his eyes still open as a single tear runs down his face. Elsie starts to hyperventilate and cry into Miheals shoulder. I move over and take her in my arms. She goes weak in my arms. Near and Matt both move over and hug her too, Matt crying just as much as Elsie, and Near looking shocked and fearful. But I say nothing, for I cannot find the words. I hear footsteps and turn my head to see Watari walking towards us with Coby. They must have seen the blood stains. Their faces are horrified as they observe the scene.

Both of them stay silent, but simultaneously look towards Near who is still staring at the body in shock. I know what they're thinking.

Within the hour police and ambulance have arrived and they take away the body. We all have to give statements, but neither Elsie or Matt had the right mentality to do it. The rest of us tell what happened from our points of view. I wait outside the room while Near does his.

When he walks out I walk him to my room where Elsie is sitting with Coby, still crying. Coby looks at Near in what I sense is fear, and dread.

"Near, we need to speak with Mello." I state calmly, observing Nears face. He says nothing but nods his head, and closes his eyes. When he opens them Mello is there.

"Did you kill Miheal?" Coby asks, surprisingly to me, with anger. Mello widens his eyes in surprise.

"No. Miheal wasn't the best of people, but I wouldn't kill him. Im surprised you haven't considered others yet. Maybe the ones that aren't your brother Coby." He almost growls, staring daggers at Coby.

"Who else would do something like this?" Elsie sulks quietly. Mello looks at her. His eyes soften.

"How about Beyond. Am I the only one who's realised how crazy that guy is? I was bored once so I snuck into Rogers's office and read some files. B killed his father. Stabbed him multiple times. He buried his sister alive when she was four years old, killing her too. And he wasn't arrested for it because Watari saved him, thinking that he could change. Maybe he was wrong." Mello shrugs, and begins to twirl a lock of hair around his finger. Elsie looks at him sceptically. And goes to say something. Coby beats her to it.

"You killed our father, I mean sure he deserved it, but you're just as capable of something like this, and you were there." Mello, or perhaps it's a glimmer of Near shining through, is hurt by that statement. He takes in a deep breath and Near rises to the surface. Definitely Near. He's on the verge of tears.

"How could you say that to your own brother…?" He cries quietly, a couple of tears falling from his eyes. Elsie gives Coby an angry look and slides off the bed, walking towards Near and kneeling beside him, gently wiping away his tears, and bringing his eyes to hers. She just looked at him for a moment, analysing him. Before taking him in her arms in a hug. Near reciprocates and flashes a sad and insulted expression at Coby.

"Near didn't kill my brother." Elsie concluded, picking Near up in a motherly way and walking out of the room, leaving Coby and I slightly shell-shocked at how calm she had remained. Coby slumped against the wall, muttering angrily under his breath before punching the wall, and falling to the ground. Knees up to his chest. I've never seen Coby like this. He was always the happiest out of all of us, or at least externally. His head is in his hands. I inch slowly towards my friend, worried that he might throw something at me.

"Are you ok?" I ask hesitantly.

"No. Now my brother hates me." He scoffs back, hitting his head against the wall.

"You did accuse him of murder, that gets to people, trust me, I know." Coby looks up at me sadly, and regret fills his every word.

"That night, when Mello killed our father, there was no emotion. He didn't feel anything as he gunned a man down. I can't help but think he could have done this."

"I know, but I think we should talk to B. Mello had a point. And whoever killed Miheal was sloppy. I've already got enough evidence." I reply coldly.

"Ok, let's go find your evil twin…"


	8. Chapter 8

**B- 1 day previously**

What's wrong with me? Why are these voices back? Why am I listening to them? I drag myself out of my room and find myself moving towards the kitchen, with a rag hidden behind me, covered in Chloroform. One of my fellow successors are in the kitchen. I could wipe out my competition. **Go on B, you know you want to.** I slip quietly into the kitchen but I accidently nudge the door. The child turns around quickly, but I've hidden behind the breakfast bar. His wild blue eyes are darting around in worry. Heavy breathing, but not for long. Miheal turns his back. I move quickly over to him and hold the rag over his mouth, trying to knock him out but he bites my arm and falls to the floor, trying to get away. But he doesn't look to see who his attacker is. In panic, I grab a knife off the worktop and I throw it. I used to practice knife throwing on small animals when I was younger, and I never missed my target. He turns as it comes towards him and is jammed into his side. He screams in pain. I take the rag and hold it to his nose and mouth again, but this time he falls unconscious. No one is likely to come down anytime soon, but I look around wildly for somewhere to go now. I hadn't thought about this. I run over to the door to the basement stairs, and throw it open before dragging Miheal down them. I hid behind a mound of clutter, and began slicing up the boys legs. I guess my crazy nature has finally come back. Oops. I also slice a line over the boy's forehead, letting blood run into his hair and down his frail, innocent face.

As I stand back to observe my work, I hear footsteps running towards me. I look down at myself and realise how much blood is on me. And the dripping knife. There's no way I could convince anyone id just found him. I run behind a huge, abandoned painting to hide as a two figures appear by Miheals side. One is Near, who looks shell-shocked by the scene he's came across, and the other is a little redheaded boy. I remember now that this boy Matt, is A's younger brother. I can't kill him too. Matt drops the portable game he was holding and falls to the floor. His green eyes wide and his hands quickly taking the sides of Miheals bleeding head. I forgot they were best friends. Near just stands there staring in horror, eyes welling up slightly. Then Matt began screaming. I took that as my que to leave. Moving In a path where matt wouldn't see me I dart back up the stairs and to the bathroom to wash off all the blood. I walk out of the bathroom door to see Elsie and L disappearing quickly down the corridor, towards Matt, who I can still here screaming. I hear the voice in my head again. **Well that was terribly fun…** At that moment, out of a window, I see a strange, grey haired figure, looking at the house through some trees…

 **ELSIE**

I don't know what to do anymore. Everything happened so fast, and now my only remaining family member is buried six feet under. When Coby started accusing Near of the murder, I wanted to punch him. I sit with Near in his room doing a puzzle with him to calm him down. It should be Coby doing this. We both hear a knock on the door. Our heads snap around to see who it is as the door swings open. Both Coby and L are standing at the door, but after a second glance we realise that B is also with them, shifting around uncomfortably on his feet, but that may be because Coby is holding the back of his shirt collar to stop him leaving.

"I thought the two of you should hear what we want to say to him." Explained L, in what sounds like an angry snarl. Near gently grabs onto my arm as the three come into the room, because B scares him. Coby pushes B into the room and closes the door behind him, leaning on it with his arms crossed. L stares B dead in the eye.

"You killed Miheal Keehl. Am I right?" L says, his usual monotone is gone, and in its place is a definite hint of anger, like he's trying to stop himself from killing B right there. B sneers a little as he responds.

"What are you talking about L? What proof do you have of that?"

L shrugs, walking over to the armchair in the corner of the room. Everyone's attention is on the young detective now, eager to see him at work.

"For a start B, Miheal Keehl was a successor of mine. Killing him means less competition for you. But you couldn't kill Matt when he came down to the basement because he is your deceased friend's brother. Even if you'd wanted to kill him, Near was with him." L pauses to take a bite of a panda biscuit that seemingly appeared from nowhere.

"Everyone in the orphanage knows about Nears split personality because of his fight with Miheal in the corridor, so you knew that attacking Matt or Near then would have resulted in your injury. But that's only part of it." Everyone is impressed, but my attention is stronger than everyone else's. Listening to my boyfriend solving the murder of my brother is kind of like a detective manga.

"I have deduced that you walked into the kitchen and attacked him there, using a cloth with Chloroform to knock him out, but it didn't work so you stabbed him, and dragged him to the basement. You failed to realise the slight blood stains you left of the floor though. You started slicing up the body, but im not sure why to be honest. But then you heard Matt and Near and hid behind the painting until you found a good chance to escape. You washed off the blood in the bathroom, but left blood on the sink, which I had DNA tested. So I know it was Miheals. I must point out that Near was in fact, with Matt prior the incident, doing schoolwork. And there are security cameras in the library that prove they were there. What do you have to say in defence, Beyond?" Everyone turns to look at B, whose eyes are wide with surprise, and despair. But it quickly fades away and is replaced with menace.

"I guess you really are as good as people say…" He laughs, and he looks at Coby suddenly. His eyes flash red, and he cocks his head to the side, laughing again. Near and I promptly move over towards L, as far away from B as we can. Coby cannot move though. B's eyes fixate him on the spot as he observes the red.

 **Coby**

Beyond stares me down. His eyes not so much flashing red anymore. It's a solid colour. His face moves into a sinister smile.

"You know Coby, you shouldn't try to block my escape. After all, there could be…consequences." He sneers, gesturing to the door with a nod of his head. I just cross my arms over my chest and return the stare.

"Come off it B, you've just admitted to murder. There's nothing you can do now." B looks vaguely irritated at my response, and takes a step closer, tilting his head to the side again as his eyes travel to a spot above my head.

"Would you look at that Coby? In the last 5 minutes your lifespan has decreased dramatically. But then, that would happen when you irritate a murderer." L and Elsie are quickly on their feet, but I don't know what he's on about.

"What do you mean my lifespan has decreased?" I ask, panic rising in my throat. B convulsed with laughter, before moving towards me, leaving my back against the wall. He put his sneering mouth by my ear, leaving his black hair brushing against my neck.

He whispered, "I meant this."

Before I can do anything, his hand moves quickly. Elsie screams, Near gasps in fear, and L shouts my name, running forward, grabbing B and pulling the knife dripping in my blood out of his hand, and plunging it into his arm. I fall to my knees. Clutching my side. L lets go of B, screaming after him, "I'll KILL YOU B! ILL KILL YOU!"

B promptly runs and springs through the doorway, grasping his bleeding arm. L dashes towards me and catches me as I slump over, leaning against his shoulder, he lies me down and clutches me. Blood cascades down my side. Tears brim in my eyes. Near crawls over and grabs my hand, crying.

"Coby…!" He chokes. L doesn't know what to do.

"Near…its fine…calm…down..." I cry, squeezing his hand weakly.

"Ok, Ok, im calm..." Near breathes out heavily, trying to stay calm so that Mello doesn't respond.

"Near, listen to me, if I die, I want you to let L take care of you, don't let Mello out…promise me…" I splutter and gasp, squeezing my eyes together like a vice. I feel Near put his head onto my chest and wrap his arms round me.

"I. Promise…Coby..." He weeps.

"Im so sorry I accused you Near, I love you. Goodbye..." I wheeze.

"I love you too… but Coby..." he bleats, but I cut him off.

"No buts…Elsie, I think this is goodbye… Take Near out and call the police quickly…B…is getting away..." Elsie is crying. She comes over and kisses me on the head whispering a choked goodbye, before half dragging Near away whilst he screams. When they're gone L yells watari's name as loud as he can muster.

In a few minutes, Watari appears, in the doorway. My lung has been punctured. I can feel myself slowly drowning. I struggle for breath, coughing and crying as I die in my best friend's arms.

"You have to be okay…You have to…" L chokes, shaking me slightly as he starts to tremble.

"No I…won't…Lawliet… You always were a bad liar…"I grin half-heartedly. He returns it with a short, teary laugh.

"L…Please…look after Near…and…" I have to take a painful breath. But L waits patiently.

"Just…remember…that…although I never said it because everyone would have thought Im gay… I love you…Ok? Just like a brother." I half cry, half gasp.

L nods. "I love you too Coby, as a brother. I will look after Near as one too." He rests his head onto my soft, white hair.

"Hey L…I eavesdropped on you and Elsie singing once…I have one last request for you…" I whisper, so that it's barely audible.

"Anything…" L replies quickly, leaning down to listen to my request.

"Of course we will..." L croaks. "Just close your eyes," L stops and pauses, listening. I finish his sentence for him.

"And listen to the bells…" I close my eyes and hear the bells ringing their sweet, musical chimes that go in time to my slowing heartbeat.

As my heart stops, I see my sister, Anna, standing in front of me, hand outstretched.

"Come with me little Brother." She coaxes softly with her beautiful voice I have missed so much. I take her hand, and go with her peacefully to the other side of the veil…

 **L**

I don't know how much time passes as I kneel there, still clinging onto Coby. My cheek resting against his head. I start to breathe heavily as I start to have a panic attack. Watari hurry's over and kneels beside me.

"Ok L, it's going to be ok. Deep, slow breaths." He soothes in a very gentle voice, like he did when he found me sitting beneath that tree when my parents died. I try to do what he says but my mind isn't working as it usually does. I look down at Coby's peaceful face and realise he is smiling slightly. He died peacefully. I calm down a little after about five minutes of trembling, choking, numbness and chest pains.

"L, what happened?" Watari asks quietly, placing a hand on my shoulder, and glancing down at Coby, grimacing as he spoke. I cast my eyes down to the blood seeping through his plain white shirt, and feel myself about to break down again, but I resist the urge to cry again.

"Beyond killed him…" I seethe through my teeth. "He also killed Miheal." Watari looks at me sadly.

"Im so sorry L. I know it's a ridiculous question, but will you be okay?" Watari asks apprehensively. I look into his eyes and loosen my grip on Coby a little as I feel myself go weak.

"I don't know." I answer honestly. "Watari, I'd like to be the one to tell Near and the others. Please don't say anything, and call off the ambulance. There's nothing they can do for him now." He nods his head at my request, and pulls me sideways into an embrace. When he lets go, I carefully shift Coby so that he is lying on the floor and I push myself to a standing position. I take a cushion and place it under his head, and I pull a blanket up over him, placing his hands across his chest, to hide the blood and give the impression that he is sleeping. It might help Near come to terms with it.

Using the back of my hand to wash away the tears on Coby's face, and my own, I walk out of the room to find Near and Elsie.


	9. Chapter 9

**Near**

I sit frantically twisting my white hair around my fingers, and muttering to myself whilst Elsie looks on, crying and worrying. I can feel Mello nagging at me to let him go. I glance over at the puppet, sitting in the corner of Coby's room where I left it. I take in the unmade bed, one of my brother's plain white shirts on the floor and the blood on my face from leaning against Coby's chest. I hear Mello talking to me relatively softly. I decide to acknowledge him.

I crawl over to the puppet and pick it up. Mello like to communicate through it.

"What is it Mello?" I ask solemnly, already knowing what he wants to say.

"Near, I think you should prepare for the very likely event that Coby is dead. When you put your ear to his chest, I could hear something odd with his lungs, one was punctured." I shake my head, and Mello sighs internally.

"Any minute L will come through that door, and will probably have a breakdown. If Coby does die, it's his fault for not dealing with B on his own." Right on cue, the door opens to a very teary, blood stained L, mournfully walking towards Elsie and hugging her tightly, whispering something in her ear. She starts snivelling and returns Ls embrace. L looks over at me, and walks towards me.

"Coby is with Anna now…" he chokes, Kneeling beside me. I don't agree with what Mello says. L wasn't the one to plunge a knife into Coby's lung. I wrap my arms around Ls waist and hug him tightly. He smells like Coby. L strokes my hair gently, like Coby would do when I was younger. I cry so hard, that I feel like my lung has been pierced. When after a long time I get a grip of myself again, L stands up, and washes away my tears.

"Do you want to see him?" he asks cautiously. I nod, and he leads me back to my room where my brother is sleeping peacefully on the floor…

As we watch Coby being removed from the house, Elsie sits staring at the woods just to the side of the large throng of police officers about to start searching for Beyond. But we all know he's already gone. I cling to L, keeping my arms firmly around his waist, as he gently smooths my hair. I look up to see his charcoal eyes fixed onto the moving stretcher. As it's put up into the heavy duty vehicle and the doors are shut. L gazes towards Elsie. I let go of him and he looks down to me.

"Go on L…speak to her… I'll be okay." He looks unsure to leave me, but im already moving back up towards the house.

"im fine, I just want to go speak to someone." I reassure, turning and stepping back inside. As soon as the door is shut, I collapse to the floor, in a sobbing heap. I shuffle over so my backs against a wall rather than a door, and I bang my head against it in frustration. My chest feels constricted as I try to breathe. I panic suddenly. For a couple of minutes im alone. Until a small, sad and concerned figure runs down the stairs towards me and kneels in front of me, snapping the orange tinted glasses off from over his eyes so they are pushing his crimson hair off his face. He shifts over so he is sitting next to me and puts an arm around my shoulder comfortingly.

"I know Near, I know…" He soothes as I sob about Coby in unintelligible words. At first im puzzled by his compassion. But then I remember that A was Matt's brother. And he killed himself. Then Miheal was his best friend, they were closer than most friends, like L and Coby, but B killed him.

After a while, Matt stood up, and offered me his hand.

"Come on kid, let's go somewhere and talk okay?" I nod a little as he helps me up.

We sit in the library, across from each other in two armchairs, as Matt talks to me.

"Why do you even care?" I ask a little bitterly, Mello getting irritable again. I regret speaking and I push Mello back. Matt's field green eyes glistened with sadness and sympathy.

"When A died, I felt a little empty. Probably the shock of it over anything else. But I never spoke to anyone about it. Then Mel's died and…"Matt pauses a bit to stifle the shaking developing in his voice as he spoke.

"Mel's died, and everything kinda hit me all at once. The misery I felt from my brother's death that I held back with doors in my head melded with this new sadness, and all the doors in my head flung open. Basically, I don't want anyone to feel the way I felt. And still do feel." He gave me a weak smile, which I forced myself to return.

"Besides sheep boy, we're the only successors left. We gotta look out for each other." He chuckled, nudging my knee light-heartedly.

 **ELSIE**

I stare at the woods with a grim expression frozen on my face as I remember what nearly happened there three years ago. What L and Coby prevented. It's like Mellos death, my sisters, my mother and father all over again. But amplified to the max. I loved Coby every bit as much as L. Like a brother, as L did. I still do. L shuffles over next to me and puts a hand tentatively on my shoulder. I instantly start crying. L pulls me carefully towards him. I bury my face into his shirt and wrap my arms around him. He smooths my hair and starts crying with me. He whispers in my ear,

"Elsie, Coby asked that we do something for him…" I nod my head.

"What was it?" I sulk quietly. L sighs a little, his voice quavering.

"He wants us to sing at his funeral...that sad song we wrote." I look into his eyes.

"Then we'll do it."

 **L-3 days later**

The atmosphere around the orphanage has been tense and uncomfortable for past few days, since Beyond took off. The police tracked him as far as the orphanage gates then lost him. Police have been stationed close by in case he comes back to try and hurt the remaining successors, Near and Matt. But like I would let him get even _close_ to them.

I would kill him on sight with my bare hands.

Elsie, Near, Watari, Matt and I sit in the black car on the way to the funeral, in silence. Near is snuggled between Elsie and me with his head in my lap. Elsie has her head on my shoulder, and Matt is sitting in the front next to Watari. I catch myself letting selfish thoughts cross my mind. Such as how if Elsie and Near weren't going to be affected, I would have already have swallowed a large handful of pills. I shove the dark thought aside as we pull out at the church.

We take our seats at the front and wait for our turns to go up and give a eulogy. Near goes first. He steps shyly up to stand next to the coffin, and I see him visibly shiver.

"Coby was the only family I had left. And he was the only one I ever felt safe with. He was the kind of brother who knew exactly what to do when I was sad, or angry. He handled me better than any nurse, doctor or other "professionals" who tried to help me. I wish he was still here so I could thank him for everything he's done for me. All the times he took abuse from our father so I wouldn't have to. But at the end of the day, this world is a damaged, and I don't believe in a heaven or hell. But wherever Coby is, it's not in that coffin. He's with our sister Anna. And our mother. And if he can hear me now, I just want to say. I love you Coby…And thank you…" Near takes a quiet, but deep breath in as tears stream down his face, and he walks back over to us to sit down. Watari whispers a comforting "Well done Near." As he sits beside him, and watches as Elsie goes up to the front.

"Well it's slightly embarrassing that im not going to be able to do this as well as Near. I've been owned by a six year old." She chuckles a little, as do most of the audience.

"Coby Rivers was like a brother to me. The very first time he met me, he kind of just stared at me for a while, mumbling incoherently like a rabid baboon." Another laugh from the audience.

"Turns out he was trying to say hi. He became friends with L and me fairly quickly because he saved life. He helped L to stop a boy who stalked me into the woods with a concealed knife. And that's a debt I'll never be able to repay." Elsie choked up a little, but composed herself again. "Coby was one of the first real friends I've ever had. And I honestly believe the world is a little darker without him here. Without his laugh, his smile, his sense of humour that managed to light up an awkward situation or make the saddest moments seem small and unimportant. The way he would talk on and on about how much he loved us when we forgot to watch him at the bar and he got so hammered, that we'd have to drag him to a bench and wait with him, watching him stare at a leaf until Watari picked us up." Gentle laughter again from the audience, even Near had a faint smile on his face. "I love you Coby, and I know you're in a better place now, but I wish the earth could have become a better place so you could of stayed…im sure we'll see each other again one day, be it in heaven, hell, or in some other ghostly void, and you can introduce me to your sister. So im not even saying goodbye." She smiled at the photo of Coby on top of the coffin and she stepped down and came towards us with a content face. My turn has come. I shakily stand and walk towards the coffin, standing at the podium and taking a hitched breath.

"I never had any brothers or sisters. And in the last months of my parent's lives, I despised my father and never saw my mother. I felt so alone. Until I met Coby and Elsie. Coby was the brother I never had, and he was better than my parents because he would let me have all the candy I wanted." The members of the audience who knew me well laughed at this.

"Coby was the only person I ever told about the events leading to my parents deaths, so to an extent, he helped me open up about things that consumed me day after day. He was an intelligent, funny, and beautiful human being, a loving brother, friend and third wheel. But he was still punished by the world. I could never thank him enough for just being there for me and Elsie whenever we needed him, and even when he would turn up uninvited to lighten the mood in a miserable situation. I expect that if ghosts are real, Coby's won't so much haunt our dreams, but grace them with his presents. So I too, will see you again brother, and I swear I will find Beyond, and see to it that he doesn't hurt anyone else we care about." I glance down at Near, Elsie and Matt and smile.

"I hate to be so cheesy, and I know you'd roll your eyes violently at this and punch me in the arm, but you will forever live on in my heart, until the day it gives out. Do you hear the bells Coby? They ring so loudly in my head as they always do when im in pain. Because I am in pain, I mean, I can almost feel your woundingly sarcastic remarks and punches as I speak. I'll see you again, Coby Rivers."

A short while later Elsie and I walk up together, guitars in hand.

"Coby's last wish was that we sing this at his funeral, so we'll oblige, but if you want to plug up your ears, we won't be offended." Elsie joked. The small audience chuckled. When the area was silent, I began playing the melodic, though slightly eerie introduction. Then we began to sing.

" _Close your eyes, Know you haven't slept in quite some time, Rest your head, Forget all that's happened._

 _All those you've lost, all that are dead,_

 _No more, no more pain will come now boy."_ We take a breath and start the chorus.

 _"_ _You're so lost, why keep doing this, all again, tilting your face to the sky, rain running down again, the years gone by, you can't forget them if you try, I know your friends are gone, and it's the end, just close your eyes."_ We start to play the guitars in a strumming pattern now rather than a plucking one as we start on the second verse.

 _"_ _The days go by, it's rare to see you smile, your dead inside, and your_

 _closed off from the world. When the sun does shine you hide away_

 _and cry away your life. No more no more pain will come now Boy._

 _You're so lost, why keep doing this, all again, tilting your face to the_

 _sky, rain running down again, the years gone by, you can't forget_

 _them if you try, I know your friends are gone, and it's the end, just_

 _close your eyes."_ As the last verse comes, I notice we are both crying,

but we manage to keep our voices steady.

 _"_ _You're not scared to die, cuz you hope that death is kind. It'll take_

 _you away, from the night and day, away from the pain. No more no_

 _more pain will come now boy"_ We only just manage to make it

through the last chorus. We sit back down and quietly wait until the

service is over. As we travel home silently, we are all content that

Coby, wherever he is, is better off and happy.

 _ **(authors note: the song L and Elsie sing is an original song I wrote. If you want to hear it, follow this link to my YouTube- the song is called years. watch?v=64f9_98l3VQ )**_


	10. Chapter 10

**ELSIE**

Three weeks. That's how long B said I had left to live, but that was over a month ago. The threat of my impending death doesn't scare me now. Clearly B was wrong, and insane. He proved that. I sit, huddled on the bed next to L. Laying asleep across his lap his Near. L has one hand rested on Nears head. He holds me close to him with the other. Mello has been more irritable recently, continuously trying to take control of Near. L, being concerned by this, rarely lets Near out of his sight for too long, and whenever he does have to do something, he leaves Near with Watari or Matt.

"Whenever I look at him, I see Coby, and it feels like he's dying all over again…" L whispers in a barely audible, exhausted voice. To anyone who does not know L well, they wouldn't know how badly he's been affected. But he sleeps so rarely that he often collapses with exhaustion in the middle of the day. He eats so little that he cannot properly concentrate on anything, and becomes so shaky that he cannot sit in his usual manner without falling over. And yet, he spends every waking moment, of which there are many, trying to make others happy, in particular, me and Near.

"You have to remember the good things that happened in Coby's life, not his death, or his past." I sigh tiredly, looking up into Ls eyes. They're far away, zoned out but still beautiful.

"….yeah…I suppose so…." Near stirred a little in his sleep, making a tiny, sad whimpering noise as he did so. L very carefully sits up, and I move over so that there is some space between us. He slowly shifts Near so he is laying between us, and covers him with a blanket, before lying back down.

"I'll be okay as long as the two of you are, Elsie." L murmurs, staring intently at the ceiling.

"I hope so." I reply, before slowly drifting into a worried, troubled sleep.

 **Near**

The day go by. Then the weeks, but the atmosphere in the orphanage remains tense and depressing. Five weeks after the funeral, I decide im ready to carry on with my studies. As I shuffle into the small classroom with the others, I get some strange looks from people.

Some look sympathetic and some look amused, presumably at my height and hair. I ignore them to the best of my ability as I take a seat near the back of the room. Matt stumbles clumsily into the classroom, and shuffles over to sit with me.

"Hey N, good to see you up and about again." He smiles, ruffling my hair. I chuckle slightly, and pretend to be interested in the teacher speaking at the front of the room, but I quickly find myself daydreaming out the window. I watch as two raindrops seemingly race each other down the glass. I avert my eyes from the window for a moment to take notes in my book so that I don't fail the class, but when I turn back to the window, I nearly fall out of my chair with shock. Sitting casually next to me on the windowsill is a boy. He has the same white hair as me, only it's straightened. Also he has the same stormy grey eyes as me. However, one half of the boy's face is very badly burnt, as if a bomb has gone off in his face. He is dressed entirely in leather, with an ironic rosary around his neck.

The boy looks at my surprised face and laughs, in a low growl, that I recognise all too well.

"What's up Near? Surprised to see me?" the boy laughs pretty sinisterly.

"How can you be here?" I reply, in an irritated, terrified, and rather loud voice.

"Because im stronger than you. And you're crazy…that helps too." Mello shrugs, and slips off the windowsill, onto his leather clad feet. "It's about time we talked about something, that's been bothering me." Mello sighs and crosses with arms over his chest, leaning against the desk.

"What?" I ask quickly, confused and concerned. How can Mello be here?

"It is Ls fault that Coby died, and we need to kill him." My threatening other personality snarls. My anger quickly builds, and I find myself crying suddenly and hysterically.

"No it wasn't! It was beyond!"

Mello rolls his eyes and stands behind me. Whispering into my ear.

"Im getting bored with you Near. You think you are the one in control but you're not. You're just a weak little sheep. So little lamb, if I were to attack anyone, what the hell would you do about it? we will kill L." I stand up quickly and scream at Mello.

"Stop! Stop!"

Mello sneers.

"No. just to show you whose really in charge, let's have some fun here…"

Mello vanishes, and im aware of everyone staring at me. I feel a sudden wave of anger come over me, and I can feel myself grinning. But I can't control my body…Someone gently touches my shoulder, and are thrown across the room with strength I didn't know I possessed. My new found strength destroys everything. Tables, chairs, a window, and various people are bleeding. Screams, shouting, arms holding me down and a needle in my arm. My blood on the floor and the shattered windows glass. The last thing I see before the anaesthetic drags me under, is the destruction Mello caused in only five minutes of being in control. Tears stream down my face as I slowly close my eyes, and the calm rushes over me.

 **Elsie**

"L listen! It sounds like screaming..." His face pales, as we both realise that the noise is coming from the class Near is currently in. We bolt to the room. The first thing we see is a smashed window. The glass still in the frame is smeared in blood. L throws open the door, freezing upon seeing the state of the class.

Tables and chairs are upturned. All the children are up against one wall in a line, some clutching bleeding wounds. They all look up at us as we come in. A teacher rushes forwards to L.

"L, we have a situation…" she starts, but L cuts her off.

"We can see that! What happened?" he demands.

"It's Near, he started screaming and shouting at something, some of the things he said scared the children…"

"What did he say?" L presses, infuriated by the teachers slow talking.

"He said he…he said he's going to kill you, and that it was your fault his brother died. But it was like he was arguing with himself about it. Does that make sense to you?" She asks with a sympathetic sound to her voice. Any mention of Coby, and L usually shuts down, but he nods at the teachers question.

"What happened afterwards?" The teacher is lost for words. One of the kids, Matt, limps over, holding his shoulder.

"I tried to snap him out of it, but he threw me across the room. It's like he got superhuman strength suddenly…" Matt shudders, and cries a little at the pain in his arm and leg. Quickly I step over to him, and hug him gently.

"Where's Near now? Is he going to hurt anyone again?" I ask softly. Matt shakes his head and turns to look behind him. Two adults sit on the floor opposite each other. I put a chair back upright and help Matt over to it. Then I run over to the two adults on the floor. Laying between them is Near. I gasp as I see the state of him.

There are blood smears all over his white clothes, and his hand is badly cut. He has tears on his face. The two paramedics, see me and move away from him a little, but one of them stays close and begins to bandage his hand.

"Careful, the kids insane. If he wakes up he'll hurt you." One of the paramedics warn. I clench my fists.

"He is not insane! He has a split personality! The real Near is a gentle sweet kid. Now move! I'll bandage it." I shove the paramedics away and take up the bandage.

"Go and take care of the other kids."

They don't dare to argue with me, and shuffle away. I begin to wrap the bandage around his hand carefully. I get a better look at him now. I roll up his sleeve to get it out of the way of the bandage, and notice there are bruises trailing up and down his arm. As I observe them, L jogs over and sits by Nears head, placing a cushion under it gently.

"L…Look at this." L shuffles over and glances down to Nears arm. His face is troubled. We are both thinking the same thing. But L voices it.

"It can't have happened in this incident," He gestures around the room, "They wouldn't be this yellow colour yet, He's had these a while…We need to ask him about these." He concluded, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes tiredly. I tie off the bandage and wrap my arms round Ls waist. He embraces me back, but weakly.

"You need to get some rest L…"

"How can I? with all this and Coby, and…" He stops, thinking hard about what to say next. I urge him on.

"I keep, seeing things, it might be just from the insomnia, but… I swear I keep seeing that grey haired man who kidnapped me when I was 8. Just watching me from the woods…" I widen my eyes suddenly, but I relax them quickly, hoping L didn't notice.

"What is it?" he asks worriedly.

"I've seen something very similar too." I confess slowly. L lets out a hitched breath and shakes his head.

"It's a coincidence. He can't be here. Anyway, let's deal with Near…" L trails off. Standing to go and speak with a paramedic…

I sigh and shake my head, tentatively holding Nears good hand… A short while later, the paramedics, who had left the room, returned with multiple stretchers, carrying away 4 children, including Matt and Near who need medical attention…L goes in the ambulance with Near, while I go with Matt.

 **L**

I can hear a crying child. I can see a beaten body chained to the wall. I see the grey haired man of my nightmares burning the flesh off the defenceless bag of skin and bones.

I jolt awake with a small gasp, gripping my knees tighter to my chest breathing in and out deeply. I hear a tired and weak voice from beside me.

"L, are you alright?" I look into Near's stormy, concerned eyes and force a smile.

"Im fine N, just a bad dream. How are you feeling?"

Near looks at me sceptically but answers nevertheless.

"Im feeling better...but I can't remember much of what happened…" his sentence trails off as he crinkles his brow in thought.

"What do you remember?" I ask, pushing him to answer.

His eyes light up as he remembers.

"Mello. Mello was sitting next to me…he told me that he's in control, and I blacked out. The last thing I remember is someone putting a hand on my shoulder…then screaming..." He suddenly flinched and shuddered, lowering his eyes from mine.

"Who did I hurt?" he asks in a sad, quiet voice that I have to strain to hear.

"It's not important. Everyone's ok now, and the situation was explained to them. No one is upset with you." I soothe in a calm tone. He sighs and lay back in the hospital bed looking up at the ceiling.

"I wish I could close off all my emotions. Then I wouldn't be in so much pain all the time." Near closes his eyes and takes in shaky breaths. Unsure of what to say at first, I shift so that im sitting on the edge of Near's bed. He looks up at me with sad eyes.

"Near, no matter what happens. Never let go of your emotions. They make you who you are. They make you able to feel happiness. Accomplishment. Love. If you have to experience sadness or anger from time to time to have a chance at happiness, then it's worth the current pain." Near nods his head slightly as white ringlets fall over his eyes.

"I suppose you're right. But its gonna take a lot of painkillers to get through this stage." He sighs. And to his surprise, I smile slightly and ruffle his hair.

"How poetic of you Near. Just like your brother." I laugh. He smiles and leans over to hug me.

"Well, my other brother. You aren't all that poetic." He chuckles.

 **Elsie**

I jiggle my leg worriedly as I wait for L with Matt, who is sitting in a wheel chair with an arm in a sling. When L finally emerges from the office, I sigh with relief, noting the cheery look on L's face.

"He's going to be fine to come home soon. But we'll have to keep an eye on him and keep him out of the school environment." L sighs, coming over to link hands with me comfortingly. He turns to Matt.

"How are you now Matt? Better?"

Matt shrugs his good shoulder and speaks in a light-hearted tone.

"I've had worse. Im just happy that Nears ok."

L nods and leads the two of us to the Livingroom, his smile fading slightly as the two of us sit down. Matt rolls the wheel chair over to a space opposite us.

"There is something that will need to be looked into a bit more though." L puts a thumb to his mouth and bites his nail.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask, suddenly concerned. L looks hesitant to answer.

"L? tell me what's wrong." I push calmly. He looks over to a window as he speaks.

"It's the bruises on Nears arm. I asked him about them…when he gained consciousness briefly in the ambulance…you won't believe how he got them. Im afraid what we spoke about wasn't a coincidence after all…"

 **Near-4 hours previously**

I can hear the roaring of an engine and the loud blaring of a siren. I open my eyes to a hazy image of someone sitting beside me. Excruciating pain suddenly rockets up through my frail body emanating from my hand, which although heavily bandaged has blood leaking through.

Whoever is sitting with me stands quickly also noticing the bandage, and proceeds to wrap another bandage around it. My vision slowly returns to normal and I recognise the figure with me to be L. His onyx eyes stare at me worriedly. He speaks to me in a calm, gentle voice as I try to move.

"No Near, don't move, you've lost a lot of blood. You're in an ambulance." Im about to protest, but L places a cold hand on my forehead and sweeps the snowy hair off my face, which is hot and clammy.

"You'll be okay, N, stay calm." L soothes. I sigh in defeat and cease all movement. L looks at me with a concerned face.

"Near, how did you get those bruises on your arms?"

My heart falters slightly and I gulp. I would freeze if I weren't already still. He said if I tell anyone, he would kill me. L sees the nervousness on my face and analyses me as always. Detective mode turned on. He will not give up until I answer.

"Tell me who did this Near. Tell me!" L raises his voice slightly, not quite shouting.

"It was a man! He's been stalking around the orphanage! He cornered me when I saw him and grabbed my arms! He said if I screamed or told anyone, he would kill me! He must of hit my head against the wall, because I blacked out, and when I woke up he was gone.!" I cry loudly, cringing at the memory. Remembering how the man had whispered in that snarling way, how much he reminded me of my father, holding Coby to the wall. Only this time I didn't have a gun. Ls face pales, like he'd seen a Shinigami or a phantom.

"Near! You should have told me! What did he look like Near?" L asks in a panicked manner. I wrack my memory to recollect the man's image.

"He was middle height, but kind of muscly and…"

"And what?"

I look L dead in the eye, remembering the most important feature of all.

"Grey…grey hair..."

L looked like a lost child, scared, defenceless. The last thing I heard before I drift back to sleep is Ls voice whispering, terrified.

"Sylas? It can't be…"

 **L**

My eyes snap open. Looking around me I realise I am standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to the roof. Slowly, I stumble up the stairs in the dark and climb through the hatch to be met by the starlit sky. I see a figure sitting with white trouser clad legs hanging off the roof. I sit beside the figure, also sitting with my legs hanging off the roof.

"So how have you been holding up then, you know, since this." Coby smiles, turning to face me but gesturing to the blood stained t-shirt he is wearing. I avoid the crimson and instead look into my friends ever beautiful, stormy eyes.

"Not great. But hey, at least I didn't get stabbed." I frown, shrugging my shoulders. Coby laughs.

"True, very true. You know being dead wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't forced to talk to you still every time you're sad. I never get a break." He grins nudging me slightly. I smile and shove him back.

"Im sorry for the inconvenience." Coby shrugs and looks up at the sky, the starlight reflecting off his grey orb eyes. He sighs and looks down at his feet.

"So what's wrong L?" Coby asks, the light-hearted smile fading a little.

"I just miss you. And im worried about Near. They haven't found B yet. What isn't wrong is probably a better question." I hold my head in my hands. Coby shrugs again.

"There's nothing that you can do. Just take care of Near for me. Don't worry about B. And remember that im always there for you. In here." Coby dramatically holds his hands over his chest. I chuckle and stand up.

"That's so cliché' Coby. You moron." Coby smiles.

"I love you too L."

I turn and jump from the roof.

 **Near**

L walks silently with me as we exit the car that drove us back from the hospital. His eyes seem to dart around uncharacteristically nervously, searching the woods for any sigh of someone lurking. Despite the fact police had searched the area for any sign of the man, Sylas, and had found nothing, no one is convinced that he's gone.

"Near, from now on, do not leave the house without someone with you. Understand?" L asks sternly, looking at me with demanding eyes, to check im listening.

"I understand." I mumble. L gives a satisfied nod and smile, pushing open the door, then shutting it behind us. Elsie emerges from the living room and rushes forwards, giving me a hug, then giving L one.

"Im so glad you're ok Near. L told me what happened to your arms. Just, tell us if need anything ok?" Elsie softly breathes out, in obvious relief. I think since her brother died, she's viewed me as a brother. But I don't mind in the slightest. I nod my head to answer, and turn to face Matt as he rolls out of the other room in a wheel chair. Expecting him to be upset or angry with me, im surprised when he wheels over to me and smiles.

"Hey buddy! Good to see you. Just wanted to say that im not even a little bit annoyed with you. Im actually kinda impressed!" im taken aback with surprise.

"Really? W, why?" I stutter. Matt laughs.

"You, my strange little friend, are insanely strong for such a small guy. Also I know all about Mello. I read your file, sorry about that by the way. Oh! Do you want to go and play some video games with me! I'll probably beat you obviously but come on it will be fun!" I don't have a chance to answer before he is turning and wheeling away shouting,

"Good, knew you would, lets go!" I look at L and Elsie briefly, who are trying very hard not to laugh, and I speed walk after Matt.


	11. Chapter 11

… Two weeks later- Near...

As I walk down the hallway past Ls room, I hear angry shouting coming from inside. L and Elsie are arguing. They never argue. Curiously, I press my ear to the door, to eavesdrop.

"L! What are you talking about! That is the most selfish thing you have ever said."

"Oh really? Well im sorry Elsie. I don't want to live anymore! Im fed up of feeling like im not good enough. Im tired of sitting there whilst Near cries, or breaks down after a nightmare and not being able to help. Because im not Coby! I should have died, not him! And im tired of having nightmares myself and making you miserable with every negative breath I take." I hear L yell back, but with a definite slur to his usually calm voice.

"L. you're drunk." I hear Elsie choke angrily.

"So what if I am? Alcohol brings out how people really feel. Those are my true feelings." L shouts back, indignantly. I hear a loud banging noise.

"L! Stop! You'll hurt yourself!" Elsie cries. I peak through the crack in the door to see Elsie grabbing Ls wrists. His knuckles are split and bleeding as she inspects them.

"I don't care! I wouldn't care if B came back right now and stabbed me in the bloody chest. You and Near would be better off without me anyway. In fact, just let me fucking kill myself!"L sobs. Elsie gasps and cries, wrapping her arms around L tightly.

"No L, please stop, calm down! I love you. Near loves you...Stop..." Elsie isn't strong enough to stop L, and doesn't realise the knife in his pocket until he pulls it out and goes to cut into his arm. Elsie screams but L ignores her.

I panic. I reach inside myself.

" _Mello! Help! Please!"_

 _"_ _Shit. Okay."_

Im no longer in control of my body. I run into the room, knocking L off his feet with my newfound strength, and wrestling the blade from his hand. He struggles to get it back, but before he can do anything, Elsie grabs his hands and handcuffs him to the beds legs with both hands behind his back.

"Are you okay Elsie?" I cry, regaining control of my body. She is sitting with her knees up shaking, and sobbing loudly. But she manages to get a few words out.

"Thank you. Thank you" I shuffle over to her. We sit together for a full five minutes in a tight hug until Elsie finishes shaking.

"We should call Watari." I suggest when we finally pull apart. Elsie nods her head and leaves me alone in the room. I look over to L, who is crying helplessly, hanging his head.

"L?" I say tentatively. When he doesn't answer I repeat myself, only to be ignored again. I move over to him and wrap my arms around him without hesitation. After a brief second, L gives in and rests his head on my shoulder, crying into it.

"Im so sorry N, im so sorry, forgive me."

"I forgive you. I understand" I reply with a shaky voice. "But I nearly lost another brother."

L looks at me sorrowfully.

"…I love you Near…and I love Elsie. But I don't know if I can do it anymore." L mutters. Barely audible. I look him in the eyes and reply sternly.

"You have to."

 **L**

When I wake up, Elsie is sitting awake already next to me. the events of last night flood back to me and I cringe in guilt and regret. When Elsie sees me awake, she says nothing. She just wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. Then she murmurs.

"I love you," I smile, and breathe with relief.

"I love you so much more." I whisper, too tired to speak louder. She looks up into my eyes, very seriously.

"You tried to kill yourself L. twice." I look at her, slightly puzzled.

"Twice? I only remember the knife…" I recall, regret and shame lacing my voice. Elsie shakes her head.

"You don't remember?"

I wrack my memory. As it comes back, a moment of realisation dawns on my face.

"Oh."

 **L-5 minutes before the knife incident**

"I can't do this anymore Coby…ive tried.." I sob, shaking my head, looking down at the ground below. Im standing on the roof. Coby next to me. But it's probably just a hallucination from whatever stupid drug that guy gave me. He said it was paracetamol. I took it even though I knew it wasn't, because I didn't really care if it killed me.

Coby's ghostly figure has a hand on my shoulder, trying to hold me back.

"L, stop. Think about this. What about Elsie, Near, Watari, and all those cases that need to be solved? You are irreplaceable. No successor can ever be you. I would do anything to not be dead. Do not put yourself in that position." Suddenly, my anger peaks.

"COBY! YOU LEFT ME! You left me here, to deal with everything alone. If I want to jump I will." Just as im about to step off, real arms pull me back.

"L! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Elsie screams, dragging me back inside, and into our room.

"What did it look like I was doing Elsie? I was trying to die." Elsie looks at me with a look of horror.

""L! What are you talking about! That is the most selfish thing you have ever said."

 **L-2 days after**

"No. I still refuse. Im not seeing a therapist. It's not necessary." I sit with my knees pulled up against my chest in Watari's office. Im on the floor with Near, taking it in turns to put a piece of his plain white puzzle together.

"Well I can't make you. But if I think you are a danger to yourself then I can have you committed." Watari answers. I glare daggers at him.

"Watari, im fine. And im an adult. I can look after myself."

"That's not what Elsie and Near have said Lawliet."

Watari sighs, rubbing his eyes.

"Fine, but im keeping an eye on you for a while. You can go. But Near, stay with him." I scowl at him, as we both leave his office. Near looks at me out of the corners of his eyes but doesn't say anything as we walk towards my room, where Elsie is sitting by the window looking at the woods. She looks up as we enter and comes and gives me a kiss.

"What was that for?" I laugh .

"Im just happy you're still here."

I give her a slightly sad smile and sit beside her by the window, with Near between us, watching the sunset.


	12. Chapter 12

**Elsie**

When I wake, I check that L is still asleep, before quietly slipping out of the room. I lock the bathroom door behind me and splash my face with cold water. Staring at my thin image in the mirror, the mascara streaks running down my face from all the silent crying. It seems everyone is suffering from horrific nightmares of late. My most recent one pictured L, lying dead in front of the orphanage, after I watched him jump from the roof. That's what woke me. This has been going on for weeks.

I sit myself on the edge of the bath, and cry more tired tears. I stay there for almost 20 minutes. Just crying. Before I make my way back to bed, after washing away any trace of the tears. The sky outside has only just began to shine with faint, orange sunlight. I lay awake, arms wrapped tightly around myself.

I lay awake for about half an hour before I feel arms wrap around me from behind. I flip over slowly to look into Ls eyes.

"Morning!" I smile brightly. L smiles lightly back and kisses my nose.

"And to you." He replies. I think we both know at that moment that the other is putting up a happy front to mask the ever present feeling of doom, but neither of us care to mention it.

We both slide out of bed and get dressed, even though we know we're unlikely to leave the house today. We sit opposite each other on the bed, with Near sitting next to me. L is working on some murder case, whilst Near and I sit and talk. About what's going on in his head mostly, as he too refuses to see a therapist, even though he blatantly needs one.

"Mello appears in my dreams a lot…and he's usually the one to wake me up if the dream is a nightmare, and he's the one who's terrorising me in others. I think he's still trying to establish dominance in a way. By manipulating my dreams. He's evil." Near shrugs his shoulders.

I consider what he's said for a moment.

"I don't believe Mello is evil. He's on your side, he just has a different approach to you." Near looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

"He nearly killed Matt…"

"He didn't mean to. Why would he?" I reply. Near shakes his head, and twirls his white hair around his fingers.

"He's as bad as Beyond, in my opinion." He sighs, tucking some hair behind his ear, and resorting to stare at the rather creepy puppet resting on his knee. I look at him, confused.

"How is he as bad is Beyond?"

Near looks at me, and in a monotone reminiscent of Ls.

"Because he wants to kill. Because he enjoys it."

 **Near**

Elsie and L sit together on the laptop, discussing a case, so I wonder over to the window and sit on the window seat, watching the woods. Just thinking back over my life, and I realise that not one moment of it has been positive. From the moment I was born, Ive been considered evil. And it turns out part of me is.

Part of what L said the other night burns into my mind _. "_ _Im tired of sitting there whilst Near cries, or breaks down after a nightmare and not being able to help."_ Im part of the reason L tried to kill himself. Because of my stupid nightmares and messed up head, the world nearly lost its best detective, and I nearly lost another brother. Elsie nearly lost her soul mate, her life. And what about Matt? Because of my evil side, Matt, an innocent, gentle human being, could have been killed.

I glance over to L and Elsie, who must have started talking about something other than the case, because they are now entwined together in a hug. I look back over to the window, and realise that my face is dripping with tears. I swipe them away, resting my forehead to the glass. I zone out a little, memories flooding back that I shouldn't remember. Being held underwater by strong hands, screaming. Being wrapped up in my brother's arms, in a closet, minutes before a body lay dead on the floor by my doing.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I notice movement, moving towards the woods. I quickly perk up and stand, shouting a name as I realise what's going on. L and Elsie quickly stand and come to see what's wrong.

"What? What's wrong Near?" Elsie asks, looking out the window. L does the same, before swearing loudly and bolting out of the bedroom door.

Sylas is there. Half dragging, half carrying a struggling Matt, into the woods.


	13. Chapter 13

**L**

My brain is racing at a hundred miles an hour as I run after Sylas. He's managed to go fast into the woods considering the fact he is also dragging Matt along with him. Elsie has already called the police, and an ambulance, for the worst case scenario. I follow the tracks in the ground made by Matt dragging his feet. What does Sylas want with Matt? Most likely, bait.

At some point, Sylas must have realised that Matt was leaving a trail, and picked him up. Without any more trail, I start panicking. I shout out in frustration.

"Matt!" I hear no reply. I continue running, shouting, hoping desperately for a reply. Finally I hear one.

A very faint "help!" can be heard, but only briefly, before it's abruptly cut off. I move in the direction of the voice, but still can't find anyone. The only clue that anyone has been there, is a note smeared in fresh blood. Scrawled on the paper, there is a message that reads:

"Well Lawliet, it seems out paths have crossed again. I told that little white lamb that I would kill if he told anyone. You should have kept everyone indoors. I have the boy, Matt, and im afraid he will have to die unless, we make a trade. Meet me at the tree near the lake in three days at midnight or I will kill him. Maybe you will be a better person than your scum of a father. You wouldn't abandon the boy like your father did, would you? I wonder if you can guess what I want in return for the boy. Until then, L Lawliet.

Ps. Your old friend Beyond Birthday sends his regards, and would like to inform you he has left the country."

I crumple the note up and punch a tree, falling to the floor, screaming. Sylas was in contact with B? and I know exactly what He wants in return for Matt. He wants to kill me. I bang my head against the tree. I can't let matt die. I can't leave him like my father did to me…

 **Elsie**

L returns from the woods after hours of searching. He passes me, wordlessly handing me a screwed up piece of paper. Upon reading the note I look to L, who has fallen in a curled up ball on the floor. Just inside the front door. The police are already swarming the area, but I know they won't find anything. This man is almost an expert. I move over to Ls crying, shaking form and wrap him in a tight embrace. He collapses against me, whispering quickly under his breath.

"He'll kill him. He'll kill him if I don't go…" I freeze. L is actually thinking of letting this man kill him.

"No...We'll find another way!" I insist shaking my head. L looks up at me with sorrow filling his eyes.

"No. We won't. There's nothing else we can do.." he cries hysterically. I take his pale, angular face in my hands and move so we are nose to nose.

"The police will find him... Don't you dare go..." l hesitates, then nods slightly.

"Yeah...Yeah ok..." I kiss him, and he calms a little, pulling me into an embrace this time, whispering.

"The police will find him, the police will find him." As we sit there, I become less and less convinced that L won't go. A thought crosses my mind. I will do what I can to stop L from going. But if he does. I know exactly what I will do.

 **Near**

I sit alone in my room, well, almost alone. Staring at the space on the floor, by the door, where my brother died. I quickly turn my attention back to the figure sitting beside me.

"Why did you do it?" I ask the ghostly figure. Staring into the eyes so like Matts. I glance at the slight tint of red in his mousy brown hair, only it's also slightly white. Him being either a ghost or a figment of my imagination. Either way. A removes his hand from his throat, where he'd been resting it, to reveal an ugly, purple rope burn, and bruise. He looks at me sadly.

"I was already considering it for a while before the argument. But Beyond told me about how he murdered his family, and he threatened Matt. I don't know all the details, but he's insane. He got angry at me frequently and always told me to kill myself. But he didn't mean it. I know that now. He isn't all bad. But he just pushed me to do it, so I did."

I looks at him while he speaks, then I take my eyes away from him.

"Do you know what's happened to Matt?" A looks solemn and nods his head.

"Yes. It think that's why im here with you now. Matt and I had a close bond. If there's a chance he may die, I should be nearby, to lead him away. You'll understand when you die." A smiles, seeing the confused look on my face. He disappears as I wake up. I sit there awake for the remainder of the night pondering what A said, and wondering if he was really a dream, or a spirt entering my dreams.

 **L**

Knowing that for the time being there is nothing else I can do for Matt, Elsie and I lay in bed, although it is gone 12:00 in the afternoon. We lie wrapped in each other's arms talking about anything else but the kidnapping, trying desperately to take our minds off of it. As far as im concerned, in two days, either Sylas will be dead, or I will. Either way, Elsie, Near and Matt will be safe. Sylas only wants to kill me.

I listen to Elsie's soft voice. I take in every aspect of her beautiful face. Her flawless skin and striking emerald eyes. The thought of leaving her behind is tearing me apart from the inside out. But it will be for the best.

"We need to do something. Like we did before Coby died. Something to remember the good times." Elsie decides, wriggling out of the bed and walking to where two guitars are balanced against the wall.

"Come on, let's sing something." She smiles, handing me a guitar as I sit up and cross my legs. I smile and roll my eyes.

"Okay, that sounds like a good idea. What do you want to sing?" I ask, positioning the guitar on my legs. Elsie smiles brightly.

"Every song we know…"

So we sit there for a couple of hours, just singing. Half way through, Near joins us and quite happily sits and listens, smiling and singing along quietly, until we realise that its already dark. We all fall asleep. Near in between us as we link arms over his sleeping form. The dark thought crosses my mind, that this might be one of the last times we can do this, and be happy. On that note I brush the through aside and sleep peacefully for the first time in weeks.

So the day is here, tonight, at midnight I will confront Sylas. Tonight, someone is going to die. But Elsie doesn't know that yet. I've let her believe im not going. And I feel horrible about it. We walk downstairs, hand in hand and sit together in the Livingroom. Just playing cards, laughing. Sitting on the sofa together with her leaning against my legs. Like we did when we were merely friends. When she saved my life.

We sit there in a quiet, but somewhat calm silence for a while with Near sitting on the floor constructing a puzzle. Watari comes in and leaves with Near for a therapy session, as Near final agreed to it as long as Watari was in the room.

Elsie and I stand, and I carry her on my back up the stairs, and to the roof. We sit there for a long time, far enough back so she doesn't get nervous. We talk about many things, including Coby. I tell her about the dream I had in which Coby was sitting here with me. She smiles when I describe his sarcasm, and she laughs.

"I think that may have actually been him you know. It sounds like exactly what he would say." I smile and lean into her. She kisses me back. We stay there for almost a whole minute before I pull away and speak to her again.

"I love you Elsie Keehl." She grins back.

"I love you L Lawliet." We sit there until it gets cold, then we retreat back to the bedroom and simply lie there. I check the time.

10:30. Not long now… I sigh shakily as I weigh my options here. I could leave Matt to the police, but then Sylas is likely to kill him. I could give myself up. Or I could fight. None of the options are appealing. I simply lie with my arms firmly wrapped around Elsie, until I hear my phone ringing quietly on the bedside table…

 **Near**

Why can I smell blood? I take my steps in the dark, I need a source of light. No sooner than the thought crosses my mind, a torch appears at my feet. I pick it up cautiously, using the dim white beam to work out where I am. Upon inspection I find that I am standing in the cold, cluttered basement at Wammys. The very place ive avoided stepping foot in since…Miheal.

Silently, I follow a trail of crimson on the floor. I drop the torch in shock at the scene before me. 5 bodies are propped against the wall. Side by side. One, I recognise to be Miheal. His hair dripping in blood. Body mutilated almost beyond recognition. Next to him is Coby. A maroon flower spreading out from his side, staining his white clothing.

He appears to be crying tears of blood. The next two bodies, I do not recognise, but I know who they are. A young girl with black hair and soil covered skin and clothes. Some sections of her skin have rotted away, revealing bone and muscle. Sitting beside her is an adult man, with a simple bullet hole through his head. Beyond birthdays sister and father. The last body is Matt, bruises covering every inch of his skin.

I quickly look away, crying loudly, screaming. I hear a voice behind me, and abruptly turn around to be met with glinting red eyes, and a sinister grin dripping with blood.

"Oh! I missed one. It's ok though Near, he did it for me." B laughs looking up to the high ceiling. My eyes follow his, and I realise the body hanging from a rope, dripping blood from many slices on his body. I scream again, to be met by loud, villainous laughter. I look back at B, only to see my father standing there. He quickly morphs into the grey haired man, Sylas, still laughing manically.

I feel hands on my shoulder and spin around, about to punch whoever is there, but my wrist is grabbed before I can make contact with whoever is there.

"Get a grip Near! It's your imagination. Calm down!" I look around confused, still panicking. The leather clad figure holding my wrist rolls his azure eyes and slaps me across the face, before putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Near, look at me, its Mello. Yes, I too am your imagination, but Im not trying to hurt you. It's a dream, wake up!"

My eyes quickly open and I gasp. Sweating and crying. Im standing in the middle of my room, with Watari standing in front of me, gently shaking my shoulders.

"Near, are you alright?" he asks, in his typically calm way. I look around the room dazed, still crying, and completely unsure of everything. Watari looks at me in a concerned way. Carefully, he helps me over to my bed and sits me on the edge of it. He pulls out his phone and makes a call.

"L, it's Near. He had another dream."

 **L**

"Are you going to be ok Near?" I ask tiredly, analysing the small child with all the energy I still have.

"Yes. I think im going to be ok." Near reply's sadly, nodding his head. I smile a little and ruffle his hair.

"You know Near, you are a better and braver person than I will ever be." He smiles back and closes his eyes. I quietly go to leave the room, but I hesitate and stop at the door.

"I love you Near..."

"I love you too L..." Near yawns, pulling the blanket in on himself. I turn and leave the room closing the door, collapsing against the wall as soon as the door is shut, resting my head in my hands. I don't know if I can do this…

I hear light footsteps padding towards me.

"Are you alright L?" Watari asks. Kneeling beside me like someone would do for a lost puppy. I look into the eyes of the man who has been like a father to me for the past 5 years.

"No. I don't think I am." I shake my head before resting it on my knees.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Watari coaxes gently. I really do. But I don't want to burden anyone. I shake my head again.

"No, thank you Watari. I think im just going to go for a walk. I need to clear my head a bit." Watari nods in understanding and straightens up, offering a hand to help me up. I stand and give him a light smile, turning my back.

"Im sure I'll be okay Watari. Don't worry about me." I hear him mumble something along the lines of I hope so. But I walk away, back hunched. I swipe a knife from the kitchen, and walk out the back door.

I walk into the woods, alone. This was probably a bad idea. But I couldn't bring anyone with me. If anything ever happened to them, I wouldn't want to live anymore anyway. I come to the tree where Elsie and I once sat and watched the sunset together. And I sit in the nest like tangle of roots. Waiting for him to show. I frown as I hear the footsteps behind me.

"Sylas."

"Lawliet"

Sylas calmly leans against a tree, twirling a knife in his hand.

"I see you came prepared for anything." I say in a monotone. Glancing at the object. He laughs.

"Whatever makes you say that?"

I shrug my shoulder.

"The fact that not only do you have a knife, but also a gun tucked in the waistband of your jeans. I can tell by the way you are standing up so straight, when from my photographic memory, you usual walk slightly hunched. Like me." I too stand up and face Sylas, maintaining the mask that I keep up for everyone. Internally though, im restraining myself from just stabbing him where he stands.

"Where's Matt?" I spit, narrowing my eyes at Sylas. He sneers.

"I'll get him, he may have difficulty standing." Sylas replies, tucking the knife into a leather case attached to his belt, and walking away in the other direction.

A few minutes later he returns, half dragging a small, whimpering figure towards me before dropping him onto the floor. And stepping back. I run forwards and catch his head before it hits the ground. Matt slowly opens his eyes and looks up at me weakly. I look over him and take into account his severe bruising and visible burn marks. I squeeze my eyes shut and wipe tears away from my eyes as I think back to my own experiences with this man.

"Matt? Are you alright?" I whisper, so only he can hear me. Matt quietly chokes his reply.

"I've had worse…" he offers a small smile. I laugh quietly.

"Yeah right Matt. Look, you've got to get back to the house. It's very likely im about to die, so if I do, call someone to help you." I pass my phone to matt and slide it into his pocket in a way that Sylas wouldn't notice. Despite Matt's protests, I pick him up and sit him against a tree. I return to face Sylas.


	14. Chapter 14

"You know, I would have come anyway if you hadn't kidnapped Matt." I stare into the depths of this man's void-like eyes. He shrugs his shoulders.

"And why would you do that? Surely you don't want to die?" His patronising voice rings through the night air. I can see my breath, I feel the cold, but my blood is boiling too much for me to freeze.

"Because this gives me the chance to kill you." I monotonously answer, clasping my hand around the knife. "But I can see you are more likely to kill me. Nethertheless, I'll give it my best shot." Sylas laughs and takes a few steps towards me, the knife now back in his hand. He lunges at me, but I predict his movements far in advance to him actually making a move. Recalling every bit of martial arts my father taught me, and what I researched myself over the years, I flip my body over the top of Sylas's head, and land on two feet behind him, after kicking him in the head in the process. He stumbles, catching himself on a tree. He turns around to face me, laughing, with a bloody nose.

"Impressive L. But you will have to try harder than that." Sylas runs at me with the knife raised. I roll my eyes at him and simply sidestep, kicking his legs out from under him. Now laying on the ground, Sylas pulls me down with him, pulling the knife away from me and throwing it in Matt's direction, but it sticks into the tree right by his head, as he dodges weakly out of the way.

Sylas pins down my arms using his feet, and brings his knife to my throat. Under his weight, I struggle to move, but I am unable. I close my eyes somewhat in defeat.

"Goodbye Lawliet." Sylas growls, moving his arm, preparing to rip away my life, when suddenly, he howls in pain and backs up. Confused, I quickly stand up, looking in the space behind Sylas, where Matt is. Where the knife from before is no longer stuck in a tree, and the familiar white haired boy is pulling a panicked matt to his feet…

 **Near**

L leaves my room, and moments later I hear Watari speaking to him on the other side of the door, before L declares he is going for a walk. But I know where he's really going. So I follow him into the woods. When I hear the voices of L and Sylas, followed by the sounds of scuffling, I search around in the clearing for Matt. At the same time I find him, Sylas is pinning L down to the ground. From this angle I can't tell, but I'd say he's about to kill him. Thinking quickly, I run over to Matt, and grab the knife stuck in a tree beside him. I turn, and throw the knife at Sylas. It lodges itself in between his shoulder blades. He stumbles away in pain. I pull Matt to his feet.

"Matt, when he realises im here, he might kill us, we have to move. Got it?" I mumble so only Matt can hear me. I quickly drag Matt further away. I place him in the roots of a large tree, where he is hidden should Sylas try and find him.

"Stay here, I need to help L…Not that you can move anyway." I smile. Matt laughs sarcastically.

"Ha ha, so funny. Now go, I'll be fine. But be careful buddy..." Matt smiles.

"I will."

 **L**

Sylas pulls the knife out of its sheath of skin and drops it to the ground.

"Wow. Your little friends got a good aim. And good timing but that won't save you now." Sylas hisses, blood spitting out of the wound on his back. He swipes the knife at me, slicing open my skin over my shoulder. Blood seeps out, but I ignore it. All his action does is land him a spin hook quick to the face. Now both of us are drenched in blood.

"You worthless little runt. You are nothing. Your life doesn't matter. Give it up already!" Sylas screams in frustration, dropping the knife and coming at me. Im momentarily distracted by the pain in my shoulder, amplified from the airborne kick. So I don't see Sylas coming towards me. He punches me in the face with enough force to knock me over. I lay on my back, too weak to stand again. Instead, I prop myself up on my good arm, and stare at Sylas.

"Then kill me. Go ahead, you win." I choke, then laugh a little, hysterical, but it then turns to frustration.

"Just kill me then!" I scream. Sylas looks slightly taken aback by my sudden change. But I have no fight left in me.

"As you wish." Sylas sneers, pulling the gun out of the waistband of his jeans and pointing it at me.

"Goodbye L." Sylas growls. I close my eyes again. The gun fires. I hear a scream. But it's not mine. I open my eyes. My heart stops for a moment. Then I scream, covering my mouth with my blood smeared hands. The world slows, I become completely cut off from it.

As I watch Elsie collapse in front of me, between the bullet, and me…

 **Elsie**

I knew it. I knew he would go. I knew it might come to this. I followed L into the woods, then I saw Near do the same, but he wouldn't be able to help on his own. I stayed behind a tree, unsure of what I could do to help, until Sylas pointed that gun at L. I didn't hesitate to take the bullet for him.

Unbearable pain sears my flesh, crimson, metallic blood bathes my White shirt. My teal skater skirt. It runs down my legs. Over my hands. Over Ls as he places his hands over the wound quickly trying to stop the bleeding. Through my blurred vision I see Near, or more likely Mello, wrestling the gun out of Sylas's grasp. I hear him scream at him. I recognise him repeating something said to him before.

 _"_ _Look Mello. Promise that you will only step in to help near and use violence if the situation means that Near or someone else might be hurt or killed should you not take any action."_

He screws up his face angrily.

"I think Coby would agree with violence in this occasion. Go to hell asshole." With that, more gunshots ring through the air as Mello fires multiple shots into Sylas's body. Two bullets shatter his knees, one lands in his stomach, and another in his head. Mello drops the gun, and Near runs over to me, crying now. Looking at the wound in my side.

L stares at me in disbelief.

"Why would you do that?" he sobs. I look up to his shining eyes.

"Because I love you. And your life is so much more important than mine…You have to live on…look after Near…like Coby would have wanted…" I let my words trail off. L shakes his head.

"No. No you can't die. You'll be fine…I just need to get you back to the house…" I stop him and place a hand on his face weakly.

"L, its too late…You have to let me go…" L tears trail down his face in a stream. He shakes his head again.

"No..No..you can't die…I don't want to live without you…" He chokes, going nose to nose with me. I kiss him gently and reply

"We all have to do things we don't want to do…Just remember me. Remember all the things in between the bad. Don't dwell on the past, then I can die happy…" I smile through my tears before whispering.

"I love you both so, so much. And I know we'll see each other again. Hopefully not too soon though…Sylas is dead, B is gone. Just live the rest of your lives happy… And one more thing…" I trail off again L and Near cry between the gaps in my words.

"What? What else?"

I smile at them again, flinching a little at the pain that this is causing for L. And Near sitting beside him.

"Just, never stop being you for anyone. Don't let them judge you because you look odd, or you sit like a frog..." L laughs lightly, still crying though. And Near, never let Mello control you.

"We won't…I love you Elsie..." He sulks, resting his forehead to mine and kissing me.

"I love you too, L Lawliet."

I look above L to see the starry night sky. The pain slowly subsides as everything around me goes white. Two familiar voices followed by an extended hand pulls me to my feet.

"Good to see you again, or perhaps its bad, depends on how you look at it." Coby laughs. Miheal rolls his eyes and whacks him.

"Shut up. Come on Elsie, there's this thing you have to do now, but you probably won't like it." Miheal takes my hand, and leads me off into the whiteness. Finally, I feel at peace…


	15. Chapter 15

**L**

I don't have any energy to scream, or even cry anymore. The instant I feel Elsie go limp in my arms, a cord in my head is cut, making me go limp too. I breathe heavily, staring at the still open emerald eyes gleaming with tears. Her hair hangs loosely around her shoulders, over her face. I brush it gently away and close her eyes for her. My eyes flicker over to Near sitting beside me, curled in on himself sobbing.

"Come here Near.." I choke softly, laying Elsie down carefully, as if being careful not to hurt her, but obviously that isn't a problem now. Near drags himself towards me. I wrap in up in my arms and rock him gently, using a soothing tone and rubbing small circles into his back to make him relax.

"It's okay Near…it's okay…" I don't believe a word im saying. Nothing about this is ok. Elsie is dead. Nothing will ever be okay again. I join Near, with streams of tears trailing down from my eyes. We're both covered in blood now. I remember something.

"Near, where's Matt?" Near pulls away slowly, standing.

"I'll get him…

Near returns supporting Matt. I watch as his face falls upon seeing the two bodies lying in the clearing. Matt too begins crying, silently, grasping onto Near. I look away from them back to Elsie, and make the decision.

"Near, help Matt back to the house. Im going to call someone to get Sylas, but im taking Elsie back." Near takes my phone from Matt and hands it to me, nodding silently, before the pair turn and slowly make their way back to the house. After making the necessary calls and telling them where to find Sylas's body, I turn back to Elsie once again.

"This is all my fault…it's all my fault…" I whisper under my breath, taking Elsie's body in my arms in a fireman's lift, despite the pain in my shoulder, and very slowly making my way back to the house, taking the gun off the ground with its one remaining bullet and sliding it into the waistband of my jeans.

Half for Elsie's sake, and half to comfort myself, I sing quietly, softly, the same song that we wrote and sang together at Coby's funeral. I recall the lyrics, the ones I suggested.

" _You're so lost, why keep doing this, all again,"_ I realise that the lyrics describe my current state perfectly. How many times will someone else die for me? How many more times will I have to attend the funeral of a friend, a brother, a lover? I finish singing and begin simply talking, both to myself, and Elsie's lifeless body, which is still warm pressed up against me.

"I belong alone…You, Coby, Miheal, A. I could have prevented so much pain if I were a better detective. If I had just killed myself, or let Sylas kill me when he killed my parents, at least you and Coby would still be here. Matt will be scarred for life. If neither Matt or Near become just as depressed as me, I will be very surprised." I cry as the house comes into view.

Watari is standing, with Matt and Near, but neither of them have spoken to him yet. He turns towards me as I approach, his face falling as far as Mount Everest to the ground. His normally calm face becomes distraught. He tries to say something to me as I pass, but I can't hear him. I can't bring myself to listen, or talk. I carry Elsie inside and lie her on the sofa sitting beside her for a moment with my head resting on her stomach. Watari steps quietly into the room after about 10 minutes. This time I listen to him, having gathered my thoughts.

"L...What...Happened?" He asks tentatively. My eyes I look up and stare at Elsie's face while I speak in an eerie monotone.

"She took a bullet for me…Sylas is dead too. Mello killed him." Watari looks like he wants to say something else when I look towards him. But he just nods his head and backs out of the room.

"I'll arrange a funeral as soon as possible..." Watari croaks sadly. I thank him silently by nodding my head. He understands, and leaves me alone in the room. I sit there for a long time crying over her, still covered in her blood. When the time comes for her to be taken away, they have to ply her from my grasp. I collapse on the floor as she is carried away on a stretcher under a blinding white sheet. Matt is also taken away on a stretcher, with Near and Roger going with him. I am left alone in the living room, curled up in the lone armchair, neither crying nor thinking... After a while someone enters the room and kneels beside me.

"Are you going to stay down here tonight L? I can understand why you may not want to go into your room yet." Watari speaks in a quiet, sympathetic, fatherly voice. I nod in reply, fearing I might break down again if I try to talk.

Watari stands and walks away, returning a moment later with a clean shirt from my room, knowing that mine was covered in dirt and blood. When I finish changing I once again curl into a ball in the armchair. Watari enters the room again about five minutes later, and I feel a blanket being wrapped around my shoulders, like a child. I mumble a quiet thank you, and eventually fall asleep thanks to some pills Watari insists I take. Thankfully the pills also prevent me from dreaming, so im not subjected to the incidents from tonight replaying all night long in my mind.

For the next few days, I can barely function as a human being. I spend every hour of my time skimming through cases on the police data base, solving around 25 crimes in only two days. At Elsie's funeral, I can't bear to even look at the casket. I give my eulogy like a robot. Anything I wanted to say to Elsie I either said when she was alive, or I will say to her when I die. My relationship with Elsie was personal. I don't feel it's necessary to share it with everyone.

Weeks after the funeral pass by, im still in the zombie like state. One night whilst im lying in bed I feel that I know what I have to do. I need to do something, anything to feel again. To know im still alive, as now im not so sure. The next night I sit with Near in his room smoothing down his hair, comforting him until he falls asleep. I slip silently out of the room and lock myself in the bathroom. I take out the small metallic blade from my trouser pocket. I walk over to the sink and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I whisper miserably.

"Im sorry Elsie…" With that, I drag the blade along my arm, letting blood run down, weaving through my fingers to disappear down the drain. Finally, im able to cry again. I wash away the blood and dry my eyes. Again taking in the image in the mirror. I sob uncontrollably as I see various mauled bodies behind me in the mirror. I close my eyes and slide to the floor. What's wrong with me?

"GO AWAY!" I scream at them as they begin to approach. One of the creatures with distorted rotting features and a female voice speak.

"Why didn't you save us L? we loved you, and you let us die!" I shake my head.

"I..I couldn't…im sorry!" I shout back. The other figure, with recognisable white hair, but completely twisted features speaks in a low, demonic voice.

"We were supposed to be brothers! Brothers L! You let him hurt me!" I curl my body in so tight it hurts and begin to rock backwards and forwards. I feel hands on my shoulders and wake up to Watari kneeling beside me again. I look around. I am sitting on the floor in my room, curled up tightly. I look at my arms and realise fresh cuts…so that part was real. I haven't slept properly for weeks. I've been kept awake by nightmares, and very very sugary drinks. I must have finally dropped off.

Watari looks at my arms and sighs, shaking his head.

"I'll get some bandages." He stands and leaves me. I stand and sit on the window seat, head rested against the window again. I can't carry on like this.

 **Near-two weeks later**

L sits with me in his room, again, restrained with his hands behind him. This time, a bottle of pills lays scattered over the carpet, where they landed after being wrestled away from him. He looks at me somewhat angrily, but I roll my eyes at him and start to clear away the pills.

"This is the 3rd time this week L. When are you going to give it up?" l narrows his eyes.

"When im dead."

I look at him irritated.

"Im only 7, and I have to deal with this on a daily bases." I mutter under my breath. Picking up a phone and calling Watari.

"What are you doing Near?" L asks quickly.

"I've had enough of this. Im telling Watari about this. Im afraid he'll probably have you committed this time, but I can't lose you." I answer with a hint of regret in my voice. L is practically begging for me not to, but I ignore him and speak down the phone.

"Watari. He tried it again."

When Watari arrives in the room and take L out with him, I go to tell Matt about what happened.

"Did I do the right thing?" I ask my older friend solemnly. He frowns in thought.

"In all honesty I don't know. L seems pretty damn sure that he wants to die. Maybe he would be better off dead..." Matt shrugs and adds on to his original statement.

"I would rather he didn't die though..."

When L returns form speaking with Watari, he looks worn out, red in the face, presumably from arguing. When he sees me, he hangs his head and apologizes, giving me a hug before stalking off back to his room, where little does he know, there is a hidden security camera…

 **L**

I've worked it out now. I couldn't work out how Near or Watari knew to come and see me whenever I tried to kill myself. There must be a camera in here somewhere. But that's not a problem. I'll just have to try again a different way. I come up with a perfect method. But I'll wait a few days so no one suspects it. I look at the photo of Coby, Elsie and I on my bedside table from last year.

"I failed both of you already. Im useless to Near now. Im just a wreck. Im better off dead." I have repeated these words so many times, and with luck, in a few days, I won't have to anymore…


	16. Chapter 16

I sit in my room solving case after case with Near watching my every move, decision and verdict. Matt dropped out of the running for successor due to the emotional trauma that the incident with Sylas put him though, so Near is the only one left. I hate to think about it, because when I do I realise that one of my successors is dead, one is now mentally scarred, one is a boy who without me is now alone in the world, and the other is a psychopathic murderer.

I glance away from my computer screen and steal a look at Near. His eyes are rimmed like mine. His skin is so abnormally pale that it's almost translucent, and his face is slightly sullen looking all the time. I sigh shakily.

"Near you need to get some sleep." Near locks his stormy eyes on mine and shakes his head a little.

"No. I can't. I don't trust you on your own anymore." He replies matter-of-factly, twisting his hair over his fingers. I close my eyes and sigh again.

"Near, I'll be fine, I promise. Look I'll bring the laptop into your room if you want and solve the cases while you get some sleep, then you know I won't do anything. Okay?" Near hesitates, then nods his head.

"Fine. But if you're not there when I wake up, im calling Watari." Near goes to stand up, but just ends up falling to the floor. I catch him quickly.

"Near! Are you alright?" I ask worriedly. Near nods his head and pulls away a little.

"Im fine... I just lost my balance..." he goes to stand again only to sway and fall down again.

"No you're not Near. When's the last time you slept properly?" I ask, gripping Nears arms gently to help him keep his balance.

"I…Don't know.." Near replies, moving a shaky hand to swipe the hair from his face. I stop him and do it for him.

"You really need to rest…you're exhausted.." I say gently, picking Near up with little resistance from him. As I carry him to his room, he falls asleep in my arms. I smile down at him affectionately and shake my head slowly. Speaking quietly and softly to him.

"If I wasn't worrying you so much, you would have allowed yourself to rest sooner. Im sorry." I get to Nears room and carefully lay him in his bed, sitting myself beside him and pulling the blanket up to his shoulders. No sooner than I had done so, the bells signifying midnight began to ring out in the night air. I smile to myself letting my mind wander back to better times as I slowly fall asleep in the chair beside Near's bed…

 **Near**

The miserable feeling of fatigue has been lifted off of me when I wake up to the gentle orange beams of sunlight peering in behind the hospital-white curtains. I swing my feet off of the bed and stand up, my gaze landing on the figure sleeping quietly on the other side of the bed, perched in an armchair. I allow myself to smile. Perhaps with relief that L is still there, or maybe because I am happy to see him sleeping peacefully again. It's been a while.

My eyes flicker over to another figure in the room. He is leaning casually against the door, fiddling with his ever ironic rosary. I roll my eyes at him.

"What do you want Mello?" I sigh, padding over to the dresser to pull out an identical pair of pyjamas to the white ones I am already wearing. Mello sighs and crosses his arms in a bored manner.

"it's not my place to point out, but im going to anyway.." he starts. I cut in whilst I get changed, not fazed by him watching as other people would be.

"of course you are, you never know when to keep your mouth shut." I murmur. Mello lowers his eyebrows a little.

"Shut up Near. What I was going to say is you know L is still going to try to kill himself right? We should stop wasting our time trying to stop him." I make eye contact with Mello, I too lower my brow angrily.

"how can you even say something like that? If I don't have to lose him, it isn't a waste of time." I almost growl at him. He frowns and itches his brow trying to think of what to say before crossing his arms again and strolling over to me.

"Near, it is his fault Coby died. And its his fault Elsie died. You are effectively defending a murderer." Mello sneers. I clench my fists.

"If you were really here Mello I would hit you so hard right now. Stop blaming L. None of it was his fault. I don't want to talk about this anymore." And with that I turn my back on him and walk to the other end of the room to sit next to the half built dice structure. I continue to build it up when I hear Mello's irritated voice again.

"Fine Near, but don't say I didn't warn you. If he dies, I won't give two shits, and there will be no one but me for you to talk to. And I can't promise that I will be up to it." I turn around to face him only to find that he is already gone. I breathe out shakily. When your own mind is against you, it can make it really hard to function. Im startled out of my thoughts by a tired voice.

"Near? Who were you talking to?"

"No one L. Just myself…"

 **L**

Near's been acting odd recently. Me being the terrible person that I am I haven't noticed how badly im affecting him until now. I lie on my bedroom floor because the bed feels to empty when im the only one there. This is a common practice for me now. I stare at the ceiling intently, deep in thought. I've caught Near talking to himself a lot recently. But I suspect he's been hallucinating Mello. Am I causing him that much damage though my actions? Wow, I really am a monster. I look at the bedside cabinet where I know Sylas's gun and its last remaining bullet lay hidden. It would be so easy to end my suffering. But that would be inconsiderate to do here. I feel bad for whatever poor bastard would have to clean up my brain matter. Not to mention leaving Near behind. My dark sense of humour keeps my brain too busy to notice the door opening until someone's face appears above mine.

"What are you doing on the floor Lawliet?" Watari asks, concern and confusion flooding his face. I smile at him.

"It's comfy. You should try it sometime Watari." Watari only raises an eyebrow in confusion. I laugh quietly and flip myself up so I am kneeling in my usual way.

"Um. Okay L. Anyway, I just wanted to check on you. See how you are doing. It's been awhile since we have spoken properly." Watari sighs, standing up straight and closing the door. I nod my head and sit in an armchair, gesturing for Watari to do the same. Watari looks at me sadly before talking.

"I know that you are planning something Lawliet. And I intend to stop whatever it is." Watari starts the conversation in exactly the way I thought he would.

"I won't lie to you and say im not. But I promise you there is nothing you can do to help me. I suggest you just let me go Watari, and take care of Near." Watari shakes his head.

"You don't seriously think id agree to that do you?" Watari asks monotonously. I shrug.

"I don't know, it was worth a shot." Watari gives me a stern look.

"You may think this funny in your currently deranged mental state, but you are hurting others around you. Especially Near. Im not letting this go on any longer. Im putting you in a psychiatric hospital on a suicide watch." He states calmly, standing up and going to leave, ignoring my protests. After he has left the room, my mind starts working quickly. Im going to have to take action now or my chance will be gone. My mind is at war with itself. Do I really want to do this? Maybe I should just get the help like Watari said. But It won't work. I know it won't. I make my decision, taking the gun from inside the draw and slipping it into my waistband, before leaving the room hurriedly, taking one last look at the photo of Coby, Elsie and I and muttering some words with regret lacing each one.

"I am so sorry. Im so sorry…" By this point, tears are running down my face as the door slams behind me.


	17. Chapter 17

**Just a quick authors note: there is a flash-forward in this chapter, and I don't own the dialogue in it. I took it from episode 25. I don't own death note (unfortunately) enjoy! :)**

 **Near**

As I sit in the library silently scanning through page after page of crime books, I hear loud shouting and people standing outside. I can't make out what anyone is saying though. Suddenly the doors of the library fling open. Matt runs over to me, much to the dismay of the old librarian, with a panicked expression on his face. Upon seeing the look on his face, I stand quickly.

"What is it?" I ask quickly. Matt grabs my arm and drags me hurriedly out of the library.

"It's L…" Matt breathed out heavily. I pick up my pace a little.

"What has he done?" I ask with worry.

Matt pauses in his speech.

"He has a gun, _and_ he's threatening to jump off the roof."

 **L**

 _This brings back memories. None of them all that great. How long have I been standing up here? Staring at the rain? Why can I hear the bells at Wammys? Im snapped out of my thoughts by a quiet voice, slightly muffled by the rain._

 _"_ _What are you doing standing out there by yourself?" I think that's what he said, but the rain is too heavy. I cup a hand around my ear, gesturing for him to repeat._

 _He does repeat, and this time I hear him. But I want the bastard to come out here too. Hopefully he'll catch hypothermia. That would be good. So I smile and repeat the same gesture again. This time, he seems to get the message. Light Yagami steps out into the rain to stand by me._

 _"_ _What are you doing Ryuzaki?" he asks in a confused, falsely kind voice. I look down at the ground before answering._

 _"_ _Oh, im not doing anything in particular, its just.." I wonder whether I should say this to light. He may think im crazy, oh well. He's a murderer after all, and I will be dead soon. It doesn't really matter._

 _"_ _I hear the bells." I finish._

 _"_ _The bells?" light repeats, looking utterly bewildered._

 _"_ _Yes, the sound of the bells has been unusually loud today."_

 _"_ _I don't hear anything."_

 _"_ _Really? You can't hear it? They've been ringing nonstop all day. I find it very distracting. I wonder if it's a church, it could be a wedding or perhaps a..." funeral, but I don't finish my sentence._

 _"_ _What are you getting at Ryuzaki? Come on cut it out, let's get back inside." I look down at the ground sadly. Coby would have understood me. And Elsie... No L. Stop. They're dead. He's been dead for years. Let it go._

 _"_ _Im sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you I wouldn't believe any of It." light looks at me curiously again. We continue talking, but my mind is elsewhere. Light is kira. I will be dead by the end of the day. Why does it matter if the whole world believes im insane?_

 **Near**

I run to the rooftop with Matt so fast that my lungs begin to burn. I can hear Mello's low laugh in the back of my mind. His sneering. Looming over me as always. I push him back. I won't let another brother die.

As we push open the hatch to the raining sky, and step out into it, our hair instantly plasters to the sides of our faces. A sudden chill sweeps over us and my gaze falls onto the figure standing right on the edge of the building, bare toes already perched over the edge. I can see his body quivering as we shouts something to Watari, who's standing on the ground.

"No! Stay away!" L cry's down at him. I watch in horror as he raises a gun to his temple. His hand shaking as he goes to pull the trigger. I stand there helpless, but suddenly realise the absence of the hand that had been grasping mine. Matt rushes at L, knocking his arm slightly as the gun fires, missing L by less than an inch. But both L and I notice that Matt has overestimated the distance to the edge of the roof. Still shocked by the loud gunshot right by his ear, L still manages to react. He grabs Matt's arm, leaving Matt now dangling off the building. I rush forward quickly. We hear screams from the kids watching from below.

"Matt!" L and I call out in panic.

"Matt grab my arm!" L yells.

Matt looks at L then down to Watari and the other kids down on the ground. When he looks back at L he shakes his head.

"No." he replies shakily. L looks at him in bewilderment.

"Stop messing around Matt! I can't pull you up. My arms too weak. You'll fall!" L sobs, straining to hold Matt up. I realise how weak L is at the moment if he can't support Matt, who isn't that heavy, but my mind races with more important questions. Like what the hell is Matt doing?

"If you give up and get away from the roof, I'll let you save me." Matt smirks. L shakes his head slightly. Unsure of what to say.

"Matt…" he begins, but Matt cuts him off.

"Promise me!" Matt says, in a loud whisper. When L says he can't Matt replies.

"Really? Fine, have it your way." And tugs his arm back a bit. L tightens his grip, now trying hard to hold on without sending both of them plummeting to the ground. L grimaces in pain as his arm begins to grow weaker.

 **L**

All I want is to die without causing problems for others. I leave my room with the gun, and assess my options. If I go to Near now to try and say goodbye, he'll definitely stop me. I have to go straight through with it. I run to the roof hatch. When I step outside I walk over to the edge of the roof slowly. I stand there contemplating for a few minutes-which turns out to be a mistake. As the rain starts, a group of children return from playing outside, only to realise that im standing on the roof. One runs to get Watari, and within a few minutes, most of the orphanage are standing on the ground below. Except near and Matt. Watari continuously tries to get me to come down, then says he will come up, but he stops in his tracks when I raise the gun to my head.

I know that there is a small chance I could survive the fall, but not if I also have a bullet in my brain. Time moves in slow motion for me as I pull the trigger. This would be my final moment. I would either be with everyone I've lost again, or I would at least stop feeling the pain their departure causes me. That's when Matt knocks the gun, and falls over the edge of the roof. My reflexes spring into action as I catch the falling boy by the arm, leaving him dangling dangerously. Briefly, I forget what my goal was in the first place, using my detective mind on assessing the situation. I know Matt's legs are too weak from being thrown by Mello for him to help himself up, and my arm is too weak from the deep cuts on it. I can already feel my arm shaking. Matt needs to hold on. As soon as I save him, im going to jump off. But he refuses to hold on.

"If you give up and get away from the roof, I'll let you save me." Matt smirks slightly. He knows I won't let him die. But I can't promise that. I feel Matt jerk back his hand, almost slipping out of my grasp. I tighten my grip so much that I must be hurting his arm, but I couldn't care less. But pain rockets up my arm nearly making me lose my grip.

"Ok Matt! Ok! I promise! Please hold on!" I scream, straining to keep us both up.

"Thank god for that..." Matt mutters grabbing hold off my arm.

"Hold on!" I call out, trying to pull Matt up.

"Well I wasn't planning on letting go." Matt answers sarcastically, gripping on, and looking down at the ground nervously. Before I notice he is there, Near is by my side, speaking calmly, to Matt.

"Give me your arm mate..." he smiles, taking Matt's other arm, and looking to me with a disappointed look. I look back down shamefully and murmur a quiet countdown.

"3,2,1 pull…" Me and Near strain to pull Matt up and back over the ledge. No sooner than we do, he collapses against Near, shaking, and crying a little. Near pulls him close to him, and stares at me with unforgiving eyes over his shoulder, all the while speaking soothing words to Matt. My heart aches as I realise that this is exactly how Coby would comfort Near after a bad dream. I force my glance away from Near's angry glare. I turn, and walk away, back through the hatch, to be met by Watari. I expect him to be angry with me like Near is, but instead, he pulls me into his arms like a child. I involuntarily start crying again, repeating the words "Im sorry." Over and over. Watari coaxes gently.

"I know. It's alright now… It's alright." I can feel myself shaking still. Water droplets rolling off my skin and hair onto Watari's already drenched shoulders.

"We should get changed and have a talk, don't you think?" Watari sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. I nod my head, and walk away with Watari, still alive, with the feeling of guilt gnawing at me. Matt saved my life. A child just risked his life to save me, and I nearly let him die…


	18. Chapter 18

**Near-1 year later**

The golden pools of sunlight glint in Matt's emerald eyes, no longer shielded by his orange tinted goggles. He tilts his face to the light, and sighs. We're sitting against a tree by the river in its deep roots. In the same clearing where Elsie was shot. L told me that there was something he wanted to talk to me about later, after he'd finished the cases he was working on.

L has gotten infinitely better in the past year, with no more suicide attempts and no more cutting. I do regularly catch him staring off into space or at the one photo on his bedside table of himself, Elsie and Coby, but he'll always bounce back. The biggest issue he seems to have is binge eating sweets, and very rarely eating anything else. But last time someone tried to get him to stop eating sweets, he claimed that it helped his deductive abilities. When they still tried to take his food, he bit them. So we gave up.

It's at that moment that I realise Matt is staring at me.

"What?" I ask quickly. Matt looks away quickly.

"Nothing."

Matt's mobile rings, snapping us both out of our thoughts a few minutes later. He answers it quickly, eager to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah? Ok, we'll start to head in. Okay bye." He hangs up and stands, offering me a hand and pulling me up with him.

"L wants to speak with you."

We walk briskly back to the house, and I knock on L's door. I hear a muffled come in.

Upon opening the door I find L crouched on the window sill, with his mouth full of cake. I smile and roll my eyes, sitting next to him. L leans his back against the wall behind him and sighs tiredly.

"What was it you needed to tell me?" I ask worriedly, getting straight to the point. L frowns slightly and looks out the window.

"Im leaving Wammys. I can't stand it anymore. This place has too many memories. Besides, my detective work will be easier if I travel around and work with the police more. I might be able to do more with their help." He replies with an element of sadness to his voice, and an element of determination. I smile, which I know was not the reaction he was expecting.

"Aww look at my brother all grown up and read to leave home." I grin, standing and wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. L smiles and visibly relaxes.

"Im going to miss you L." I add, my voice muffled slightly by his shoulder. By this point, both of us have tears in our eyes.

"I'll miss you too Near. But the probability I will see you again soon is approximately 99 percent."

"Why's that?"

L smiles and looks into my stormy grey eyes with his equally silver ones.

"It's just my detective skills. Best not to question It." he laughs. I nod.

"If you say so brother." I reply quietly. Knowing L is right to leave, but also knowing that if he does, my life will never be the same again.

 **L- Los Angeles**

I knew it was him from the moment I started investigating these murders. The use of chloroform, the slashes on the victims, and of course Naomi Misora's investigation. I've been waiting for the opportunity to kill him for years. But now that he is here…

A blindfold covers his eyes and his arms are strapped down in a strait jacket. His ankles are shackled down to the ground. He sits with his knees to his chest and his head against the wall. I can hear him quietly muttering to himself. I quietly enter the room, which he doesn't notice. He is too caught up in his insanity. Slowly, I approach him. I crouch beside him and I remove his blindfold. He squints his red eyes as they adjust to the bright white in the room, then slowly turns his head towards me and utters in disbelief.

"L?" He widens his eyes then looks down quickly. I realise there are tears in his eyes. This man has murdered at least 6 people. He is a psychotic butcher whose only goal in life became to challenge me. So why is his pain bothering me. A voice in my head answers for me.

 _Because you have to forgive people. Or hatred consumes you. Coby would have wanted you to consider why B did what he did, and learn to accept the past._

I sigh and look at B's ankles, which are a brutal red colour from his attempt at becoming a human fire torch. I sit beside him with my back against the wall too.

"Does it hurt?" I ask calmly. B laughs quietly, and sadly.

"Yeah, you could say that. I deserve it anyway, why do you care?" he replies bitterly looking at me piercingly, but im not phased. Not afraid. Im only pitying.

"Because I understand everything you've done. I don't condone murder. But I understand. And I forgive." B looks puzzled, and tries blow away some hair hanging over his eye but he can't manage it and gives up. I hesitate, before tucking his hair behind his ear myself. I hear him mutter thanks before speaking louder.

"But I killed your friend, my sister, my father, and those three others. Not to mention…Miheal…" He pauses shakily.

"I had no reason to kill Miheal. The others, I had motives. But Miheal…I just wanted to kill!…" he trails off and suddenly his face contorts angrily, and he hits his head against the wall.

"How can you just sit there? Im a monster!" he screams suddenly, then weeping hysterically. I don't even back away from him, instead I keep calm, and I shrug my shoulders.

"We're all monsters. At the end of the day, you can't go back in time and change what you've done. I wish I could. I would have saved my parents. I would have done something to help you before it got to the stage you are at now. And I would have saved A," At this, B flinches a little, guilt flooding back to him. Beyond Birthday looks me in the eyes, and smiles. Not in a sinister or sarcastic way, but in a sad way. He nods his head at my words and chokes out a short reply of,

"Im so sorry L, for everything…And I know it won't ever fix what I've done…but im so sorry..." He starts to belly sob and hangs his head.

"It's ok. You're right. It will never bring them back, but at least I know that you are still human…" I stand to walk away, but as I get to the door I turn back to face him for the last time.

"Be strong B. Im sure your family, and certainly A would be proud of you for what you have just said. Farewell Beyond Birthday."

"Wait L!" B calls out suddenly. I turn.

"What is it?" B looks above my head in dismay.

"You have less than five years…" I stare at him in shock, remembering the incident with A all those years ago. I smile, with difficulty.

"Then id better make the most of my time."


	19. Chapter 19

**2 years later**

"Watari. I fear that I may not be able to return here again after this case." My face is sullen, recalling B's final words to me two years ago. Less than five years. Watari looks down to me. Im kneeling on one knee with the other against my chest with my computer set up on the concrete floor beneath me, flicking through the police databases. Criminals have been dropping like flies from heart attacks. But my deductions lead me to believe the culprit is in japan, so I will have to travel there.

"Why do you say that L?" Watari asks with concern, kneeing beside me.

"I just have a feeling, that's all." I bring my other knee to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

"No. You'll be fine..." Watari smiles gently.

"I hope you're right Watari.." I sigh, standing and leaving the room.

 **Near**

 _"_ _The wara Ningyo murderer, Beyond Birthday, age 24, was found dead in his prison cell from a mysterious heart attack in the early hours of the morning. Another glorious judgement from Kira, our saviour!"_ A newscaster very excitedly reports on the latest kira murders. My head jerks up to the screen from the puzzle on the floor. Im unsure of what to think. Matt sits with me staring at the screen. He glances over to me. I know what he's thinking, and my thoughts are very similar. Yes, B killed my brother. But he effectively drove Matt's brother to suicide, then he killed Matt's best friend.

But the way this kira person has been taking lives as if he has the right, makes him no better than the people he's killing. I look down at my puzzle again before speaking to Matt in a monotone.

"Im going to Japan Matt. I want to help L, and I don't know when I'll be back." Matt shakes his head and looks at me, smiling.

"You're unbelievable. L won't need help, he'll be fine."

 **L**

Near sits opposite me in the hotel room Watari arranged for him. He looks at me sadly. Then he looks back at his puppet, sitting against the couch. We are both working on his favourite white puzzle, whilst discussing the kira case. But my mind is elsewhere again. I go to put a piece down, and Near interrupts my thoughts.

"L, that's the wrong piece." I look down and realise he is right.

"The one who puts in the final piece might not be me. It could be you Near." I stand up and hand the puzzle piece to Near before wordlessly leaving the room. Im going to die before the end of this case, and im worried about how Near, or Mello, will react to it. Suddenly the weight of the situation hits me like a truck. I leave the hotel and collapse against the wall of a nearby alleyway, sinking to the ground and crying for the first time in years. I rarely show any emotion. I appear quite unhuman to the taskforce so that they don't think my emotions cloud my judgement. I don't know how long I sit there before I gather my thoughts properly. I don't have long now. I make my way back to the taskforce headquarters. When I walk in, Light looks at me with a look of concern, that I have a feeling is more curiosity than anything else.

"Are you alright Ryuzaki?" Matsuda asks. I force a smile and make my way over to my usual chair.

"Im fine Matsuda. We better get back to work." I say dismissively. Everyone turns back to their computers to continue work, with the exception of Light, who I catch staring at me various times…

 **Watari**

Many months pass by with different developments in the case that are investigated then dropped, except the discovery of a black notebook called a "death note" that has the power to kill whoever's name is written in it. The appearance of a Shinigami named Rem, who seems to guard the notebook has put everyone on edge, especially L, who has noticed both Light and Rem staring at him often. Im currently staying in the hotel room next to Near's so he has someone there if he needs them, after all he is still a minor, and I return to the taskforce during the day. L visits Near as often as he can get away from the case, as if he says he is sure that he is running out of time. But he won't tell me how he knows that. He mentioned B once, but stopped himself. One day, when L, Near and I are in the hotel room, I look over to see L hugging Near. I smile a little, before turning back to the work I was previously doing.

 **L**

It's so cold out here. Well, obviously. I am standing on a roof in the pouring rain. Listening to the bells that when Light appears, it would seem only I can hear. I have a bad feeling about today. After a short conversation in which light basically calls me insane and I call him a liar, we both go back inside. As I walk back to the main control room, I could have sworn I could see people like figures watching me in the corridor. But apart from me and light its empty. I look behind me and stop in my tracks. I see her there for a fraction of a second, then she's gone. "Mother?" I whisper.

"What was that Ryuzaki?" Light asks, not turning around.

"Oh, nothing." I murmur, continuing to walk forward. I see another flurry of a ghostly figure. My father. But I don't vocalize it this time. Im just seeing things. It's the insomnia. They're not real. As I walk into the room im ambushed by questions.

"You got the approval to use the notebook for an execution?!" Matsuda yells. I explain my plan quickly, with arguments from the team.

"We can test the 13 day rule and then the whole case will be solved!" no sooner than I utter these words, the emergency lights come on and I realise the Shinigami is gone.

"Where Is the Shinigami?" I ask quickly.

"It's disappeared!" Someone, Aizawa I think, replies. I go to say something else.

"Everyone! The shinig.."

I stop abruptly as a pain similar to being burned alive is concentrated onto my heart. No…No...No... I can't even cry out. I fall sideways off the chair because of my awkward sitting position. Light dives forward and catches my head before it hits the floor. I stare at him through wide eyes as he starts to sneer. I knew it… Kira…

This is a strange feeling. I start to feel very calm. The concerned and scared yells of the taskforce start to grow quieter and quieter until they are silent. A million thoughts rush to me. My mind works quicker than it ever has as the red, flashing emergency lights start to pale. My eyes are so tired. I slowly close them…and my vision goes black.


	20. Chapter 20

**Near**

The phone rings through the quiet hotel room. Watari answers it, and I watch as his face falls in a sickly moment of dark surprise. He puts the phone back heavy handed, turning around to face the opposite way.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask. Watari turns back to face me slowly, and stutters his reply.

"L…L is..." he chokes up.

"What! L is what!" I ask in panic.

"L is dead." He finishes quietly. I look at him in disbelief. Im completely in shock. No, he can't be dead. Mello agrees. Before I can make any effort to control him, he erupts into anger.

"Dead! Was it Kira?!"

"Mello?" Watari exclaims in surprise.

"Are you saying he killed him? Is that it?" Mello yells angrily.

"I don't know any of the details!" Watari replies upset.

"You've got to be kidding me! Im the one who was supposed to kill L." Mello had never dropped this opinion, and he hadn't had an outburst in years.

"That son of a bitch. I'll kill him!" Mello screams. Standing and making his way to the door. Watari reacts quickly, knowing Mello will hurt someone if he leaves.

"Mello! Please calm down. Near! Hold Mello back!" he shouts. I quickly do what he says, regaining control. The actual news only just sank in for me. I start crying as Watari holds me.

"L…L…" no. He can't leave me. I stand with Watari's arms around me for a long time before he says anything.

"Come on, let's sit down and talk." Watari says quietly, trying to keep his voice steady. I nod weakly and sit back down, with Watari joining me.

"Near. Do you still want to be L's successor? Because you don't have to." I shake my head at him as soon as he speaks.

"Im going to catch Kira for L, Watari. I'll be his successor." Watari nods his head and puts a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"Im sure you will, N."

 **Location unknown-** **L**

As my eyes flicker open, the loud sound of bells slowly grows quieter. I sit up quickly and gasp, looking around me. I cannot work out where I am. All I can see is white everywhere. And I am completely alone. I raise my arm up to my face to flick my hair away from my eyes, but after I've done so I realise something strange. I look at arms and legs and realise I am wearing all white, and my shirt is short sleeved.

I can see that my bare arm is no longer covered in scars, which they have been since I was 15 years old. So 10 years. I roll up my white trousers, when I usually wear blue, to find the many horrific burns and scars are gone too. I stand up and realise that my spine is no longer stiff. I stand up right and look around me again. This time, I notice a white table with words inscribed on it in black paint.

"Turn around?" I read out loud, turning around to see someone standing a few meters away from me. It is a young girl who I have never seen before, yet she looks familiar. She has long black hair tied up in two tiny ponytails either side of her head with white ribbons with the rest of it down. I look at her puzzled for a minute.

"Who are you?" I ask cautiously. She smiles, and as she looks at me, her brown eyes turn vermillion. I realise why she looks familiar. She confirms my suspicions before I voice them.

"Im Alodia. It means the light of the sun." She smiles again before continuing.

"My mother liked strange names. My brother is called Beyond. He tells me he knows you. L Lawliet." I nod my head.

"Yes, I know B. Why are you here? Where am I?" She turns around and gesture for me to follow her.

"Im here because there's something you have to do now that you are dead. But from what I've heard, you won't like it very much. If you bleed when you die, it will be a friend or family member who comes to you, not me. But you had a heart attack. It's a stupid system I know, but never mind. And you're in Mu. Or "Nothingness" as it translates in English. Because my brother and I were born with Shinigami eyes, we have to help people to know what to do after they die. We didn't get a choice, but never mind." Alodia stops walking and extends her hand out in front of her into what appears to be an invisible wall. A sort of door opens up, but I cannot see what's on the other side because of the blinding white light. Alodia steps to the side.

"Go through. That's all you have to do. Go through, and keep calm. Also im so sorry, because I know that you will hate this." She says regretfully.

"Why?" I ask, baffled by this strange girl, and the sensation of death still fresh in my mind.

"You have to walk through your past…" she sighs.

"Good luck." She finishes, fading into the whiteness, leaving me all alone by the doorway.

"Fantastic." I mutter, stepping into the doorway and being enveloped in the bright light. I put a hand in front of my face to shield my eyes from the strange light, and I keep walking forwards until the bright light disappears, and I find myself in a hospital room, facing a window. It is dark outside, but I can see the glow of carved pumpkins and other Halloween decorations. I hear the soft crying. I turn around to see my mother lying in the hospital bed with a baby wrapped in a blanket laying in her arms. She smiles at him with tears in her eyes.

"look! He has your eyes." She cries affectionately to my father, who is sitting at her bedside. My father nods his head and smiles.

"He should give them back." He laughs. My mother whacks him lightly with one hand. Then the scene changes. This may take a while…

The next few memories lead me through the first 8 years of my life, where I was happy and innocent. If I still had a beating heart, it would hurt right now from knowing how different my life could have been if my dad hadn't killed Sylas's son.

Speak of the devil. I see my 8 year old self on the grass outside my parents' house, and the vehicle pulling up behind me. I watch helplessly as im knocked out, and taken away. Minutes later, my parents step out of the house and find a note left by Sylas. I read it over my father's shoulder.

"I have your son. I will kill him if you can't find him. – Sylas." The scene changes to the dark room where I was held captive for 2 days. I turn my eyes away and cry to myself silently as I can hear my screams begging for the pain to stop. Sylas's voice speaking to my dad, and him just watching as im nearly drowned. I can almost feel the pain all over again. The scene stays the same but time skips forward slightly. I see myself rescued and hospitalised. I hear my cursing as I tell my father how much I hate him.

I stand in the middle of my room. I turn to see my 13 year old self asleep in bed. I hear a noise downstairs. I see myself jolt awake, and run downstairs. I follow me slowly, really not wanting to see this again.

"RUN L! RUN!" my parents scream. I run at Sylas, then I run from the house looking away from my now silent parents.

Im sitting under a tree. I hear police sirens and curl tighter into a ball. An elderly man walks towards me, and I flinch away from him.

"It's okay Lawliet. Im Watari. Im here to help you." Watari says gently. I scowl at him.

"how can I trust you?" I ask, unsure.

"I know you're father. I often work with the police. And I run an orphanage for the smartest children. Your dad told me a lot about you." My teenage self still looks unsure, but nods his head and stands up, following Watari.

Im in the Livingroom of Wammys, sitting perched up in the chair as the news comes on. They are reporting my parent's death. The other kids turn around and start their taunts. I slump out of the room, tears streaming down my face. I want to reach out, say something to my younger self. Warn him of what's to come next. But I can't. I watch helplessly as he is cornered in the kitchen, then I watch as he is dragged outside from the corridor by Randy and his two friends. I can feel every cut in my skin. Every hit with the baseball bats. Every tear running down my cheeks. Why do I have to do this? Why must I watch this all again?

""Why would you do this? Why? This is getting ridiculous Lawliett! You have to stop!" Watari yells at me, age 15, bleeding from the arms. I flee the house, into the woods. I remember this night very clearly. The soft sound of footsteps approach. Elsie, stands feet away. Then she sits next to my small, miserable form by the tree.

"Elsie… I breathe out sadly.

Elsie sits with me, guitars in our laps, singing. Her sweet voice brings a smile to my face. This is one of my favourite memories.

My face falls again as the scene changes. Im standing in the kitchen. I see myself speaking with a familiar pale figure. _Coby._ We both dart out of the room at the sound of screaming. I follow them to a clearing. Seeing this memory again makes me seethe with anger, as if it's in the present. I rush at Ross, who is pinning Elsie down. I kick and punch him until Coby stops me.

I see Miheal run at Elsie, hugging her tightly. The scene quickly changes. We're in a dimly lit, concrete room. Toys are scattered on the floor and the only other furniture is a bed. Near sits on the floor and looks up when we enter. I remember the curiosity in his eyes, the slightly menacing demeanour. Mello momentarily takes over, before Near apologizes. I tell him that its ok, and that I find him fascinating. He smiles. Little 4 year old Near, he should never have been in that terrible place.

Coby and I sit together exchanging our life stories. I watch in anguish as Coby's face scrunches up at the pain from his memories, especially at the mention of his sister, Anna, and his father trying to murder himself and Near.

"I don't think I can ever love anything more than I love you Elsie." I whisper "You are my everything…"Elsie replies. I kiss her before she sits up, and scoot over so that my head is lying on my chest. We both look up at the pinks in the sky. I look at the happiness on our faces and I feel myself smiling sadly. I ruined it. But that will come later. I am not looking forward to watching that…

"Coby, you bloody lightweight!" I hear myself exclaim. I see Elsie and myself supporting Coby's lanky form whilst he slurs out almost incoherent sentences. He proceeds to stare at a leaf whilst I call Watari. I chuckle to myself out loud.

"You were such a moron, and that's saying something coming from the biggest screw up in history."

"Hello Beyond." I say coldly. Beyond leans casually on the kitchen worktop. He starts staring at Elsie and laughing. We discovered of course about his eyes, but he was wrong with Elsie. I start to get defensive of her and he leaves with a jar of jam. The location im in changes again for what feels like the hundredth time. I see Coby, Elsie, B and myself running together through the hallways. B starts banging on a door frantically, screaming for A to open it. Receiving no response, Coby finds another way to open the door. Already knowing what the scene inside is, I close my eyes and try not to listen to Beyond's pained screams. Little did we know that A's death would change everything. Beyond wouldn't have lost his mind again. Coby and Miheal would still be alive. And B wouldn't have died alone in a dark, cold prison cell for murders driven by insanity caused by his only friend's death. I find myself crying, hating myself again for not doing anything to help B.

The next few memories prove to be torture for me. A's funeral. Matt's wails that draw us to the basement. Elsie clinging to the almost lifeless body of her brother. One bad thing after another until im standing in Nears room watching B advance on Coby. From this angle, I can see the knife as B pulls it out and plunges it into Coby's lung. Instinctively, I run forward to catch Coby's falling body, but I end up colliding with my other self. A strange sensation takes over me. I close my eyes, and when I reopen them, im looking down at my dying friend. Im trapped in my old body. I cannot control it, but I can see it all again from the same angle. I can feel my panic, my pain as I did the first time. I can't do this. I strain as hard as I can, I leave my physical body, and im instantly pulled into a different scene.

I hear my own voice singing with a soft female one.

" _The years gone by, you can't forget them if you try.."_ Coby's funeral. I feel numb as I hear the lyric. I can't forget the years gone by, as hard as I try. These words are perfect to describe my current situation.

Im in a classroom. Tables and chairs upturned. Near lying unconscious on the floor with yellow bruises and a badly bleeding hand. I see Matt slumped in a chair in immense pain, but what I had never noticed before is how he is still staring at Near with a face of extreme worry, and something else, but I can't quite work out what.

Im on the roof. Elsie drags me back. Near wrestles a blade from my hands and I sit slumped on the floor with my hands restrained behind me.

Im running through the woods screaming Matt's name, reading the note, blaming myself, believing I will die.

Im facing my parents murderer, my torturer, Matt's kidnapper. The gun is aimed to my weary body, and the bullet is buried in Elsie's flesh.

My ghostly figure collapses to the floor along with Elsie's body. I scream and bury my head in my hands.

"I can't take it anymore! Make it stop! Alodia, _please!_ I know you're there! Make it stop…" I cry into my hands. I can't watch anymore. I hear Alodia's pitying voice, and I turn to see she's standing between me and Elsie and my younger self. She looks at me with her crimson eyes and looks at me sympathetically.

"I can't stop it Lawliet. You have to watch it all, it's the way it works. I wish I could change it but I can't. I had to watch as my brother did this. It was awful. Stay calm and you'll be fine." She breathes out gently. I shake my head and carry on crying.

"I can't..."

Alodia walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You can. It's not much longer now…" she says calmly. I take a breath and nod my head.

"Yeah, ok.." I whimper. She smiles slightly, and vanishes along with the scene of Elsie's last moments.

The memories of all the following suicide attempts follow, then the roof incident. I see Matt hanging over the edge. I hear his voice refusing to hold on unless I live on.

"Thankyou Matt." I murmur under my breath, although I know he can't hear me.

I hug Near goodbye and step into the sleek black car to leave Wammys. This action is what led me to my death in the long run. Oh how I wish id known this then.

B sits next to me in his prison cell, crying, expressing his guilt for all he's done. I watch as I forgive him.

Im on the roof with light. This is earlier on today. The memory still fresh in my mind.

Im in lights arms. Aged 25. Dying of a heart attack. I feel the agonising pain return to me as I watch. Then im pulled back into my body, and everything goes black again. This is my death. But what now? Alodia didn't tell me. I snap open my eyes. Im laying in a forest, with orange streams of light seeping through the trees overhead to create warm patches of sunlight on the ground. I look down at myself. Im still wearing all white.

I stand unsteadily and walk forwards, listening to the gentle singing of birds in the trees. I find a strangely clear river running through the forest. I look at my reflection in the mirror-like water and realise that my face looks slightly different. There are no bags under my eyes, and my cheeks are flushed with colour, unlike usual when they are pale as snow.

I walk onwards until I come to a clearing in which there is a meadow with beautiful white and purple flowers everywhere among the long, green grass. My breath catches as I realise something else in the clearing. My eyes start to water, and my legs start to shake. Two figures turn towards me at the same time. A male, with hair whiter than ivory, and a female with eyes gleaming the colour of emerald. The three of us run towards each other and clasp each other in a tight embrace. Tears stream from our eyes, and no one lets go for a long time.

At this moment, nothing else matters. Not my death, not my past, not anything.

Because my death brought me back to the people I love the most.

"So, L Lawliet. Elsie Keehl. What should we do now?" Coby River laughs brightly. I shake my head and carry on crying.

"Nothing. I just want to hold you both forever…"


	21. chapter 21

**Near**

I often think about the years gone by. After the kira case I returned to Wammys with Watari to continue L's work, but it hurts me every day to think about him, even though over 5 years have passed since his death. Watari died shortly after the end of the kira case from what can only be described as heartbreak from the loss of someone he considered a son. If it weren't for Matt, I would probably have joined him.

"What are you thinking Near?" Matt asks gently, nudging me with his elbow. I snap out of my thoughts and focus on the flowering meadow that we're approaching by the river. The meadow is in the same clearing where Elsie died, but in the last few years, strange flowers have grown there around the trees. The flowers are mostly white, orange, or strangely black, with emerald green grasses surrounding them. Apparently, ghostly voices can be heard on this day, as the bell tower chimes each year. And after all of the stuff with the death note and the Shinigami, it's not too hard to believe.

"Im not thinking of anything..." I murmur in reply. Matt looks at me sceptically. He walks into the middle of the meadow and looks up at the sky, breathing in the golden sunlight's rays. I smile gently as Matt gestures for me to come over to him. I walk slowly into the light and stand next to Matt. Matt returns his eyes to mine, and smiles.

"Hey, I know…it's okay to still feel sad about it sometimes. You know you don't have to hide it. Not from me." I nod and look into Matt's eyes.

"I know it's okay to feel sad, but I don't want to." I reply. Matt shrugs and looks back up to the sky.

"L felt the same way all through his life. He hated to show his emotions. But it helped him when he finally talked to Watari about it." Matt sighs, closing his eyes.

"Hey, not all emotions are bad, right Near?" Matt smirks looking back at me. I can't help myself from grinning. Matt sits down in the meadow, and pulls me down with him. We don't let go of each other's hands. I smile at Matt again, and he kisses me, grinning wildly.

"Yeah, Love. Love is a good emotion." I beam. At that moment, although it was probably my imagination, I think I hear the faint chiming of bells accompanied by a series of voices that I have not heard for many years.

"It's about time."

"Shut up Coby, you sarcastic twat."

"Boys, if you don't knock it off, im going to kill you."

"But we're already dead!" I hear Coby exclaim. I can almost see the look on Elsie's face.

I laugh at the last ghostly voices I hear.

"Sorry Elsie." My two brothers laugh nervously. Matt and I laugh too, until our sides hurt, and we find ourselves lying on our backs in the meadow, with the sunlight hammering on our faces, tear streaked, from the laughing.


End file.
